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Jessica sanders Apr 2021
I have a son who's on the run  angry as hell,  and says he's done.. in a voice so frail " mom, I don't love you. Why don't you just leave."  Just leave.. receive as it blows up in my face! I constantly chase try to erase! Tough I'm trying so **** hard! Letting down your guard.. always arguing and pushing me away.. what do I say? I love you son.. the look in his eyes like a loaded gun.. he's growing distant.. back when he was an infant.. I believed I would had made it further than this.. provide you pride.. and happy bliss.. now look at us.. the fuss.. because the life we had.. I watch the pain distort into tears when mad.. it's sad.. I couldn't give you paradise.. started over and over we paid the price... You say that you hate me.. never want to see me again.. but your only ten.. hold up your chin.. boy don't be coy .. something will eventually give and we won't have to relive.. the blast of the past... I'm struggling too.. no matter what I'll always love you.. let's take a walk.. talk.. maybe play a game? I know it's not the same.. and it breaks my heart. Where do I start? No money! Forgive me. As I watch you from the distance..so intense a broken child in denial... Lost his smile. I know what I say ain't always right.. is that what keeps you up at night? Is that why your always welcoming a fight? Unclench your fist and hold me tight.. it's going to be alright..
A mother's love is unconditional
Jessica sanders Mar 2021
So judge
Judge the waitress flirting to pay her bills..
Two beautiful babies and preparing meals..
So judge
Judge the. Young woman that hAs all to prove..
Welding and more but pushed to move..
I wanna *****
I wanna fight it..
Built myself up just to be drug right down..
Now I am nothing in this little **** ant town.
So judge bc I loved the wrong man
But I took my beatings I know first hand..
Judge!
I fought for my children
Time and time again..
Had no one to turn to
So no one ever knew!
I was ashamed
I was to blame
But I got out
Now my family don't want to face me
All I kept from them they don't want to believe me..
They saw all the signs
Read between the lines..
I payed for my crimes
While my hero's ran in needed times..
I am freed
Found what I need
And I colapsed mentally
Bc no one was there for me
Depending on my family..
Still playing the mother roll
Doing my best while my babies grow..
I am a failure
A monster..
The depth of this creature..
Not even I understand
I just know I am doing the best I can
My brave son and my precious little girl is the future in me..
And alone I'll will look back and see..
The strength behind my little family..
It's not easy being a single parent. It's even harder in the 21st century
Jessica sanders Mar 2021
I see you
The pain behind your smile
This road that you've been traveling for a while..
I see you
Head held up as you fall apart..
Stiffly you move
Just to save your heart..
I see you
The dreams you once had
How u pushed them away and told yourself this ain't bad
I see u
When you laugh with a friend
That your wishing for an end
I see you
Like a million stars
Broken pieces of all your scars. How you feel so alone.. don't want to talk about it.. bc u feel it's better on your own.. and no one really could give a ****.. how many times did u take a hit? How many times do you try to forget? How often u dig yourself out if that pit?
Don't think for a second I don't see that ****!!
I can see you
Hidden in a dark place in your mind
Wishing you wasn't apart of this race.. that someone one day will find
A reason to not leave you behind.. all your struggles as u hold on to ur shovel trying not to let your guard down but you don't realize you've already been found.. I see you for you and ur beautiful
It's sad what we choose to ignore

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