How can you feel as unloved
as a cold winter night
without street lamps
When everyone around you
still catches your eye
and sends you a smile
wrapped in praise  
How can such a small distance
Seem as uncrossable as a pitch
dark river filled with cast away words
If I tried swimming would I drown
in all my forgotten weaknesses
I keep trying to grab the ropes
thrown to me
But I've grown tired of excuses
and promises
I just want to feel what you feel
as you grab my hand
Was that affection in your eyes
or pity
Could you smile with a bit more feeling please
I can't quite hear it in my heart

You'll never be good enough
the blade says
as it cuts the wings from my back
the ones I used to think
could make me fly
you can carve perfect in your mind
as many times as you want
but it'll never seep through your skin
To perfume the air
the aura of ease
no longer does it come from you
How can I hope to keep up
when stars fall faster than I
And they know they all know
To catch you when you stumble
I wish they would turn a blind eye
Sympathy burns like rejection
And my blade is kinder
than their eyes

I find that I am often shoving smiles into heart shaped boxes
Void of velvet bliss
that I associate with love
Happiness shouldn't feel like
bated breath
Or warm feet
on a hard wood floor
Sadness shouldn't hang around
like an umbrella protecting you
from the rain
Jealousy shouldn't feel
like a forgotten song
or maybe one you never knew well
to begin with
Anger shouldn't be the only thing
I truly feel
caught in my throat
And filling my tears
Why is it that all I ever want to do is sleep
I think my heart broke a long time ago and I'm just now realizing it
Or maybe I never had one
And I am a broken record

Sorry if I'm rude or unpleasant
I just can't breath
These whirling winds of conflict
Don't sit well on my shoulders
I don't do well under pressure
Of a blanket and hopeful eyes
Excuse me if I snap
I just have whiplash
Things never sit straight in my mind
I think I've forgotten how to be

My four leaf clover of a life
Dressed in smiles
And suspended in the warmth
Of open arms and open minds
Unending in their surprises
Wrapped in misleading boxes
But the bows give them away
Gifts that are better left appreciated
In the grace of good company

I wish I hadn't shown you
All the hidden parts of me
I wish I wouldn't of let you get so close
Close enough to hurt me
And I remember things I said
About your hair
Your eyes
Your skin
How I wanted to touch you then
But I was afraid I'd taint you with my sins
You coaxed me
through my ill-fitted mindset
Mended my wordless wings
Someone as pretty as you should smile more
But all you offer up
is closed mouth emotion
Maybe that's because your lips are locked tight
Around the words you won't say
Though they travel through your fingers
And imprint upon my skin
In misunderstood bruises
and artistic scratches
I let you carve in my mind
A new idea
I liked how it tasted
On the tip of my tongue
But now it's caught in my throat
And I'm choking