I wish there was somebody
I could honest tell,
That the life I'm living
is my own personal hell,
I learnt speak aloud
how I truly feel.
For the hurt it would
because I could never heal.

I live for my family it's their
life I'm leading not mine,
Life flashes by me so quickly
I'm running out of time,
I try to please them all but
I'm physically not able,
In front of others I try and
appear I am still stable.

I will try my hardest,
and try my best,
But my families drama
is a daily test,
To check my patience in
each and every way,
I wish they could all just
stop for even a single day.

To step back and see all
the pain they cause me,
It’s not normality, not
the way a family should be.
I remind myself that this is
only something I can only dream,
yet to others entertaining it must seem.

You see my families greatest weakness
is the alcohol that they all drink,
They wont admit this or take
a step back and to think,
its not just there own life
that it does affect,
It’s not a solution you know when
life is all but perfect.

My families poison I make
sure I stay well clear,
I couldn't cause that pain,
not even a single tear,
The black sheep of the
family they all make me feel,
But no matter what they throw
at me I will always heal.

When weakness creeps up on
me down the motorway I must go,
I must always stop my family
from seeing how they hurt me so,
The price I pay to keep my
daughter free is steep,
But this fight I will win,
repatision I will always keep.

Although the years may have
stripped me slowly bit by bit,
My secret inner weakness I will never
allow any of them to ever hit,
Shush... don't tell them, I grew stronger
the day my daughter was born,
I now no longer question living;
I am no longer torn.

I vowed to never allow my little
girl to follow the life I've had,
I will ensure her life doesn't turn out
anywhere near quite as bad.

I wish we had more time; more
memories together,
But instead, I will cherish the time
we had forever,
I will never forgive myself - towards the end I
wasn't there,
I'm grateful that the family was by your side to show you
we do care.
I pray that it's true that your passing was painless
and quick,
And that you're now at peace up there and no longer
feeling sick.

My best friend made me smile and giggle, Dad. She said
to me,
You're up there probably drinking, smoking and watching
the rugby?
Can you remember Claire, Dad? Years passed, but she knew
you well,
That was your personal heaven, and anyone that knew
you could tell.
I already miss you so much, Dad - more than words
can ever say,
I already think of you every second of
every day.

I think it was the simple things in life you chose
to live for,
Because you were happier knowing you gave your loved
ones more,
I know you hid behind your bark with others but you had
a heart of gold,
You would deny it because strangely you preferred others
saw you as cold,
See, I knew you, Dad, even if you mainly showed how you
felt in drink,
You were a jolly drunk and softer than most people
would think.

I told you, Dad, there were more people that cared for
you than you thought,
Many of us that you have left behind; all of us
are now distraught,
I know the tears I hold back will flow
before too long,
But I will do you proud, Dad, and try my hardest
to stay strong.

Your place on this earth I know no one
will ever forget,
And not one minute with you I
will ever regret.
Every night I will look at the
stars in the sky,
But for today, Dad, this
is my Goodbye.

After the years have passed us by,
Longing for more for time as we try,
Fewer days that we can spend together,
Discovering our love is denied forever,
Reflecting back to when our love did begin,
Wishing you could fight this battle and win,
You had to stay positive, you could only try,
You didn't show any fear, you didn't even cry,
Sat here beside you I had to appear strong,
Knowing every second without is too long,
You’re slowly slipping away from me lying
in that bed,
The final words you gasped to me I remember you said,

"I'm not leaving you, I'm right here by your side,
Live life to the fullest, don’t stay inside and hide,
I will never leave you, believe me don’t you see,
Because I'm in your heart and forever that will be."

My heart aches for you Dad
why did you have to go?
I'm trying to hold back the tears
and not let the pain show,
But I'm angry and sad dad, angry
because you was took from me,
But mostly sad because in my
life you can no longer be.

I know you tried fighting it
Dad right up to the very end,
But death suddenly snatched you away
when we thought you was on the mend,
You tried hiding away because you
was stubborn and you was strong,
But I'm sorry I told everyone they would
have found out you was ill before long.

I know you had it in your head they
had no right to know as they didn't care,
But more people than you realised
had there peace with you to bare,
I wont lie dad to me you wasn't a
perfect parent but none of us are,
But I saw how much you changed,
you tried harder, you raised the bar.

It doesn't matter to me how much
you did I will always love you,
And I hope I spent enough time
with you that you know this is true,
I will always keep in mind, gone
but never forgotten as I always say,
Because dad how can I ever forget
that you passed away near my birthday.

I'm grateful our last conversation for
a change wasn't all that bad,
You told me you was proud of me
for that I shouldn't be sad,
So I will make you proud dad and
write a story like I promised to,
And if I get published one day my first
book will be dedicated to you.

I feel for you dad nothing
I write will ever be enough,
But I will keep writing even
when times seem tough,
This final act I can do for you
is to keep to what I last said,
And write my story every word
for you that are in my head.

I wish we had more time, more memories together,
But instead, I will cherish the time we had forever,
I will never forgive myself - towards the end I wasn't there,
The family was by your side to show you we do care.
I pray that it's true that your passing was painless and quick,
And that you're now at peace up there and no longer feeling sick.

I already miss you so much, Dad - more than words can ever say,
I already think of you every second of every day.
It was the simple things in life you chose to live for,
Because you were happier knowing you gave your loved ones more,
You hid behind your bark with others but you had a heart of gold,
You strangely preferred others to see you as cold,
I knew you, Dad, even if you mainly showed how you felt in drink,
You were a jolly drunk and softer than most people would think.

There is more people that cared for you than you thought,
You're missed, all of us are left behind distraught,
I know the tears I hold back will flow before too long,
But I will do you proud, Dad, and try my hardest to stay strong.
Your place on this earth I know no one will ever forget,
And not one minute with you I will ever regret.
Every night I will look at the stars in the sky,
But for today, Dad, this is my Goodbye.