I trace my mind for things to say
Of how you left my heart in disarray
I think of all the times we had
Trying to find the ones that were not so bad
Some days I wonder if we would’ve made it
Maybe if we didn’t always fake it
The love we had was so raw, so true
And all I can think about are the memories of you
As days go by I slowly see
Everything I wish we could be
My heart is hurting as I try
To slowly say my final goodbye

I miss everything about you, is that so bad?
After everything you’ve done, why do I want you back?
I search my mind everyday for answers that never come.
I miss you.
Your smell, your touch.
I miss it all, but somehow you still don’t seem to care.
Is this real or just a feeling?
I desperately wish you’d tell me, why you don’t love me anymore.
I want to come back to you, I know I shouldn’t.
But I’m in love with you, that will never change.
Please let me forget, please let me move on.
Everything I feel for you is heightened in a sense.
Please don’t leave me, please don’t go.
But I want you to, I want you to run far far away, until I can’t feel you anymore.

Somewhere, in the midst of losing you
I think I might’ve lost me too.

John, why must you tell me things I already know?
At night, I wonder if what you said is so.
Time after time, I feel your sadness,
You make me realize your sadness is actually mine.
I try to wrap my head around the words you sing.
You sing in colors, and I begin to see.
I know your loneliness and I know your pain.
But just for a second, you make me feel sane.
Your words enter my brain like nothing before,
John Mayer, you always keep me wanting more.

The things you did, I’ll never understand.
How you can hurt someone, then leave them on dry land.
She desperately wanted you, she truly tried.
But nothing she would do could fix what you feel inside.
You hurt her, everyday.
You left her heart in disarray.
She cries herself to sleep at night, wondering what she did to deserve this.
He’s unable to love,
Unable to feel,
Unable to treat you the way you think is real.
The truth is, someone hurt him too.
Someone who felt the way he did, before you.
Now it’s your turn, to do the hurting.
Does anyone ever overcome a broken heart? Or do they just go in circles, always ending up back at the start.

Today is the day that I let go
To forget all the things I already know
I tried and tried to change your mind
To fix all the things you feel inside
No matter what I did for you
Nothing you ever did for me was true
I thought you’d change
I thought you loved me
I thought after everything you’d be here with me
I don’t understand why you have to leave
Why you have to ruin everything we could be
But in the end I finally know
There’s nothing for me to do except let go

It’s been a while since I’ve seen you,
I wonder what you look like,
I wonder if you think of me.
Does it hurt you to know I’m only miles away?
Or do you never even give it a thought.
I think about you everyday, I’m sorry that I left you.
You hurt me, I just couldn’t take it anymore.
But know that I’ll never forget you.

I guess I just feel like

giving up today

You showed me what I thought was love.
The truth is, it wasn’t love at all.
I morn for the day I feel love like it should be.
The day I fall for someone new.
And in this moment I feel something I’ve never felt before
The sense of you slipping away
Today is my last day of loving you.
And tomorrow will start for me instead of you.

I love you
Something so complex, yet so vulnerable.
I miss you
Something so misleading, yet so wonderful.
I hate you
Something so heartbreaking, yet so casual.
I forgive you
Something so frightening, yet so peaceful.

The hurt I feel inside, is so foreign to me. Even though it’s something I’ve felt many times before. The hurt, is still the same.
I’m trying desperately to forget you, to move on from these thoughts in my head.
All the memories of you, are burned inside my mind.
The day that you left me, felt different than the times before. We’ve done this many times, but none quite like this.
This time it feels real, I feel as if I’ll never see you again. All of the things left unsaid, are just words without meaning. Because for you, this is what you want.
You never think about how these things are going to affect me. You run from me, when things get real, when we get too close. This time is no different.
You’re leaving me, like you’ve done many times before. This time, I hope you stay gone.
I hope I receive the closure I need within your absence. Because in the hardest times of my life, you’ve left.
You left me.
Alone and afraid, of what was to come. You never loved me like you said you did.
How can you not be hurting?
Why do you not love me?

Today I write to express my feelings,
The feeling that my life is passing me by.
As we enter a new year, I think of all I could’ve done,
But everyday all I did was stare up at the sun.
The light guided my way, through the things that left me in disarray.
As I sit here thinking of all I would’ve done differently,
The trials that we faced left us looking up in space,
Wondering if the time would come where all we had was none.

I sit here trying to find the words to write,
I thought I was okay after seeing you that night.
We laughed uncontrollably talking about our past,
But in those moments I knew what I felt wouldn’t last.
I haven’t talked to you since that day,
You told me you wouldn’t leave me and that everything would be okay.
That Halloween night, I stared into your eyes,
Everything you said to me caught me by surprise.
You’ve hurt me before, and always ended up leaving me alone,
But this time I thought it was different, atleast that’s what you told me before you went home.
I’ve given up the thought that we would ever be anything again,
But everyday I try to push you out, and forget my feelings that are within.

Today I feel everything, all at once.
It’s like a wave rushing in, that crashes too soon.
The thought of you makes me sick.
The love I thought I knew, I’ll never forget.
The way you touched me, and held my hand.
Your ocean blue eyes, and our feet in the sand.
I tried to run from you, I tried to hide, I tried to ignore this feeling inside.
The feeling of brokenness, for how much I hated you.
For doing the things, you said you’d never do.  
And now I’m forced to move on, to remove this feeling of you.
And now all I can do, is hope for someone new.

Everything you’ve done, has been for you.
Never did you think about my feelings.
Day by day, you treated me as if I was replaceable.
you treated me like I was a toy that you could play with and throw away when you were finished.
I thought somehow this time would be different,
Maybe after 3 years you would’ve finally changed.
But here we are in the same spot we were time and time before,
Always ending where we started, as strangers.
Maybe it’s easier that way, maybe it’s easier to forget all the things we said, about being together forever.
The truth is, that was always a lie.
We used each other to cover up our past trauma, to feel something that was real.
That was my mistake, thinking we could be something, thinking you loved me.
you don’t love anything, you don’t even love yourself.
I wish you’d just admit this was never going to work.
Maybe it would be easier that way, to forget everything from the start.

Today I saw a bird fly,
It told me I could fly too.
I tried to fly, but fell
Over
        And
                Over
                        Again
The thing about flying is,
You won’t know how far you’ll go,
Until you try.
And if you fail,
You try,
Over
       And
              Over
                    Again
Soon enough, you’ll learn to fly,
As high as the sky can go.
And when you do, you’ll realize,
It wasn’t the flying that was hard,
It was the getting back up,
Over
       And
              Over
                      Again
That showed you,
You could fly all along.

as I look through my brain for words to say,  
all I can do is think back on that day.
the day that you left me,
when I needed you the most.
the day that you deleted me from your life,
and treated me like I was a ghost.
I often think if there's something I could've done,
but the truth is; you were just alone.
two years later, you called me on the phone.
wondering how I've been, and why I was still at home.
I cried myself to sleep that night, hating myself for missing you.
all I know is that the day will come where you miss me too.