He smiled at me 
Bright white perfect smile
Straight as the AA token he threw away years ago. 
I sighed, your smile brought sunshine 
But your eyes brought rain 
Your voice rings in my skull like thunder clouds. 
I'm still packing my bags. 

Baby, don't you know I'm tired of the weather?

When you finally found me,
like you've been trying so desperately to,
I was hoping you'd see my blossoming,
the beauty id found since your absence.
The lost weight, new hair, new makeup.
But when you bumped into me,
I didn't even realize that I was in an oversized tshirt with not an ounce of makeup
To you I must look ragged,
looked weakened.
I realized I was strong,
because I stood behind my friends
like an army,
and laughed at what a silly girl  you were,
seeking out a girl who didn't need makeup anymore after you had left.

when he smiles at me
I say "I love you"
when he's mad at me
I say "I love you"
when he's hurt by me
I say "I love you"
when he tells me to change
i say *"I loved you"

These are the things
Bad days are made out of.

Too much *****
And too little foresight
A recipe for bad decisions
Drinking can bring out a persons character
But you were a more real monster
Than I was equipped for
You were sober
When you tore off your fleshy mask.
See,
It was MY drinking
That brought out your real character

I am not a fool
And even less of a victim
And you should have thought
Before you deemed a few shots
A good enough way to get me vulnerable

Because I'm not a fool
and even less of a victim
And you weren't able to take advantage.
But even though I kept my body private
To those who do not have a personal invitation
The hands you put on me leave heat on my porcelain skin
Where fire starts to kindle
A rage only seen in hatred
And it's cracking my complexion
The anger underneath my eyes.
My skin you touched without asking
A snake slithering under the flesh you call a home
When I said no I meant it
And I enforced it.

But I'm not a fool.
And I'm less of a victim.
And it kills me to know you tried.

These are the things bad days are made of.

Do they write poetry about me too?

My hearts breaking.
And I will never be the same again.
I'll never breathe quite so deep again.
But if it's any consolation.
It was a privilege,
Loving you anyway.

You're the one I never got over.
But it's been years,
and I'll never tell you that.  

I still leave your stations on my pandora.

You'll never know
the little pieces
that I refuse to let go.

It wasn't supposed to hurt

I kept you on a string
Like a kite,
So far away from me.
Like tides of ocean seas
There was no "you and me".

So it wouldn't hurt.

Two years
Two years I've played this game
But your name on my tongue still sounds the same
My heart an animal I can't quite tame
But I always kept you an arms length away

So it wouldn't hurt.

Because I knew all along you were going away
But when the day came
I knew you'd be getting on that plane
I never really though about the day
That id see you walk away
With tears streamed down my face
A burden I was never meant to take

Because I wasn't supposed to love you
Because it wasn't supposed to hurt

Have you ever felt
Like you live off sunlight?
******* in the tiny photons?
Filling up every darkened corner?
Making up for all the holes?
The sun, it's blinding.
I mean, what a distraction!
There's cracks in my heart.
That even I can't see.
I'm missing some bits of me.
Lost along the way,
But it's okay,
I've found the sunlight!
And it's so bright,
it makes it hard for me to remember.
What I was missing,
In the first place..
Oh, I remember!
I was missing sunlight.
Yes.
That must be it.
Missing Sunlight.
And nothing more..

I live inside these walls.
Everywhere I go.
I've tried to make it home.
I've tried to let it go.

I've put up pictures, good as new
But I still feel that somethings missing.
I've left the walls a time or two
But I start to feel like I am slipping

So I rush back to my closed walls
The dusty, old, forgotten halls
And run my hands across old pictures
Faded paintings, broke light fixtures

I think you've forgotten about me here
A long time ago, when we grew apart
But I am still stuck lingering here
Inside the walls of your broken heart.