If you're the girl who will kiss all of the scars
left by the ones that came before you,
come closer,
I would like to say hello
(will you let me kiss yours too?)

im going to rip her apart
im going to shatter her glass heart
step close to her and stoop down to
the most tragically beautiful piece of art
the most jagged piece of the painting
and even if the artist hates me
pick it up
grasp it tight for days
until blood drips down its face
turn it on my self, pluge it into my chest
and twist
if i cant save her then
only God can save me from this
breaking her heart will **** her
killing her will **** me
slowly or quickly
a knife across an artery
or the slow decay of the guilty

i want to live loving madly
and so sadly
i must let her go
not knowing, but hoping
just gently is enough
enough for her to live free
enough for her to love see
enough that she'll forget me
when she's waking when she's sleeping
Lord even if it breaks me
i go willingly

step back
from the glass
and realize
that our eyes are foolish things
believe
believe that you are beautiful
believe that you are loved
believe above all else
that there will be a day
when all else fades away
i guess what im trying to say is
you
you dont make me sick
not at all
you are human
you are beautifully created
no matter what secrets you could keep
no matter what you do wrong
have done wrong
no matter
you dont make me sick
not at all
you see
you make me smile
and i miss you
best friend
i want to ease your pain
i want to make it ok
if i could make it just ok
well...id give a lot to do that

so what im trying to say
is
you are not alone today

applause
i crave them
there are but two hands
clap. clap. clapping


for me, stumbling through my dancing
for me, a man who's kept, and kept, trying
there was almost a second where i lost it
the i realized who was clapping
he was the man who wrote the music.

Love is never about a placement list. It is not about if i love you more or less. It is about how i love you, not how much. And i love you differently than i could love anyone else.

Probably the third time that I've prepared for the worst
can you see how much i hurt? do you know that i still thirst?
sometimes for my own blood, sometimes for my tears,
ive thirsted for what i've feared, for what seems now many years,
i contradict my self, and  twist my words and slay
the things ive said before, with the words i speak today
watch the way i walk, and wallow where i wait,
for things my malice stalks,  for people that i hate
wander neath the willow, weary, weeping,
wide eyed, my thoughts keeping,
me wishing i wasnt awake, when i should be sleeping

i am sorry
that t i told you
how to feel
i only meant to tell you
what i hoped


it is from somewhere calm and deep within me
that i say
what happened to us?
i too ,miss the smiles and innocence
miss the laughter,the time we spent
miss so much the simple things
a glance in the middle of everyone
was all it took to make me feel like the only person in the world
what can i do but wait and hope and pray
for a day to come
one where innocence is restored
and your smile...makes me smile too
and your laugh...is as contagious as that first day
where i threw dirt and missed on purpose
could barely keep my eyes away...afraid you'd notice
scared to death you would think i was some sort of freak
ecstatic when it made you happy
to talk almost all night to me
i want to go back
to a life that feels like that memory
i have no perfect way to ask, nor  words good enough to plead
but always will i ask
will you go back with me?

I know it is not as easy as snapping your fingers and moving your feet foward
i know i have hurt you deeply, and i know what it is like, i know that there will always be scars, i know...but above all....i know....that that is what i want most....i can only hope...you want it too...to be friends...and really be friends...this silence..it should only last so long...today.....i would like if it would end...

so much can be said in
ten words, two lines

When you give one rib for every woman you ever love
Eventually all you have left is your spine.
I don’t know whether to forget this and brush it aside
Or to just say I am tired and continue to let it lie
I guess I’ll find out what I’m made of

See what you left me with? Do you? It took me a long time for me to see...you left me. with everything. Right here. All of it. Took nothing with you...except maybe the memories...the one thing I wish I could be sure you didnt leave.

If love were not a struggle, then why would I want it?
If love were easy, I'd be far more haunted.
If love were a game, I would not want to play.
But love is life, and I will live and breathe today.

when all the emotions settle to the floor of my chest
it is then that i tire to take another breath
it feels like a chore to draw just one more
i had no idea that i had given you this power
and now, because of how i hurt you, how i did away with everything
how i had a hell of a way of showing that youve been a blessing to me and i love you
you cant even tell me what i am to you
but im **** sure not your friend
i wish i was
but friendship isnt currently an option
ill take what i can get
whatever that is
and right now thats silence again

I've already thought about taking all the pictures down.
but i keep them up so i'll have to feel each stab
of regret at my ignorance and my explosion
if only i had known what i know now then
maybe i could have saved this
maybe i could have avoided being the man who hurt you the most.
now all i am is a ghost.

Knock on the sky and listen to the sound
It sounds much like footsteps forward, and their memory on the ground.

writers
chew on pens like
they're smoking
their favorite cigarettes

the truth
and lies
look like
mirror
images

they say
things are not always what they seem
but it seems like that's the truth

It is hard to measure progress
when you can't tell if where you are
is any different than where you've always been
when it all feels the same
but you have an inkling
a tugging at the truth
that something
has changed
and it always
has been for good
It is in the winter that all dies
to become life again
new life in the spring

It's just not as easy
for me to stop loving
as it is for you to say
there's no way you could love me

****. I am a writer again.
the dark is back. there is not much else i see.
but clouds and love
loss and lovers
and i am stuck
clinging to their motivations.

I had no idea how difficult that would be.
now i wonder what is illuminated by that difficulty?
what does that mean that my heart has become?
beyond my power, something extraordinary, and something scary has been done.
But, i trust you God, I will not run .

If i said goodbye, who of you would say hello?
I i said that I was leaving, would you say that you would go?
would you remind me of the promises
that we made without our words
or would you walk away and leave me
pretend that you just hadn't heard
would you remember my voice and the many times i cried
would you forget our promises, could they really all be lies?

you're talking about walking over broken glass:fast
your past it lasts - no matter if you want it to or not
if you don't or if you got it under control
you feel like you hold it all in one hand
like you're an man and no one can
change a thing
that you wish
but your'e wrong
as it all turns to dust

you asked me
why i looked at you
like i used to
when we were tangled up in
each other
I looked at you like that
because the first time this started
everything that happened
was a twisted and sad expression
of a love i really had
but was obscured
and i then, when i looked at you,
remembered it, realized
that in holding back in choosing for you what i knew you wanted and needed -
in admitting that it wasnt me- i was doing what was best for you -
and in that moment i was the best lover i could ever be to you.

Lost in too many words
maybe there, but not here

Three sides to every story
two opinions
and the truth

I can't tell if this is a new wound or an old one
i can't tell if these are lies or if i told them
i can't tell if the sky is blue or green
i can't tell what i do or do not mean
i cannot tell that i cannot tell
i must have let it slip
i do not know that i do not know
oh now i do, oh ****.

Best friend
i love you
but how,
i know not.

I will fight to get to the ******* door
If it costs me all i have or even more
even if it lays me on the ******* floor
even if it just seems like lies and lore
i will fight
to get to the ******* door

Hurt is inevitable.
Especially when you love.
And i do, with everything i have.