I wish I remembered.
Only then would I have an excuse
to not forgive.
Forgetting
is not unexperiencing.
Its being left with a lingering reminisce,
a senseless dread,
a dull ache
that you can't find the source of.
I wish I remembered
so that I can hate you
without hating myself.
Because it feels like you did so much
while doing nothing at all.
But I know you did.
I know you hurt me,
I know you hurt me.
I just can't quite
remember.
I have really bad memory and it makes me vulnerable to being hurt repeatedly by toxic people because I don't remember what they did wrong. It still hurts, though.