It hits you like a bullet all of a sudden but so expectedly you think it funny you didn't figure it out sooner
the extent of my love for you
I only just realized
I should have noticed when my sun moved
from the sky to beside me
entwining fingers with shining eyes that envelope me in a warmth penetrating my chest
and lying dormant
until I need it in your absence
you've illuminated the darkness
that once consumed me
and now I just want to bask
in the very essence of you
and this epiphany

It's there just beyond my fingertips
Something so much better than this pain
Seeping through my pores
to pool on cold tile that sings of sterilization
A bottle that lies nearly empty
telling a story of a soul that is nearly done
with shinning
how can a heart that's broken beat
how can we really tell if something is alive
or just pretending to be
if a smile is sincere
or just a lovely way to say I'm sorry
for what I am
I've heard apologizes too many times to start handing them out
instead I'll just quietly scream my resignation
and sink beneath the surface of myself

can anyone really save another person I believe we are all stuck
in our own personal hells
waiting for someone to tell us
that it's ok to cry
to be weak for a second
in a world that destroys anything
as beautiful as a warped soul
so I'll bleed out my beliefs
until I run dry
waiting for my someone
who's not coming

I missed you today,
A little more than yesterday
But not as much
As I'll miss you tomorrow.

In the book of Romans, the Apostle Paul says :
"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."

I do not know anything about God except that he was sure to not make us strong enough.
When people leave something, even if they don't see it, even if their memory forgets it so strongly that it's existence becomes less than it has ever been before, something in the world forgets how to grow.
Forgiveness is difficult.
Understanding is difficult.
But no one ever really has time for things that come easy.
Remember that we did not give the world it's color, we are only here to watch it change.


I am only here to show you that even in loss, even in darkness and ways and places that we may never understand, there is always something to see.
I wonder if everything in this world is connected in some way similar to that, and if we, in our most bare state of being, were once broken at the hip from the pieces of this world we hold most beautiful.

I know what the body sings, and what pushes blood inside people's arms and legs, how life and death is the only art that humanity is worthy of remembering. About the ending of things: is there any better way to die than lying on concrete, feeling your Life detach itself from your core and knowing nothing that you can hold on to is going to save you today, knowing that this is simply a conclusion of what was always there?
Remember: we never love anything enough to keep it alive,
and whether or not you want to believe it, you need more than love, because we are not built to withstand something so immense.
But in our lifetime, if we are lucky, we will find someone who makes you feel the way you do when you hear your Mother laughing from the living room.
How even the smallest ways to love things are greater than happy endings and how even in our greatest moments we are simply what we are.

Help me with fingernails
down my back
Because I can't seem to wake up
I'm lost in a fog of unfulfilled desires
I can't breathe without your tongue down my throat
My feet can't find where I last stood
in a place where id find you
With mused hair and a listless smile
Lovely heart on your sleeve
Can I reach out
and grab your attention
A piece of your precious time
My watch is broken
but I'm pretty sure it's past time
for you to ditch productivity
in exchange for some passion

Another night set to be stuck in your head
Where your heart stabs at your consciousness
begging for you to listen
and your mind whispers just hold
on a little longer
Until this storm passes
You've always had a hard time standing still when someone looks at you with soft eyes and open arms
It's best to run
until your chest feels tight
and your lungs fill with lost love letters
Touches can be void of affection
and feel so much better
than if they were laced
with expectations and promises
and fear
So turn over your pillow
so it's cool side presses against your skin
and pretend you're not alone tonight