In the days you’ve been gone, I’ve learned a lot about myself. You’ve only been gone a month but so much as happened, and it feels like an eternity. You left right before school started, and I never got to talk to you about it. For the first week it wasn’t healing me like it was supposed too. I was barely talking to my friends, I was crying in the bathroom, wearing a rubber band and stacks of bracelets on my wrists to hide unhealed scars, and basically I was losing myself. I was still fighting with my mom every day, and I was still not caring about anything. I was feeling nothing. Then I made a risky decision to add a new boy in my class on snap, and he added me back almost instantly. A few days later I had to go up to the city for a medical evaluation for the military (I signed the contract, got medically cleared, and now I’m officially enlisted) and I got to stay in a hotel room for the night. Me and the boy (we will call him E, like yours) started talking and we talked for three hours, until midnight even though I had to get up at four the next morning. But I was so excited and fascinated by him that my mind wouldn’t shut up and I ended up waking up at two. The next day we talked more, and more, and more. Then one night E was hanging out on the parking lot of our school with some of our school friends. This began the night of my bad decisions. The friends, my two girls and their two boys, told him to come get me so we could all hang out together, as three couples. So I snuck out of my house for the first time, just walked right out the door. This was also my brothers first night moving out into a small house in the backyard. But anyways, all of us went and played on the school playground, laughed, talked, and just enjoyed each others presence. It was beautiful. And I was addicted, especially when I came home and realized I didn’t get caught. So I did it the next night, the girls came and got me and we went to Es house and hung out and ate tacos. Then the next night I snuck out again, E came and got me and we laid on his truck and watched the stars, and I played Roblox on his phone and we talked and talked and talked. And then the next night I snuck out again, my girls came and got me and we drove around town, just blasting music and living life. And I realized I was being healed. I hadn’t cried in a week, things with my mom were going smoothly. The only bad thing was my brother and I were talking less and less, and he didn’t really approve of me sneaking out. But he never stopped me. Now me and E have talked all day every day for three weeks, ive snuck out five or six times (im losing count already). I snuck out again tonight, and me and one of my closest friends drove to the cemetery and just had deep talks, blasted music and drove around. We also hit the local Dollar General and got drinks because I was thirsty. Minor details but I know you’d appreciate them. Me and my brother also hung out a lot this weekend, with his girlfriend. We made goofy videos and laughed until we cried, and made bacon at midnight. Ive been staying up past midnight every night. My brother thinks im being reckless, and maybe I am, but I only get one life. One senior year. And I don’t want to be sad and bored and lonely all the time. And my friend me make me happy, being dangerous gives me a rush. I still text you all the time. I still miss you more than life. And I waited on your call today. I hope your doing okay. Because I am. And there me an old friend of yours who is back on HP, and my first reaction to this news was to tell you. I miss you. And that’s my life, how it’s been going. Im happy. The only thing missing is our friendship, our memories, One Day. I love you so much!!!!!
Diary entry for my beautiful friend, I miss you so much!!!