I fell into your hand,
a pit
stripped of its sweet flesh
torn to nothing
by enamel claws.

She tap, tap, tapped her cheap pen
on the yellowing paper.
The ****** paper stared back
a blank, unflinching glare.
Typical.
Frenetically, restlessly,
she set her own metronome faster
with the clicking of her pen
than the outdated clock sulking in the corner
could possibly keep up with.
Suddenly, decisively,
She pushed herself away from the desk.
The screech of the chair’s harsh legs
across a cold, unforgiving concrete floor
filled up the whole room with noise.
Noise was all around her,
empty noise,
invading her ears
her head
her brain.
Stop!
She needed them out.
The room was silent—
Save for her
and the sounds
of an old room
with a dying light
and a faded, ticking clock.
She closed her tired eyes and
drew deeply from the cigarette between her
thin, voiceless lips,
then smudged her little addiction out
leaving a burn stain at the top of her paper.
Might as well,
she figures,
not much good comin’ from this paper
anyways.
And anyways,
the flickering light
in this God-forsaken old office
wasn’t doing her any good, either.
She knew it was time to pack up,
head home,
but she needed this demon inside her
to work for her,
not against her.
‘Writers Anonymous’
that’s where she needed to be—
what she needed
to be a part of.
She had things to say.
And she couldn’t say them.
Flick, flick, bzzz.
The light sputtered,
limping dejectedly through it’s own current,
with a halfhearted commitment to shedding light.
Hanging over her head
just like the ideas
she couldn’t force her hand
to capture on paper.
They needed to be confined, here,
she knew.
These thoughts, buzzing around her head,
like the anxious flicking
and bzzing of the bulb dangling precariously above,
needed to be trapped in this paper,
immortalized externally,
a burden laid down
in incriminating ink before her.
That’s what she needed, she knew.
but no matter how often
or how hard
or how intense
she tap, tap, tapped her pen
on the rickety wooden desk
over the silent white paper
with the cigarette stain in the top corner—
those **** buzzing thoughts
cluttering up her brain
would keep sputtering through life.
Writers Anonymous.
That’s what she needed.

Could it be love has lost its taste?

Hidden thoughts and feelings riding the fence

Trust and conversation gone to waste

Unaware of their existence

They fly through the night's bitter breeze

An unfamiliar chill reminds them

Love is not a coat one puts on in stormy weather

And anyway, it doesn't always stop the rain

There they were
Dancing through the darkness,
Laughing at the moon.

There she was,
Her features glinting in the half-light
Reflected in his gleaming eyes.

There he was,
Twirling her around his arms
Like the ebb and flow of a tide.

Worshippers of night,
They glanced at the sun as he spilt his light
Over the horizon, and fled.

I just want my life to feel like my own,
To remember I shine as much as I've shown.
I want to move through my day,
With grace and the biggest smile on my face
Filled with those feelings you used to give me.
When a walk in the rain and Popsicles
Where the building blocks of perfect days
And the sun shone on your wrinkled face
And there wasn't anything you couldn't do,
There was nothing you wouldn't say
To make me smile,
I haven’t felt that way in quite a while.
You have been gone, for so long,
Your memory’s a bit fading like the bathroom tile,
In that old house.
They clear cut the forest where we used to tromp,
Thinking about it makes my heart ache and breathing stop.
And your old glasses still sit on my desk,
One of the lenses popped out.
And I sobbed like I had never cried.
Grandpa I miss your silly face
And all the crazy **** you used to say.
You make me love all the darkness in people,
You were a big white place in hell's highest steeple
And I just want to say
That as time passes and nothing lasts
I still think of you when I want to sink.
And it’s in bits of my past
That I remember who I am and how to smile,
And to say I love you, because it’s been awhile.

I find tonight I’m too sad to find sleep.
I wish I would have looked before it was too late,
Because it’s too far the times passed and I can’t think
Of anything except I miss you, in this silly way
And it would have been really nice to just hear you say
Goodnight.
And I would have smiled
And said the same thing,
I’d close my eyes and drift to sleep.
Now I’ll be up all night just whishing
I’d have thought to listen.
And hating that I miss you.
Praying to an empty room
That I could for a moment
**** the distance.  
Lean into you and whisper
And pretend that even in your silent slumber
You could listen
And you would know I meant it.
Goodnight.

You've never met him…. she whispers,
Gathering concern in the creases between her brows.
Her eyes pulling everything out of the surface of my skin,
Trying to gauge my actions out, trying to change them
Looking for me to shift my words
Refusing to put herself in
My perspective, filling me with doubt.
I pull my thoughts of you out
Become the reflective introspective I am at heart.
Lost in your gentle voice wrapped in honest laughter,
In all the promises you so kindly never make,
Reveling in the bits of me you so sweetly never break.
So gently never bring me down, in the way you sing
And make me smile so hard my cheeks ache
I remember the exact way you shake your head,
When your sleepy and questioning something that I've said.
Perhaps it’s the exuberance in voice, how you light up when I laugh.
How you watch me when I waver and move forward like I never have,
How every second you use words to ask for answers
To questions no one else cares to ask,
How you let me pull back layers and you show me all your masks
And build me the biggest fort out of your silk sheets
And blankets for me to hide for two childish adults retreat
And day dream and discover  the colors in our eyes.
I begin to wonder how it came to be,
That you would see me clearer
Than she does.
She can’t understand how
From so far away you touched me
Softer, sweeter, hotter calmer,
Than anyone else had.
My stomach trembles at the thought of it,
At the thought of you and the tone you take
And the words you chose.
At the things you say, at the person you are
And the distance you break.

Well ..
I whisper my response making my gaze stronger
Inhaling a bit longer head spinning heart beating harder,
I've met him silly
He just lives far
He's seen me
And I him.
I've met him , pshh hes like
My best friend.

Its crazy reflecting on all my misguided thoughts of you,
I was all wrong about you,
Now baring my deepest insecurities,
And most brazen actions you only
Hold me up and **** the lonely,
Again and again you give me hope
In humanity and my sanity
In profanities hidden powers and
Boys duality in this sick twisted existence.
Your persistence astounds me,
How was I so lucky ?
You don’t even know you’re gorgeous
And sweet and the strongest,
Modest
Most honest individual
I have encountered in eons.
The list rolls forever on
I want to be like this forever, so never stay away.
I just wanted to say thank you,
For not judging me today, when
Judgment was easy.
And thank you for taking the time
To stop and really see me.

I am not as broken as I think I am,
I'm capable of more than I feel I can.
Escaping the numbness
Just lets in the flood,
So I feel it fresh again.
Just breath slowly…
No one here even knows me.
I am not so abandoned
So abused,
I am not so used
As to be rendered useless.
This is my truth
Its what I murmur to myself,
To the darkness in my room,
Into the comforting embrace
Of my tear soaked quilt.
I will not be undone,
I will not be made to wilt.
when I have only just begun.  
tomorrow will be brighter,
I will always persevere,'
I've always been the fighter.