My thoughts crash like waves.
Waves crashing against the sharpest, jagged rocks.
Jagged rocks underneath a seemingly neverending cliff.
The same cliff I have envisioned myself lunging off of countless times.
In this way I crash, hoping to never find myself again.

I miss the magic of feeling alive.
When I was not here to just survive.
Under my skin, my blood was thrumming.
I could do anything, everything was of my imagining.
With adulthood came the realization that I was a contrived being.
I was never really seeing.

Grief is so much like the waves of an ocean.
At first, the water gently lapped against my ankles.
I stood there, not realizing rogue waves were incoming.
These days, I feel myself crumbling against the strength of the waves.
So completely weak.
I can feel myself drowning underneath the weight of it all.
Grief has become my ocean.
For ***** sake I told you to take care of yourself.
Where are you now?