There is a void in me , in my heart , my soul and my life
I’m found yet I feel so restless, so at sea
To lose you as cost me everything , and now it feels like it’s taking my sanity
The fall from grace is so far, so hard
It’s left me with many scars
So day by day I try manifest you back
While trying to take my power back too,
I need it more than you
I don’t need you anymore
But you need me
I worry that when you wake up to that and see
That ill no longer like you
yet my love for you may be even stronger
My soul and the universe are still calling me to you
Still calling your name
Whether it’s up above in the sky so blue that I swear I could see your eyes
Or down below at the ocean watching the tides
breathe in and out
Or looking to the moon and stars shining so bright yet so far away
Just like you
I hurled the ring you gave me into the ocean yesterday
Burnt all my writings about you coming home up in flame
And yes I felt lighter for maybe a few minutes but I woke up after dreaming of you…. All over again

I walk this road alone yet never lonely
So many different homes yet you’re the only
One I seem to be at home with
It is I on this mission yet you support me wholely

So many paths to tread and so many to distract
Yet when I divert from my track you always pull me back
Funny how I never knew such a love I lacked
Funny how I never knew I was a gem to be kept intact

I find happiness in the hardest of times
Some say I like diamonds in fact I over mine
Digging deep within always searching for new ways to win
You make it easy for me so I find comfort within my skin

Whether I’m on an high or a low
Somehow you make me return to my soul
It’s times like these I cherish most
You understand what I need or when I leave to ghost

What have I deserved to recieve such a lover
A partner to set goals with a person to discover
We see the world the same yet so so different
I think this is why we love eachother
So deeply , we even teach others to appreciate one another

This world needs more of what you are made of
Intellect in a way that is so admired it takes off
Like a bird to the clouds you inspire others to fly
This is something that I continue to admire

There is a peace oh so tranquil when you are around
And when you’re not with me it is the thought of you that keeps me to ground
I can see the smile on your face and that voice of magic sound
I can feel your skin against mine soft yet so loud

I could write a book about the things that make you
Yet it would go on forever as you transform so much through
This life , bringing myself and others along too
It is you it is you , I love only you

Sometimes I sit and ponder
Was she dropped from the myriad of stars full of wonder
Was she made just for me by some talented sculptor
Then I’m reminded that you were made only for you

Sculpted from sands and dunes colored red by their age
From the oldest of earths was your soul conceived, made
What you carry is love, kindness, knowledge and change
Through the ages your soul so patiently waited

Till the stars were aligned
Scars made for you to heal and find
It is funny that I was so closely behind
your arrival was perfect, well fated on time

My love I think of you in my darkest moments
My happiest dreams
When I’m at my lowest
It is you that I think of when I cannot go on
It is you that spurs me to continue with love

One day I shall repay you for all that you’ve done
One day I hope to recieve our first son
There is much growing snd living to do don’t get me wrong
But it is with you by my side that I will be a champion

It is you it is you
Forever it will be
It is you it is you
Thank you for helping me be set free

Sometimes life is pain and obstacles
Glimmers of hope may break through the clouds of dark fog like slivers of sun
But the pain still resides
You try to release it
Maybe even shut it off
Close the door or block your ears
But the ears of the heart hear it all
The heart speaks and you have no where to run or hide
You can only listen
You may try to drown it out with substances, people or distractions
But those are just that…
Distractions and little lies you indulge in
The truth of the heart always shines out
Even when it’s hurtful
This immense pain raining down on you like a hurricane from all directions
And even when you make it to the eye of the storm and all seems calm
You feel stuck, stagnant, knowing that if you move , you may be swept back into the chaos
Yet if you stay there is no where to go
So you try to be the observer of the chaos
Of your own thoughts , feelings and pain
And yes that does help
But then the morning comes and you still feel it
The night and the inbetween moments are loud enough to burst your ear drums
So you try to break the walls of the hurricane
Getting bashed by all manners of objects, chaos and the old traumas it sweeps up in its grip
Yet still you try pushing through
A little bit , day by day, 1% more every chance you get
Then you have days where things really are better, you can’t see the way, in or out
But you can feel that it is there, somewhere on the horizon, waiting for you to reach out and grab it
Then there are days like today
When the way out seems easier
The cowards way out by note and noose
Why continue to live with this pain when you could just end it all and start again
Then you remember a wise man once said
“The face of death in this life is the face you are born with in the next.”
So you try and push through the walls again tomorrow….

I sit at the beach and watch birds go by
Oh to be a bird that can feel the whole sky
Oh to fly oh to fly
And to feel the free air
Not a worry or shackle to hold it in fear
Fully detached and let go
They only need to feel then they go
Flying high in the sky so free and so whole
Oh to fly oh to fly
What a joy it would be
I can sit and watch for hours
This is a blessing to me
For at least I can watch as they soar oh so free
And feel nothing but joy for them no pain or envy
For a moment I am with them
Almost carried in their wings
Oh to fly oh to fly
What a beautiful gift
The universe just holds them and watches them sway
As they fly above the waves
And let the wind carry them away
Where they go physically we know that much is true
But where their souls go and experience
I guess we will never see
Nor feel
And that’s the freedom that comes with the flight
No fighting the currents
Just flying with pure sight
The intention to survive and be free
Is all they have
Until they don’t and they’re gone but to me they will last
It’s incredible this gift
Transient and so fragile
Yet so strong and forgiving
To me such pure living
Feeling life in its splendour and all it’s simplicity’s
Away from our thoughts and all our complex intricacies
Oh to fly oh to fly
I’m amazed everyday
How they just ride through the waves
Of the wind and it’s ways
What a beautiful gift I say yet again
For a moment I’m free with them
Yet again I will say
That I am whole and complete
And just as wholly I am free
It is time for me
I have healed and now I dream
Oh to fly oh to fly
My soul soars the skies
With the birds and the wind
I no longer hear the cries
That old me is dead , finished and depleted
He has done his job but now done
Six feet under
I am free as the sun
Oh to fly oh to fly
What a beautiful gift
Oh to fly oh to fly
My souls has been lifted

I sit wonder what if I died would she regret this
I sit and ponder are her eyes still my beholder
They say love and beauty is growing older
But how can I love her when I’m not close to her

I see us walking down the beach this December
Holding hands , loving each other wholly together
I see us reunited even stronger, with a love that cures all hunger

I see her heart open and forgive
I see her willing me back into this
most beautiful relationship that will last an age
The most beautiful partnership in which we will turn into sages

I will fulfill all my prophecies
And you are one of them
I will fulfil all my promises
And give you my children

Your womb is where my seed will lay
But it is you who will create
The life and in turn the child
One of the greatest humans that will be around

Our children will be beautiful bold yet gentle
They will be powerful , fun and kind
Bringing healing and understanding to us and all mankind

It is with you that I see this future with
It is with you that the lord shall show us both love, grace and forgiveness

It is you I have always longed for
I just wish I had known it sooner

It is you I now wait and prepare for
It is you who will know when we are ready

I put my trust wholeheartedly in you
In this process for us both for truth
Healing, love, patience and understanding
Plus forgiveness and a long lasting marriage

Till death do us part my love
Till death do us part
I will always love you
Below and above

Inside and out
I cannot wait to figure this life out
With you

It was always you and always will be
I’m waiting patiently to reconvene
And reconcile but so much more

This life of ours is meant to be together and never bored
Not dull , full of love and heaven
Not hell
The healing taking place within us both right now
Will only be truly complete when we reconnect and recieve
Each others love wholeheartedly and unconditionally

I love her
Always and so deeply

The devil is in the details
So I study every line
There’s heathens in the mountains
They think they’re worshiping divine

I just can’t help but wonder
How their worlds so deep intwined
It keeps me from my slumber
Maybe they’re just benign

Yet somehow I feel this hunger
Ravenous, empty malign
Is there something deeper missing
Is there something to their whine

Is there malice in their prayers
As they bow below their shrine
does healthy faith fulfil their purpose
Or does the dark pursue their minds

I often think of them These heathens
As they live their brainwashed lives
Are they ever going to notice
That they’ll never be free but confined

Ideals and rules they keep them barred
Like so many in the past
Yes I may bare many a scar
But it is I who will outlast

The devil is in the details
Or so I’m told a lot
The devil is in the details
You best beware his plots

Many men have been led astray
Many men’s minds have Rot
I see the pain upon their face
The machines of war do not

The world will turn while many burn
Sun up , rain or shine
The night will forever remain and return  
Saving so many from the heat of light

Others won’t count themselves so lucky
As the night yearns to consume their souls
The darkness ensues
The blackness will churn

Many lose heart and cave
Just to become forgotten lives
Wiped a new by the rays of dawn
Such a pity yet the sun must rise

A new day of torment awaits
Not always were things so sinister
They’re getting worse but it’s not too late
Mankind still has a card to play

That card will decide it’s fate
Will you be apart of the new world order
Or will you guard the gates
The war is coming like it or not
This war decides our fate

The devil is in the details
But devils don’t decide our fate
The devil is in the details
It is time to stop playing it’s game

The devil is in the details
The devil is at our gates
Don’t give the devil free reign
Or you’ll never decide your own fate

Feel the sand
Feel the sun and all it has to give
Feel it wholly the sea so scary yet it makes me live
Free yet so grounded
Moving with ease
My struggles and burdens leave through my feet
From the soles of my feet my soul gets release
I am moving I am moving strong yet so free
This new found power I’ve realised is old
I have let loose all my shackles and strife I had to hold
The key is in that last line for me
“Had to”  
I’ve been me all along just trapped underneath
All my own thoughts and traumas that life sent to me
Yet it is I that persevered through them all to break free
If it wasn’t for she
I couldn’t have found me
And now I know as I always did that she holds the key
Not to my happiness nor anything that I lack
I am whole and complete
I am love fully detached
Yet it is her I want to hold near
Her I call dear
It is her it is her
It has always been her
Now I wait while we grow
Apart yet together
For our souls are only truly whole when we are together
I will make her my wife but not in the western sense
In a union so unconditional that our love never ends
In her womb my heart lies
In her womb my souls eyes
And hers will create such beautiful beings
For the universe and our higher selves
Have made this so destined
For now we are apart yet again I say together
For individually we move through the very same processes
And for now that must be
Left alone so we can see
That together we are better and who we want to be
Our families will be brought together again
Yet this time with no pain, no strain
Just love, acceptance, healing and gain
Our successes we will hold dear but share with the world
I love you so deeply
Wholeheartedly and unconditional
But I understand that right now it’s not right for you to be with me
Nor I with you
And that is more than okay
But when we get together we will be free from this heartache
We will make all this right
And take these struggles in our stride
For together we are stronger
Together we are forever
Thank you for making me the man I am
I do not discredit myself or my plans
Or the traumas and strife that I alone had to endure
But it is you who showed me the way through my fears
It is you who can light up the darkest of days
It is you who smiles so freely my soul sways
Your eyes touch mine and I can feel the suns rays
And instead of burning or blinding
They open my way
They show me the path
Whether it’s through , under or over
It is you it is you
Who shows me it’s okay…..