I never used to have any
Then people gave them to me
Now I give them to myself
It's the only way I feel better
the only way I can smile for real
I know I should stop
but I cant
It feels good, the blade splitting my skin
the blood slowly pumping out
and running down my arm
that's how I feel happy
that's how I smile.

I can't do anything right
I ruin everything
I ruin friendships
I've broken my parents hearts
I even made the one who knows me best hate me
Do I deserve to live?
No, I don't
and yet I still do
and the pain goes on

How dark and empty.
I cry myself to sleep every night.
I am haunted over and over again....
By the same Nightmare.
Night after night I wake.
Only to go back to sleep crying again.
I guess you can say this is my only fear.
Dont abandon me.

Their everywhere.
People, or not, of shadow they are made.
I see them everywhere I go.
They warn me.
Remind me of what i've been through.
And that my time is near.
That death is coming for me.
Somehow I avoid it.
But death..can only avoided so long.

I'd be worse without you guys.
How ever few, there are.
19 if you want to be exact.
You guys are what keep me going.
You guys give me something to wake up too in the mornings.
Your my friends.
I just want to say I love you....
And thank you for being in my life.

I've been through alot.
Perhaps too much to explain.
It's a miracle I'm still here.
I live my life hiding.
Hiding behind smiles and laughs.
But the truth is....
I'm dying inside.