Last night I finally let myself feel it
the pain I’ve been swallowing for years,
the pieces I’ve stitched inside my chest so nobody else would see the mess.
It’s been long overdue
the break, the sobs I choke down in the dark,
the nights I drive around with nowhere to go,
talking to God out loud like maybe He’ll sit in the passenger seat
and tell me I’m not crazy for carrying this much.

I’ve always been the strong one
the one that holds it all together for everyone else.
The one who smiles so nobody sees the storm under my ribs.
The one who picks up the phone for people
who’d let mine ring till it dies.
The one who keeps secrets, swallows hurt,
patches wounds that ain’t even hers
because loyalty sits too deep in my blood to wash out.

You’d think it’d make me hard
but it didn’t.
It made me softer.
It made me the safe place I always needed
but never found.
It made me the friend I wish I could call
when my mind won’t shut off at night
and my prayers taste like iron in my mouth.

And last night when I cracked, Cameron stayed.
Of all people ..........him.
The last one I wanted to see me ugly-cry,
snot-nosed, shaking, every piece spilling out.
But the truth is I’d choose him every time

because I see me in him.
Same heart, same stubborn soul,
same way of loving too hard and holding too much
for people who never hold it back the same.
He didn’t run.
Didn’t tell me you’ll be okay like a lie.
He just stayed ....
and sometimes that’s the only prayer you need answered.

I look at him and I want the world for him.
I want him to feel what it’s like to lay his armor down
without getting stabbed for it.
I want him to rest for once.
I want him to taste peace he doesn’t have to pay for
with pieces of his spirit.
Because hearts like ours?
We were never built to surrender.
We break ,  but we don’t stay broken.
We bend , but we don’t bow.
And maybe that’s our blessing and our curse.

And I see God in every part of it.
In every night I laid awake rewinding old pain
like a movie that wouldn’t stop playing.
In every time I begged Him to show up
and He didn’t move like I wanted ,
but He moved anyway, behind the scenes,
in the way I kept standing up when I shouldn’t have,
in the way I loved past the bitterness,
in the way He put the right people in my path
when my walls fell.

I’m tired of pretending my softness is my downfall.
It’s the reason I’m still here.
It’s why I’m still human.
It’s why, even when I sleep,
I carry every piece under my pillow ,
the secrets, the prayers, the hurt I swallow for the sake of peace.
But I’m not ashamed of it anymore.
This heart ain’t weak ,
it’s just real.
It’s just me.

So here’s my vow:
I’ll feel it , even when it burns.
I’ll let myself crack , even when it’s ugly.
I’ll keep standing , even when it’s not fair.
I’ll stay soft , because softness is a rebellion
in a world that wants me cold.
I’ll stay loyal , because it’s in my blood.
I’ll stay believing ,  because God’s still working,
even when the door slams, even when the tears dry on my pillow.

I want more for him.
I want more for me.
And I know it’s coming
because I’ve survived too much
to doubt it now.
I’m done hiding my breaking.
I’m done pretending I’m unshakeable.
I am breakable.
I am bent.
I am tired.
I am loyal.
I am loved.
I am still here
and I’m still not bowing.

Long overdue
but I’m here now.
Heart open.
Eyes clear.
Hands steady.
I hold the storms.
I hold the secrets.
I hold me
and that’s enough.

I was born from broken pieces,
Tripped by shadows of the past,
A little girl with silent wishes
For a love that wouldn’t pass.

Abandoned in the echoes,
Left to patch what others tore,
I dreamed of arms that held me
Of a mother who’d love me more.

But pain became my promise,
Wounds turned into a vow
That I would be the mother
I was always aching for somehow.

Now look,
six shining faces,
Five fierce girls, bright and strong,
And one sweet boy whose heartbeat
Stays where I belong.

They don’t know the war I’ve walked through,
The storms that shaped my spine
But every kiss, each glance in their eyes ,
Says, “You’ll never be alone, not mine.”

I mother the child still in me
With every hug I give away,
For the little girl who still needed
What I give them every day.

I wear the name Super Momma
Like a crown and battle scar
Because I became the hero
I once wished for from afar.

In dusk-lit fields where shadows lean,
The sunflowers bow, a sullen scene
Their golden heads in somber trance,
Charmed by the storm’s relentless dance.

They wear the rain like cloaks of night,
A lover’s touch both fierce and slight.
They ache beneath the tempest’s breath,
Bound to a beauty carved by death.

Roots entangled, darkly tied,
They crave the storm yet long to hide.
Bending close yet standing tall,
Bruised by the rain but enthralled by the fall.

When morning breaks, they tilt toward dawn,
But hold the night in petals drawn.
They shine by scars no sun can see
A love that’s forged in agony.

I sit still, but I’m sinking fast,
thoughts race wild, tied to the past.
My chest is tight, my breath feels thin,
the weight of everything crawling in.

I try to reach, but air won’t come
just silence louder than a gun.
And all these questions haunt my head:
"Am I enough?" or better off dead?

Why do they leave, why don’t they stay?
Why does love always walk away?
B said forever, swore he’d fight
but now it’s just me in this endless night.

He was my breath of fresh, my peace,
now I’m choking on what he released.
The one I called home ain’t even near
just echoes of love I can’t hear clear.

And Andres? He plays with fire and lies,
still tryna twist truth, still wearin' disguise.
Three little girls caught in his storm,
while I’m tryna keep their spirits warm.

Lilli, Julie, and Hailey. my world,
my baby girls, my diamonds, my pearls.
And Scarlett, Serenity, and little Jo,
they need their momma more than they know.

But I’m stuck in courts, stuck in pain,
while these men play games that drive me insane.
My arms are empty, my heart’s not whole

God, how much more before you console?

I miss B, I miss peace, I miss being seen,
now I'm just stuck in someone else's dream.
I’m not the villain, I’ve just been tried
by love, by loss, by all that’s died.

And still I rise, though barely so
still fighting battles nobody knows.
If they could see the truth I bear,
they’d know this broken girl still dares

To be a mother, to stand through shame,
to hold her story without the blame.
To scream in silence, to drown in prayer,
and still believe… love’s somewhere there.

Fire in her chest, rage in her throat,
Heart torn open, still she wrote
Not love songs, no, but war cries in rhythm,
Every scar a sermon, every tear a prism.

**** love, she screamed, and meant it deep,
Not outta hate, but 'cause love made her bleed.
Still, she stood up
broken, raw,
And taught what real love really saw.

He left her cold, with silence and lies,
She burned alone under empty skies.
But she never let that poison stay
She turned her grief into ******* grace.

She was the lesson, the proof, the truth,
She was the one choosing to teach how real love moves.
Not the kind that ghosts, or uses, or breaks,
But the kind that stays, even when it aches.

Rage kissed her lips, pain carved her name,
But still she loved with no shame.
Not for them, but for the girl inside
Who deserved a love that never hides.

So **** what hurt her
She chose to heal.
To hold the blade
But love for real.

This just in
She’s a chain breaker,
not a peace faker,
don’t come to her crying if you ain’t ready
to level up greater.

She’ll hold a man accountable,
not because she’s cold,
but because she knows love
ain’t real if it folds.

She got knocked down
plenty.
But never stayed too low,
'cause every fall taught her
where not to go.

She’s the voice in the silence,
the calm in the blow,
and if life don’t make sense today
she still knows it’s gonna grow.

Don’t mistake her hurt for weakness,
or her silence for defeat,
she’s the one who smiles through fire
and still lands on her feet.

For every other day
comes a bigger reason,
she’s not just surviving
she’s shifting seasons.

So if you sad,
but stuck in the same mess
she ain’t gonna sugarcoat it,
she’ll tell you:
“It’s ‘cause you ain’t done the work yet.”

She’s a mother, a warrior,
a truth teller, a flame
and she never lets her pain
go unloved or unnamed.

This just in
She’s her.
And if you ever doubted,
she’s already outgrown
everything you lied about