What does it mean to be here now
maybe its to come into the body
breathe in
breathe deep
to love life deeper
to love the little moments
to ground into the nature
to appreciate the sunshine
on the face
the feet in the earth
to change the vibration inside of you
to change the places that you congregate in

to think deeper about what you truly want,
to listen to different music
to have things aligned more
into a deeper reality
because conciousness
and all of us that live within it are so real

Crystals rocks plants
ants
are all my friends
ladybugs
cats and my colors
are my friends
kind people with good reliable souls
are my friends
my partner of my dreams
breathed into reality
living in sunshine in nature
in peace
in my purpose
creating music and healing
and helping to guide others back to their true self!
This is all that i crave and wish and call into my current loving reality.

Life doesn't need to be so hard
it can be loving  and so easy
its all a choice
and the choice is yours and ours to make !

I feel like the body
holds the pain
once I release it
I don't know who I am
anymore.

For so long
i have identified
with that pain
unknowingly.

Now that I
have noone
in my life .

Only me
I feel sad and ashamed
All I can do is think
the thoughts overwhelm me
and it feels like
I can't even breathe.
Not sure what to do anymore

I just know
I am meant to live the life
that I have always wanted to live
So I will keep on going
no matter what.

I will heal myself reclaim myself
love myself
and find myself.

Its like a shattered heart
the mess drains everywhere
infiltrates into everything
covered like mud
covered in blood shacked
blood stained
mired  veins
it drips
;
my nature that was once
so sacred to me
like a shelter
is now muddled too
with the  same pain
with the shame
of ****** assault !

I've been through it so so many times
yet after each time I shudder
violently
as if to  ask myself
but why ??
why how could you ??!!
cause me and others
so much pain
so much horror
and trauma
that the soiled faces of all those
who have betrayed me
and hurt me
come up
unfiltered
in my memory bank
but I feel afraid to feel them
yet see them
because the pain
I feel
puts everything at stake
so I hide it from everyone
even myself
pertending that I am okay
but inside ,well not really
especially not when it comes to this!
I would love to know true love
without abuse or terror
and I am still waiting for that
and I won't ever give up !

the pain hurts so much
violation in own bed
high
unconcious
yep it happened again
not sure what to do at this point
just listen to myself
and my soul more
to prevent against attacks of the soul
that  try to ****** my heart
and kindness away
butttt
I won't let it !