is it worth it?
I really can't tell
for all I know is
I'm not dying-
but then again;
I'm not smiling
so
is it worth it?

I couldn't think of
Anything nice to say
Hence; the silent
I've portrayed
The awkwardness
Of the night
Keeps bugging
My tired heart

I couldn't think of
Anything nice to say
Even my smile looks so pale
I was nothing but stale

I’m trying to be calm
I'm trying to stay content
I couldn't keep a straight face
the past hit me hard
it kept me awake
forever alert

I wondered if he noticed
The rage on my face
The grudge in my eyes
The distrust of his words
I couldn't think of another act
To cover up my disguise face

I've been used
To living alone
And his coming just
Add another groan,
I couldn't think of
Anything nice to say
Hence; the silent
I’ve portrayed

The one who's barely there
Had the guts to have a say
That the role That he played
Had contributed he said
Had not he realized
Those words he lay
NoNe whats so ever
A ”sorry” had said
For neglecting his own offspring
For the sake of his pride and
His job was more important
Then spending time with them
The one who's barely there
Had the guts to say ”I’m there”
Didn’t realize the damage he caused
Since the day a womb have mould
All promises he said were bulls
He only hopes that
She would overlook
But she never forgets
The pain she had since 2015
He hasn’t realized
The sacrifice he presents
Was the reason
He wasn’t forgiven
And Still,
He had the guts to have a say
This person who’s barely there

should I run
and hide my vain
from stuttering lies
that flickers within
I could pretend and fall asleep
ignore the pain that
beating my head
or to the endless road
I'll drive and hide
till gas ran out
I'll go gaga again

I could travel the world
in 80 days
enjoy the scenery
and flush all my fears
Or should I face the trouble
and attack the sorrow
avoid being a victim
from your foolish judgement

or should I stand
and accept the misery
understand the progress
and find serenity
I leave it to you then
Almighty Creator -
The one who listens
and always answers
'Be patient, my son,
Your time will come;
You'll find your peace
and your worries be gone'

From
'you're the only one who understands'
to
'What did you tell her?'

it's funny how people used to reach for your comfort when needed
just to bombard you with mockery saying you're the reason they're broken

it's funny when you didn't lay a word but being accused of spreading rumors
when you didn't 'kiss and tell' but they point you with grudge burning in their eyes

it's funny
how people can be desperately running from their own lies

pay attention to my singing
you'll notice
how my heart rings
every time you're beaming

I finally get to love me
when you left me
without goodbyes
without whys and because
without intros and the ends
I finally get to see me
the true worth
I'm supposed to be