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Hah hah hah
Isn’t it funny

Funny how everything kind of *****
And we’re stuck in the same repetitive loop

Every day and every day and every day
And we’re constantly just working towards another repetition,
Another drain, more work,
And it never stops, does it?
No, it never stops

Because even in the intermissions
Your mind never stops
It never stops
You’ll never stop thinking thinking thinking
About everything, everything
All at once
All the time

And nothing nothing nothing
Because you’re truly are insignificant, aren’t you?
Isn’t this all insignificant in the end?
Yes, you lead a truly insignificant life.
Over 35,000 people are born every day,
About 100 billion people have died since the world began

Too much, much too much, and yet not quite enough
Not quite enough, no
It’s never enough
Never enough

You’re not enough
You’re nothing, remember?
Remember remember remember remember remember remember?

Remember, this is funny,
Because its all just a big ******* joke
Yeah, you’re a joke!
You’re so so funny, and you’re so so laughing right now.
No difference between laughing with or at, right?
Laughing and crying, am I right? Theres no difference

No difference
No difference
No difference

Remember, yeah?
Remember you can make that number about 100 billion and 1.
It’s funny because it’s true.
Inspired by Alice Oseman’s Solitaire
My silence isn’t voluntary
And my tears aren’t a choice

I don’t cover my ears for attention
And it’s not that I’ve lost my voice

There’s millions of words running laps in my head
And my hearts pumping for a marathon

My medullas pumping epinephrine
And box breathing can’t get past one

And you’re staring straight at me
And blaming me for being dramatic and weak

I really wish I could do this,
I’m sorry I’m like this
I swear I didn’t choose to be like this,
I’m sorry I can’t just ******* speak.
My therapist gets mad when I can’t talk in sessions because I literally just shut down every time… which prevents me from talking.
Same thing with my parents every time they confront me.
Hahh so fun.
My heart beats
beats                                       BEATS               beats
            beats  beats                    BEATS
       BEATS                          beats                BEATS
an unrhythmic beat

Just a sip
and my heart wants to skip
a couple of pumps
and add a couple of thumps

I bought myself a cup
just to keep up with the lecture
but now with this unrhythmic   beat   beat          beat
I’m wishing I’d skipped the caffeinated treat.
Caffeine has been giving me heart palpitations and I have no idea why, but it’s actually awful. I’ve been drinking coffee since I was a toddler, aren’t you meant to build a tolerance?? My only other choice is falling asleep in class…
Then, at least, I would be able to cry
I would feel something
something human
something real

Then, at least, my hurt would be real
I would be real
someone real
"one"
I thought
           I thought
                               maybe
      if i
hurt
                       on the          outside
then it would
stop hurting
                      so much
                   so much
on.the.inside.

not working
      not working
                 why does
nothing
*******
work?
#sh
They say crowdedness is suffocating
I think loneliness is drowning.

Deprived of all but your own thoughts
As you sink deeper and deeper
Into the depths of your mind
The Grim Reaper stands at the foot of my bed
antagonizingly.

It just stares.
Straight.
At.
Me.

I was once scared of it’s dark essence and great scythe,
So I never dared look back.
I thought,
Maybe if I didn’t see it,
It would just go away.

It didn’t go away.

The Grim Reaper looms at the foot of my bed
agonizingly.

Staring.
Straight.
At.
Me.

I’m being tortured,
I can’t sleep or live in peace
I don’t know
Why its here,
What it wants from me,
When it would take me away,
Why it can’t just take me already
God, just get this over with and take me already!



Despite my cries and pleads,
He stood there.
Unfazed.

I swear, one day I will get up,
Grab His scythe,
And do His job myself.
Bit of a metaphor with suicide and religion
Acknowledge the pronoun change from “it” to “He”
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