You'll never be good enough
the blade says
as it cuts the wings from my back
the ones I used to think
could make me fly
you can carve perfect in your mind
as many times as you want
but it'll never seep through your skin
To perfume the air
the aura of ease
no longer does it come from you
How can I hope to keep up
when stars fall faster than I
And they know they all know
To catch you when you stumble
I wish they would turn a blind eye
Sympathy burns like rejection
And my blade is kinder
than their eyes

I find that I am often shoving smiles into heart shaped boxes
Void of velvet bliss
that I associate with love
Happiness shouldn't feel like
bated breath
Or warm feet
on a hard wood floor
Sadness shouldn't hang around
like an umbrella protecting you
from the rain
Jealousy shouldn't feel
like a forgotten song
or maybe one you never knew well
to begin with
Anger shouldn't be the only thing
I truly feel
caught in my throat
And filling my tears
Why is it that all I ever want to do is sleep
I think my heart broke a long time ago and I'm just now realizing it
Or maybe I never had one
And I am a broken record

Sorry if I'm rude or unpleasant
I just can't breath
These whirling winds of conflict
Don't sit well on my shoulders
I don't do well under pressure
Of a blanket and hopeful eyes
Excuse me if I snap
I just have whiplash
Things never sit straight in my mind
I think I've forgotten how to be

My four leaf clover of a life
Dressed in smiles
And suspended in the warmth
Of open arms and open minds
Unending in their surprises
Wrapped in misleading boxes
But the bows give them away
Gifts that are better left appreciated
In the grace of good company

I wish I hadn't shown you
All the hidden parts of me
I wish I wouldn't of let you get so close
Close enough to hurt me
And I remember things I said
About your hair
Your eyes
Your skin
How I wanted to touch you then
But I was afraid I'd taint you with my sins
You coaxed me
through my ill-fitted mindset
Mended my wordless wings
Someone as pretty as you should smile more
But all you offer up
is closed mouth emotion
Maybe that's because your lips are locked tight
Around the words you won't say
Though they travel through your fingers
And imprint upon my skin
In misunderstood bruises
and artistic scratches
I let you carve in my mind
A new idea
I liked how it tasted
On the tip of my tongue
But now it's caught in my throat
And I'm choking

The gun that's pointed at my head
Loaded with bullets of blame
Your ammunition of self-service
I know that I'm never around
Closed doors on my doings
And clipped winged words
I know that look
Pools of discontent
And loneliness
I know I'm the cause
And I'm sorry
Guilt is the worst kind of sickness
And my finger is infected
So it is more than able to the pull the trigger
On my wasted youth

Your eyes aren't filled with
Tenderness
And you mouth doesn't match your Fingers
Your ears are filled with filters
And I don't think you can read
How could you possibly feel
the same about me
Or maybe it's me
Turning tricks in my head
That ***** with my logic
My feelings wreak havoc
Numb hearts are better left
Untouched
And broken beings
Who've been put back together
So many times they don't know
What they truly are anymore
Are better left
Alone