The past got a grip like cracks in my lane,
Every push forward still echoes the pain.
Green flags got me swervin’ , are they truth or a trick?
Red ones got rhythm, but it’s makin’ me sick.

Love left bruises under sugar-sweet lies,
Told me I was safe, then dipped in disguise.
Now I second guess peace, flinch at a touch,
Like maybe I’m the problem for feelin’ too much.

Skatin’ past memories, wheels hum like a song,
But my heart’s still askin’ where it all went wrong.
Can I just breathe, just coast for a while?
Let go of the hurt and relearn my smile?

I don’t need a finish line, just space to be,
To glide through the chaos and finally feel free.
Even if the signs blur and my path’s unclear,
I’ll ride on faith and let go of fear.

I know why I feel like a misfit
It’s not a flaw, it’s a sign.
The world never knew what to do with me,
But heaven had me in mind.

I walk with a limp, not for pity,
But proof that I fought to survive.
They called me too much, too broken, too raw,
But somehow—I’m still alive.

I never fit in with the polished,
Never played by their rules or their game.
But even in silence, and out of their sight,
My Shepherd still whispered my name.

He left the ninety-nine just for me,
The one they’d already dismissed.
I wasn’t a prize to the people I loved,
But to Him, I was deeply missed.

The sheep with the thorns in her wool,
The wild eyes, the trembling knees
He wrapped me in grace, dirt and all,
And whispered, “You still belong to Me.”

So now when I feel like a misfit,
Like I’m drifting too far from the shore,
I remember the One who came running,
When no one else opened the door.

Let them keep their clean reputations
Their comfort, their gold, their acclaim.
I’ll keep my scars and my freedom,
And the power that lives in His name.

I’m the story that grace made holy,
The outcast He chose to adore.
I know why I feel like a misfit…
I was the one He left the 99 for.

Now that I’ve moved on—
suddenly,
you can’t stand me.
Like my peace is your punishment.
Like my healing
is the crime
you never thought I’d commit.

Your true colors—
they don’t bleed,
they spill,
like oil on water,
ugly and slick
for everyone to finally see.

I am their mother.
Their comfort.
Their calm.
Their safe place in a storm.

But you—
you turned love into leverage.
And for what?
To hurt me?
To feel power?
To prove some twisted point?

You scream and you snap,
but it’s only the reflection
of your own actions biting back.

And while you're too busy
drowning in your rage,
you don't see it—
the silent tears,
the confusion,
the ache in their little faces
when they ask for me.

They miss me.
They need me.

They don’t understand
how a father who claims to love them
can be so blind
to the hurt he’s causing
just by keeping them away.

But I see.

I see it all.
And even through the heartbreak,
I rise—
not for revenge,
not for pride—
but for them.

For the girls.
For the love that never left.
For the mother I still am
even behind closed doors and court orders.

Because they were never pawns.
They are my purpose.

And no lie,
no tantrum,
no temporary silence
will change that truth.

When we first met,
I truly thought I was Cinderella—
not because I needed saving,
but because somehow,
even in the mess,
you made it all feel magical.

The nights felt golden.
Your words were spells,
and I believed every one.

We did everything right.
Or at least,
we did everything the way love told us to—
with open hearts and reckless hope.
But the world had other plans.
The odds…
they were never in our favor.

You were beautiful chaos.
You swept me off my feet,
and I let you.
Not because I couldn’t stand on my own—
but because it felt so good to lean.

With time,
that magic faded into something colder.
You called me crazy.
But was I really?

Or were you just tired of hiding
the pieces of yourself I finally started to see?

Yes—
I’m an addict.
Not because I wanted to be.
But because somewhere along the way,
I mistook numbness for peace,
and love for escape.

If I could go back—
God, I’d undo the blow.
I’d pull that night from the sky
and rewrite it without the high.
But I was in love.
Or I thought I was.
Was it real?
Or just another illusion
you let me fall into?

Maybe you always knew
how this would end.

But now,
this is my story.
And I finally see that.

So I sit with the ache,
the ruin,
the memories we buried in dust and denial—
and I do the one thing
you never thought I could:

I choose myself.

I edit the pages,
tear out the lies,
press the pain into poetry.
And with shaking hands,
I close the chapter
where I loved you more than I ever loved me.

This isn’t a fairytale.

But it’s still a love story.
A different kind.
The kind where the girl walks away—
not bitter,
not broken—
but whole.

And ready for her sequel.

You ain’t no preacher, but you saved me still,
Tatted knuckles, cold stare, but your love? Too real.
A Westside gangster with a lovers  soul,
Took a shattered heart and made it whole.

You never flinched when I snapped in pain,
Never judged the storm, just danced in my rain.
I came from chaos, broken, undone,
But you held me like I was second to none.

I got trauma stitched deep in my bones,
But with you? I ain't never felt alone.
You didn’t run from the ruins I hid,
You built a home in a place no one did.

You know my name, but call me "Free,"
Cause that's who I am when you're next to me.
I ain’t soft, but you softened the edge,
Taught me love on a different pledge.

You’re the calm in my temper, the hush in my heat,
My heart had a limp, but you made it beat.
Every wrong thought I’ve ever had—you alredy knew,
But never once threw shame like most dudes do.

You’re that slow roll down the boulevard, High fade, mind sharp, hands scarred.
But gentle with me like I’m glass in your **** ,
Calling me out,  while keeping me calm.

A gangster, yeah, but not just that,
You’re the one who listens when the whole world laughs.
You see through the mess, the mask I wear,
And you kiss my pain like it ain’t even there.

We talk dreams in my late-night smoke,
Laughed through tears when the world went broke.
I ain’t gotta explain the things I done,
You just nod, “That’s why your the one.”

You don’t talk God, but you live like grace,
A warrior with three dots written all in his face.
You fix what you didn’t break, heal what you didn’t touch,
And I never knew a gangster could love like this

So when they ask me why I ride for you...
I say, “He held me down when no one knew.
When my world got dark, he brought that light,
Didn’t save me with words—he just stayed and fought right, and He wants all the Smoke ."

You don’t need halos or heaven’s gate,
Cause you loved me bold and carried the weight.
And I swear on every scar I’ve earned,
With you is the peace I never learned.

So here’s to us—two stories deep,
Two souls that never played for keeps.
You’re my calm, my fight, my truth in the mess,
And in this world of almosts, you're my yes.