Ludden

Ludden 4d

If Only

I know I made mistakes
And I know I should have been there more
I know you needed more
And I know I should have tried harder
I know you I should have told
And I know not saying cost us
I know that's all on me
And I know I don't deserve you
But if I ever get a second chance
I know it will be different

Ludden 5d

Knowing

Somethings need no explanation
You see a word
You know it's spelt wrong
A letter out of place
You just know it

You may know nothing about music
Until a wrong chord is struck
One bad note
And no one has to tell you
You just know it

I came to know you
Beyond the person people see
There was nothing out of place
No wrong chord in my heart
The perfect imperfections
A true mountain leveled to a molehill
There were no words to explain
I just knew it

I really wish she could see this one...

Ludden 6d

Unable

Turned away
Unable to withdraw
Turned towards
Unable to get close
Invisible forces in action
Unable to resist
Despite desperate intentions
Always unable
To resist your magnetism

Ludden Mar 23

The Caterpillar

The unknown fate of the caterpillar
Will it be butterfly or moth
Beauty or disgust
The caterpillar doesn't know
While it spins its cocoon
And begins its compulsory service
Waiting and waiting
To see what it becomes
At last the moment...
My bitterness emerges

Ludden Mar 21

The Bottle

The plastic bottle on the path
Begging to be picked up
Countless thousands ignore it
Leaving it for the next
To come along

Suddenly it's not ignored
A foot reaches out and kicks it
Surely this must be the moment
But then another kick
And then another,
The bottle is along for the ride

The path now ending
The daylight fading
The endless kicking seems to slow
But then a voice rings out
"I'll pick that up tomorrow"

This was written less from raw emotion and more from momentum. The question of "what next" and the realization that the decision was not going to be forthcoming any time soon...

Ludden Mar 21

The Final Goodbye

The final goodbye
Its not a surprise
I pushed so hard
Saw it happening
Couldn't stop it
Loathed myself for it

The final goodbye
I thought would hurt more
But it feels self inflicted
Which took the sting
I already felt empty
Now it feels complete

The final goodbye
They say it's sweet sorrow
Why did I make it bitter
And the worst part is knowing
If I wound up back there
I couldn't help it a second time

- Ludden Soss

This past week has been the crescendo to one of the worst two month stretches I've ever experienced. Tragic loss, a relationship sliding away, health issues, and then the final gut punch of that relationship ending with a thud. I hope this poem that I wrote tonight after the final nail was put in the coffin will be the closure we all look for when great things end.

Ludden Mar 21

Digging

Just keep digging
Keeping busy
Going deeper
Until the memories fade away

Just keep digging
Deeper still
Lower and lower
Convinced you can run away

Just keep digging
Until you find
The sudden truth
Her face will never go away