Beautiful wrapping, swaddled in a bow. The excitement of the mystery brings their eyes a glow.
The tension is high as the surprise waits to be seen by the on looking eyes.
The smile is bright the day became better as this wonderful gift was delivered like a letter.
Unwrapped, opened, ravished.
The moment finally here
Looking inside to see what awaits
But as its layers of beauty and excitement are pealed away reality strikes as to whats inside.
Madness and chaos obstruct your brain as the pain and sadness begins to become one with your brain.
Lost, alone, scearching for answers.
Your world is blown up as you constantly hear the noises of people unseen.
Am I crazy or is this a dream?
Day after day I wake with a start thinking thoughts that aren't from my heart but I now beat as one with the others who have passed on alone and misplaced.
Needing release, needing escape.

Wounds heal,
But the scar remains.
There is this mark that will remain reminding you of what happened.
The skin broke.
The blood flowed along with the tears.
The pain was felt.
Then it healed.
But there is still a mark showing what happened.
There is a small reminder of the pain
Inflicted.
The surface level scars
Physical pain is easy to cure.
No one talks about the emotional scars
The ones over your heart and your brain.
Invisible.
People dont know they are there.
Until that is they reach in and start to examine who you truly are.

Choices
Decisions
All need to be made
Constant necesity always having to choose.

Overwhelming
Too many
Make them stop.

Who will I be?
How will I act?
What will I do?
What do I wear?
How do people see me?

On and on and on and on they go.
Every day we choose to get up.
We choose to be productive.
We choose how we act.

Every thing you do is a choice.
There is no free floating.
We must conform to the choice driven society.
Standardized test
Standardized life.

Pick the correct bubble or be left behind.

Will you build me an off switch so I can?

 So I can surrender to the dark blissful peace that is sleep.
So I can take the bad things and make them stop.
Because its all too much.
Because even tho its admarable to be the one who thinks the way I do.
Its not a two way street. The people I give myself for dont reciprocate.
I run myself into the ground and still nothing gets better and I dont even get a thank you.
But I do it Anyways knowing full well that
my brain wanders into the bad part of the woods when I'm exhausted.
But I do it anyways.
So here I lay lost in my thoughts with no escape.

One simple statement sets it all off. Simple things said in jest that shouldn't mean anything are the ones that hurt the most. They hurt the most because they are the most honest things that can be said. People say what's on their minds in a hateful way simply because they think you will laugh it off, but then you dont. The things run through your brain over and over and over again pulling you under into the dark chazem of your mind. There is no escape. Once you enter the only way out is by doing somthig you shouldn't. Smoking ****, maiking yourself sick, running your nails into your skin into your skin until you bleed. The only way out is to go deeper into the rabbit hole.

But once you go there you dont just pop back. Every one of those negative things has repercussions that leave you worse off than before you fell in. You try to do better "healthier" things. The okay ways to cope. But it doesn't work. All you want is what you did before. To numb the pain. If you just can't feel it then it's not there.
Peace, being numb. They are basically the same thing to an addict. As long as you dont have to feel the bad things then whatever gets the job done is the thing to do.

But then finally you reach this point where you realize that you need to change. It doesn't get easier. you have to change your brain. Find new ways to cope with the pain.

Yes cope because it never goes away. So I sit here with my paper and pen writing because its better. Even if it doesn't that way. because I'm not being a disappointment to my family, but most of all. I'm not disappointing myself.

I thought you said I was beautiful, the way that my mind works.
Then you stopped talking to me.
My heart shattered into a million pieces. You left me Alone, left me to wonder.
No explication, nothing. I'm lost again because stupid me put my worth in the fact that you were there and the fact that you cared.
Obviously I'm just too much. People can't handle how honest I am. There is this void where I'm left
because when I do let people in I'm still too much.
You just left me, it hurts. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to eat. I dont want to move. You were my driving force and now you're gone, and you dont even Care.
But you don't know that because you aren't there.

Vast, grand, expance.
Open, ever changing, mystifying.
Crystally, foamy, blue.
Salty and fresh calming your breath.
Sandy shores outline you like a map
Topiagraphy jaggade and rough in a smooth clean natural way.
You sing us your song as the tides move in and out sweeping at the surface.
You draw us in by the breathtaking colors and movements that are emitted.
Laughter, happiness, hustle, and bussle all riddle you on warm sunny days.
But when the storms sweep your horizons people shy away.