When you said "I love you"
did you mean it
or were you just spewing senseless things
people say in the dark
You feel unreal under my fingertips
Your hips are far too perfect
to be left unscathed
so I'll cover them in bruises
and kiss your forehead
until you can feel my thoughts
of tenderness entangle in your hair
and you hear my voice in every silence
knowing I'm wordlessly  calling
your name and cursing you
for breaking my will towards anything that is you
I've figured out now what my favorite look on you is
your eyes tell me what I want to hear while your lips are busy making sure
I can't breathe
oxygen is as unnecessary as clothes
I suppose I don't mind
if you poke fun at my condition
of being hopelessly taken with you

How can you feel as unloved
as a cold winter night
without street lamps
When everyone around you
still catches your eye
and sends you a smile
wrapped in praise  
How can such a small distance
Seem as uncrossable as a pitch
dark river filled with cast away words
If I tried swimming would I drown
in all my forgotten weaknesses
I keep trying to grab the ropes
thrown to me
But I've grown tired of excuses
and promises
I just want to feel what you feel
as you grab my hand
Was that affection in your eyes
or pity
Could you smile with a bit more feeling please
I can't quite hear it in my heart

You'll never be good enough
the blade says
as it cuts the wings from my back
the ones I used to think
could make me fly
you can carve perfect in your mind
as many times as you want
but it'll never seep through your skin
To perfume the air
the aura of ease
no longer does it come from you
How can I hope to keep up
when stars fall faster than I
And they know they all know
To catch you when you stumble
I wish they would turn a blind eye
Sympathy burns like rejection
And my blade is kinder
than their eyes

I find that I am often shoving smiles into heart shaped boxes
Void of velvet bliss
that I associate with love
Happiness shouldn't feel like
bated breath
Or warm feet
on a hard wood floor
Sadness shouldn't hang around
like an umbrella protecting you
from the rain
Jealousy shouldn't feel
like a forgotten song
or maybe one you never knew well
to begin with
Anger shouldn't be the only thing
I truly feel
caught in my throat
And filling my tears
Why is it that all I ever want to do is sleep
I think my heart broke a long time ago and I'm just now realizing it
Or maybe I never had one
And I am a broken record

Sorry if I'm rude or unpleasant
I just can't breath
These whirling winds of conflict
Don't sit well on my shoulders
I don't do well under pressure
Of a blanket and hopeful eyes
Excuse me if I snap
I just have whiplash
Things never sit straight in my mind
I think I've forgotten how to be