What's on my mind? It's hard to pin myself to paper, to pen myself to paper, in a forced manner, bound by fetters, but remember later, the resistance is better, the nurturing of my underside, written in fine lines, they are not wasted time. They are lifelines.
                     The letters are lifelines. The essence of my devotion. Moving in motion. Like the color of my pen, matches the color of the ocean, and the scribbles on the paper match the rhythm and the notion. I understand, it's understood, It's unavoidable but I'd avoid it when i could, escape it. Break loose. Unchain myself. free to wallow in the more comfortable chains i smelt.

There just isn't a love song that says what I'd sing
There just isn't a melody to match what I mean
when I say
There just aren't words that aren't cliched
There just aren't voices that haven't replayed
It just couldn't be written by a pen low as mine
It just couldn't be written, Though surely I've tried

An urge
to fall on my face in the embers
scoop them up in my palms to give me scars that I'd remember
To Pray
God would take his very fingertips
rip open my chest
and throw my heart at the nearest star
because that kind of surrender
that kind of sacrifice
is much too far
when all I can think about is how far
I've fallen,
from what I thought He wanted me to be.
Consume me with warranted zealotry.
I am tired of praying But not feeling.
I am tired of doing and not being.
Release me from all I can't break free from.

Tryin to figure out what’s captivating me
What captivating means
Tryin to figure out
What scintillating
How senses feel to seem
Tryin to figure out
What’s enchanting
Captured
Captivating me

I feel sideways
Like I’m melting on the page in
Horizontal lines
That fluctuate to match the edges of my mind
As it attacks itself in subtle ways
That are easily mistakable and even harder to trace
I feel sideways
Like the smile on my face
With it’s crooked teeth and smirked edges
All fakes
Are falling right here on the page
I feel  sideways