Everything you’ve done, has been for you.
Never did you think about my feelings.
Day by day, you treated me as if I was replaceable.
you treated me like I was a toy that you could play with and throw away when you were finished.
I thought somehow this time would be different,
Maybe after 3 years you would’ve finally changed.
But here we are in the same spot we were time and time before,
Always ending where we started, as strangers.
Maybe it’s easier that way, maybe it’s easier to forget all the things we said, about being together forever.
The truth is, that was always a lie.
We used each other to cover up our past trauma, to feel something that was real.
That was my mistake, thinking we could be something, thinking you loved me.
you don’t love anything, you don’t even love yourself.
I wish you’d just admit this was never going to work.
Maybe it would be easier that way, to forget everything from the start.

I trace my mind for things to say
Of how you left my heart in disarray
I think of all the times we had
Trying to find the ones that were not so bad
Some days I wonder if we would’ve made it
Maybe if we didn’t always fake it
The love we had was so raw, so true
And all I can think about are the memories of you
As days go by I slowly see
Everything I wish we could be
My heart is hurting as I try
To slowly say my final goodbye

I sit here trying to find the words to write,
I thought I was okay after seeing you that night.
We laughed uncontrollably talking about our past,
But in those moments I knew what I felt wouldn’t last.
I haven’t talked to you since that day,
You told me you wouldn’t leave me and that everything would be okay.
That Halloween night, I stared into your eyes,
Everything you said to me caught me by surprise.
You’ve hurt me before, and always ended up leaving me alone,
But this time I thought it was different, atleast that’s what you told me before you went home.
I’ve given up the thought that we would ever be anything again,
But everyday I try to push you out, and forget my feelings that are within.

Today I write to express my feelings,
The feeling that my life is passing me by.
As we enter a new year, I think of all I could’ve done,
But everyday all I did was stare up at the sun.
The light guided my way, through the things that left me in disarray.
As I sit here thinking of all I would’ve done differently,
The trials that we faced left us looking up in space,
Wondering if the time would come where all we had was none.

as I look through my brain for words to say,  
all I can do is think back on that day.
the day that you left me,
when I needed you the most.
the day that you deleted me from your life,
and treated me like I was a ghost.
I often think if there's something I could've done,
but the truth is; you were just alone.
two years later, you called me on the phone.
wondering how I've been, and why I was still at home.
I cried myself to sleep that night, hating myself for missing you.
all I know is that the day will come where you miss me too.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen you,
I wonder what you look like,
I wonder if you think of me.
Does it hurt you to know I’m only miles away?
Or do you never even give it a thought.
I think about you everyday, I’m sorry that I left you.
You hurt me, I just couldn’t take it anymore.
But know that I’ll never forget you.

I guess I just feel like

giving up today