Five. A simple number. Not so simple getting here. But it seems like my whole life was lived up until we began - so that we could begin - and make it this far- and even farther...i just don't know how far...and more than anything i wish i knew.. i wishwe'd get to see each other more than every two or three weeks... we've been talking all the time - mostly about nothing at all. And i miss you like crazy baby... I feel far from you...and it worries me...I hate feeling far from you...when you're the one I'm closest to. It isn't a pretty place, and I don't know what to do, but I've had this line of a song stuck in my head for like a day or two..."If you don't like how this place is, then take yourself to higher places". That's what we'll do. We've been in high places together. And we've been low. We've been places we shouldn't go. But I'm where I want to be whenever I'm with you...and today is special so I want you to know...while feelings go up and down and we do too, my love for you will always be atleast this big.
                                                                                          
                                                                                                                              Codybear, your very own STR
                                                                                                                                                 (<3)

No medication,
What's my purpose in position?
What is this that I've been missin?
Keep on movin, keep forgettin
that I'm here and on a mission
feel a spark there in my chest
risin from my hollow breast
gotta get up take a chance
It won't burn out like the rest
I'm gonna
let it smolder, let it flame
let it build, give God the blame
he lit it - no one can **** it
no one can take the love that's in it,
let it blaze, let's let it roar
I'm breakin chains, get off the floor
been layin down and takin kicks
from myself, ignorin ticks
tellin me
I've been set free, I'm free indeed-
but free and lost and on my knees
why'm i dead here on my face
I've been too blind to too much grace
but heaven holds the healing
to the empty i've been feeling,
to the nothing i have felt,
to the hand that i've been dealt,
to the pain that I've been dealin with, well,
to the lies that Ive been tellin my self,
to all the things i fear to face
the answer is amazing grace
This is not a crutch.
This is the solution.
The answer to my mind I'm losin
Truth amidst the lies of hell that hurt holds.
Take time to stand still and Let my lord touch my soul.
Been walking with a dark understanding,
got too far and too demanding
thought my way was the best way,
think I'm losing it , think my chest may,
cave in, I'm lookin for the silver lining,
but i can't see past the ceiling,
tired of all the climbing,
I'm trying, but i can't keep looking up
need to feel like you're here beside me before i just give up

I **** self
daily I die at my own hands
I die that I may live more than any empty man
I AM! - what am I?
my - my hands - my hands lie,
why? - I  tell the truth - like to say at least i try
the- sky mocks me with its silence, you're listening and you've got this,
but my prayers hit the ozone
I have felt this way for so long.
I know you hear, i know that's real
but how can I, when I believe but I don't feel
I am numb. I hate your will.
I will
do whatever it is that this takes-
said the same words before but they were fake-
didn't feel them, I guess it was the same problem,
I mean they're vicious and God you know I've got em,
only you can heal em,
let me, love my self, so i can love somebody else,
make me love my enemy like i love my brother,
cleanse this tongue - if you can't - cut it out, I'll take another, mother -
mary she did't say much
saw the spear pierce, heard your flesh crunch,
watched you be battered and bruised, becoming broken and abused-
So i could feel you, know you
you know, live you, show you-
not like a coward- like a lion
sick of lyin sayin i'm dying, I'm not.
I'm livin. I'm livid.
Angry, called to be an extremist
but barely any action ecapes, as extreme as words extreme as this.

Now he knows.
She introduced his necklace to inferno.
No shame, she set aflame
Flowers from prom night.
Sifted their sweet ashes into a jar
Maybe even prayed the ashes or the glass they came in would leave a scar
Tied it with a pretty ribbon
(maybe just in metaphor)
Grinned while she envisioned
His defeat from afar
(From here I can hear the smile cross her lips.)

And all this time she said she’s sleep
With the teddybear she gave my name
(Lay awake and wish it was me…please…)
(I often do the same)
Still has the jacket named skillet hanging in her closet
(She could wear it if she’s really cold…)
(She hasn’t lied or lost it)
She still has my purple heart
(She has all of them I’m told)
This...this gives me hope I'm scared to hold.

Tick.
Tick.
Not a clock.
It's my neck.
Tock.
Tock.
It's heavy on
the chopping block.

The clouds look like
my head feels.
I question what
is even real.
Foggy thoughts
gum up my mind.
Life as real...
as reason,
rhyme.