Maybe because
I have loved hard;
I decided
To Live Hard


(as in living life to the fullest kind of hard)

Past
are only memories
a fractured mirror
a foggy dream
uncertain future
unpromised gleam
you could reminisce the scene
but never repeat the sin

Let me free
From your gravity
This energy
Is killing me
I rather live
In agony
Then hoping
You’d find me

When the best
Yet to come
When everything
Is undone;
And somehow
It collides
It’ll vanish
With all your lies

I broke your heart
Not once but twice
It was messy and hard
Your heart – I had heist
Never my motive
Never indeed
Hurting your love was
Like beating me to bleed

This feeling was true
It was never unsure
The only road that was taken
Crossing wrong pattern
Sometimes I wonder
If time meet again
Do you still smile to ear
If I said let’s begin?

But not once but twice
I beg you goodbye
These words flew easy
Easily letting you die
I’m sorry for hurting
I’m sorry I’m leaving
Not once but twice
I was cold as ice

I guess I’m still
On the edge
Between deleting our memories
Or missing your energies
I know
I’m still not sober
Its the only thing
I haven't cross-over

It triggers me at night
This emptiness in my heart
And the long cold dark sight
Reminds me that killer of
Forlornness
And my name stick
To its meaning
Such a lonely name its beaming

Like the moon
Missing the sun and the stars
Never together
Always passing over
But never together

One minute he’s home;
other time he’s gone,
You could never comprehend
The life I have to pretend

Music does exist
But it seems
They’ve lost of touch
Of a rhythm so much
And lyrics stuck in a hutch
Struggling to de-clutch
Both causing a smutch
Gone along the decades
Just a little bit too much

Between intersections, he stood
Lurking and peeking below the surface
Wondering if he falls, he'll die
With a gasp of air left in his hand
He prayed somehow it'll end

But still, the ledge is where he stands
Which way to go?
Which where to bend?
Left or right... Either way
He’ll fall and die

And I am that man...
That man who stood on a ledge...

weddings;
made me believe in fairy tales
even though it doesn't
exist in mine
I still believe it is alive
weddings bells
confetti flies
champagne clinks
all eyes smile
deep inside
I still hope high
that fairy tales
present in
all our lives

After the rain;
then what?
will you go
and break
my heart again?

Touch me
where it
matter most;

My Trust

once you broke it
it'll vanish
before it even
touch the ground

I turn to poetry when I’m in pain
A virus I, I wouldn’t understand
Though long-black-coffee made me strong
I’m still in missed, this person I long

I only turn to poetry, when I’m in pain
It gave me feeling, it made me sane
You won’t get it, only I can
Flunked on life, again and again

This poetry I turn to; when I’m in pain
Wished I could stop it, hope I could stand
But this pain is where my heart desire
The ‘once’ crushed-broken; is finally on fire

Every soul
I've met along the journey
there's a lost Cleopatra
that once
ruled their heart

L.T

everyone choose to blame her
everyone choose to avoid her
everyone choose to distrust her
but  no one really listens to her side of the story

even poets fall apart
broken inside
acknowledge the fright
accept the pain
to keep them sane
and love again -
just to fall apart
then kept the cycle
on repeat
over heartbeat

You don’t have to
promise me the sun
the moon, the stars
the sky, the world
You know I’m capable
Moulding my pearl
Just promise me
You won’t leave
With empty words
You won’t stay
With heavy doubts
You won’t sway
With little flutters
You won’t lean
On faulty hopes
I was broken
To begin with
I don’t need
Another myth

And every time
I couldn't sleep
I’ll go to that place
Where I felt belong
The place you didn't omit
The place for me to mourn
All the regrets I’ve been scorned at
And every time~
I always end up
Crying, Straying
And missing you even more

I learned that clingy and independent
Are the same
Both tires you to death
Both consume most of your life
And you’re left with nothing
But a drained heart
And an empty pocket

I finally get to love me
when you left me
without goodbyes
without whys and because
without intros and the ends
I finally get to see me
the true worth
I'm supposed to be

with words
left unspoken,
you left me alone
- heartbroken

is it worth it?
I really can't tell
for all I know is
I'm not dying-
but then again;
I'm not smiling
so
is it worth it?

I don’t like to speculate
I don’t think that we’re drifters
I don’t believe we’re strangers
I do understand though
That we’ve finally
Found our own path
Our own life goal that
One does not need a long explanation
Of why this
Or why suddenly that
You knew better
Friends don’t do that

We may not talk like we used to
We may not spend time as we do
But I’ll always pray for you
Your happiness when you’re depressed
Beautiful and pretty and nothing else
For every beat of sadness
Turns into music and dances
And no matter what
We do in life
Even if it took decades to meet up
Always remember
That once in my heart
Stays; in my heart

What is valentine to me?
Just another
Ordinary Thursday
That might be heartache
Or maybe plain “okay”
But what different
Does it make?
When I’m wide awake
In the midst of a shipwreck
Trying to unveil
This wicked braille
From your lips
Of proofread scripts

I want to ******
Every sound
Of your murmur
That squeals out
A Pathetic beggar
Begging for mercy
Oh mercy me
Gosh you’re such a coward
Bury yourself
With all that bragging
That turned soured

What’s the point
Of reassuring me
That this would be
A happy glee
When I am here
Pretending and acting
That the garden is blooming
And the birds
Is humming
When all the flowers
You’ve plucked
Is dead and dry
All the birds
Is bled and cried
Can you repeat the question?
What is valentine again?

I'm back to square one
People would say
That I'm stupid
That I'm reckless
I keep going to that
Similar path
Recreating the same mistake
But I can't say that
It’s a mistake -
It was once a decision
A decision once made
Out of love

Then why would
You say that
I'm stupid
That I'm reckless
Don’t you went
Through the same
Journey?
Don’t you once fall
For the same reason?
That once you loved;
You loved wholeheartedly
Despite the bad
That he had
***** all that
You still love that brat

And the thing
About loving is -
Specifically me that is
I always love more
I always give more
I always suffice more
As if I was born
To do so
Unconditionally
Unrealistically
Undying
Unlikely

But even so
I always end up
Draining
Drowning
Space out
Left out
Wondering
Worrying
And always
Sighing
Crying
Fortifying

And when
The heart
Mends itself
I'll still fall in love
As much back then
Even with the broken pieces
That twined inside unreleased
I’d do the same
All over again
And love as much
Always all out
Without a doubt

To a place, I kept falling into
And hide my heart’s desire
Die with your words still inside you –
Stuck and sealed forever wired

I hurt him, he hurt me
Neither of us was meant to be
We thought we would be happy
When we choose this journey

We did our best
But our best was terrible
Not one day we could rest
From begging for a miracle

Then this is our last resort
To stand and heal what’s broken
Would it be forever resolved?
If we let our hearts open?

I am an intruder
I didn’t know
The room was occupied
You should have
Put on a ‘don’t disturb’ sign
Not a ‘clean me up’ hint

I’m sorry for hogging
I didn’t know
It was meant for sharing
But I didn’t want to share;
It’s either mine or nothing at all
I didn’t want to dwell with the affair

I am an intruder
No matter what you say
I know I’m not
Playing fair
Wishing for a perfect play
It was all delusional snares

You're like
Home to me
Safe and peaceful
it felt like
It's worth
The damage
Just being
With you

I'm back to square one
People would say
That I'm stupid
That I'm reckless
I keep going to that
Similar path
Recreating the same mistake
But I can't say that
It’s a mistake -
It was once a decision
A decision once made
Out of love

Then why would
You say that
I'm stupid
That I'm reckless
Don’t you went
Through the same journey?
Don’t you once fall
For the same reason?
That once you loved;
You loved wholeheartedly
Despite the bad
That he had
***** all that
You still love that brat

And the thing
About loving is -
Specifically me that is
I always love more
I always give more
I always suffice more
As if I was born
To do so
Unconditionally
Unrealistically
Undying
Unlikely

But even so
I always end up
Draining
Drowning
Space out
Left out
Wondering
Worrying
And always
Sighing
Crying
Fortifying

And when
The heart
Mends itself
I'll still fall in love
As much back then
Even with the broken pieces
That twined inside unreleased
I’d do the same
All over again
And love as much
Always all out
Without a doubt

She’s different
From other women
Where she walks
On different pavement
For every pavement
Her foot lies
Leaves a sparkle
To every eye

Love is my religion
Though sometimes I failed
On its mission
It's still
A belief I rely on
In darkest day
It gave such lifting
And showed promising

I don't need to prove
To people
By going to any
Sacred temple
To bend and pray
For whom it may
I believed I've
Shown it
In my own way

When I die
What will people
Remember me by?
Will they remember?
The way I smiled?
Or when I said goodbye?
Is it perhaps
The way I cheated?
Or the time
When my kindness mistreated?
Would all the guys I’ve fallen before;
Remember me by the first hello?
Perhaps the moment our hearts unite;
Or the time I’ve said
This isn’t right?

Would all my friends
Visit my funeral?
Even when we’re no more in verbal?
The girls whom
I used to be close
Might not even
Send me a rose
I wonder will
They still miss me
When my soul
Incarnate to another mystery

Sometimes I don’t mind
Because of oblivion
Will fade in time
But really
The heart refuses to obey
When you were alone
From the very first day
How I wish
This and that and all
But then again;
It isn’t my call
Demanding people
To remember me by
When there isn’t any left
To be there on your death

I’ve lost happiness along the way
I can’t seem to find it anywhere
For all those time we’ve lost our track
Honestly, this one caused me heartbreak
Whose fault is that? No one knew
The distance; the cold; the breaking rules
The “I have work” 24/7 a day
Leaving me and child alone – astray
I’ve lost your touch
Your love as much
It seems we’ve forgotten to love at all
Letting me breaking alone and fall
I’ve lost happiness along the way
I can’t seem to find it anywhere

These words only come
When the night starts to hums
I’m speaking in tongues
Beating sticks to the drum
Creating life out of lungs
And poetry it becomes