I should be happy,
I should be flying,
Instead I fall in a rain of tears.

I've come to learn,
That there is a fine line,
Between Hate & Love.

I don't know what's broken anymore,
I don't know what has been fixed,
Or what still needs to be mended,
I am unaware of what is left,
To make better.

I don't know what's healed here,
I don't know what is still bleeding,
Or what has been cut open again,
I am oblivious to the change,
That has happened.

I don't care if the nations know my name,
I don't want textbooks filled with my fame,
I just want to live my life wild and free,
And to feel your heartbeat next to me.

In this storm I can't seem to see you,
I can't feel your presence,
Only cold rain and clouds,
I can see the breath of ghosts,
Maybe that's what you've become....

Time is running out,
The sun is going down,
I tell you I love you,
But is it too late now?

Is it possible,
For these golden rays,
To mend that which has been broken,
And forgive my foolish ways?

Since when could you see past my disguise?
Since when did you realize my smile was fake?
How did you notice I his behind my laughter?
How could you tell my happiness was my hiding?
What am I supposed to hide behind now?

For once I was happy,
And so I burned it.

The hardest part,
Is that everyday I am reminded,
Of everything I threw away.

I still love you...

Let me kiss your scars,
Let me make them better,
Let me love away the pain,
Let me hold you together,
I don't care if it breaks me anymore,
All I want is for you to be okay.

I thought I let it go,
But it still clings to me,

I thought it was gone,
But it keeps reappearing,

I thought I could breathe,
But the wave crashes over,

I thought I could fly,
But the wind knocked me down,

I thought,
But I thought wrong.

My eye lids start to close,
And I can see you,
In front of me,
All I want is for you,
To hold me close,
To dissapear in you,
I am so tired,
Of being strong,
Of pretending I'm okay,
I want to let go,
Let it all out,
I want you here beside me,
Urging me on,
But you're so far away,
I pushed you out,
I want to sleep at night,
I want to be alone,
I want to be together,
I want to understand,
These conflicting emotions.

Please wait for me,
I'm trying to catch up,
Trying to regain my breath,
I will stand beside you eventually,
Please wait for that day,
Please don't go on,
I want to make it to you,
I want to meet you,
I am doing my best to make it,
Plase don't forget about me,
Please don't walk too quickly,
I've fallen,
Please, please wait,
I'll make it eventually,
I hope with all my heart you'll be waiting.

The judge and the lawyer,
They are both me,
I defend myself,
As I condemn myself,
I am witness,
I am the murderer,
I am the defender,
I am the guilty,
Death penalty,
Or walking free,
The decison is,
Completely up to me.

U gly
N uisance
W orthless
A shamed
N o one
T ired
E mpty
D istant

I feel so detached,
So empty,
So lonely,
I feel so alone,
So tired,
So broken,
I feel such lethargy,
Such pain,
Such worthlessness,
I want to die,
To be alone,
To fade away,
I'm sorry for lying,
For hurting,
For being a horrible friend.

They say "Think of something that keeps you going."
"Think of someone you love who you can live for."
"Hold on to something you love."
But, I have nothing. And that just reminds me more,
Of why I want to **** myself.

The yelling, screaming, shouting,
In my head,
I can't focus on anything,
I have to remind myself to breathe,
I have to convince myself to breathe,
I have to tell myself I want to go on,
But it all depends on me,
It's all up to me,
No one else can save me,
No one else can lift me from this vacuum,
But how can you save someone you hate?

One way ticket, please,
        Where to?
Far far away, please,
        How will you pay?
I'll give you my blood, my life,
        Ha! And what is that worth?
nothing...
        Fine. Give me your happiness. Your hope.
But... I need those...
        No you don't. Just give them to me.
Maybe I should stay...
       No! You need to leave! Give them to me!!
Okay... But...
       Well now that those are taken care of, you may go.
No. I want them back. I don't want to leave.
        Too late. Leave. You payed, you might as well go.
No. I don't want to leave. I want to stay. I want to live!

I miss you,
The thrill of your love,
The patience in your voice,
The pureness in your tears,
The hope in our hands together,
The kindness in your eyes,
The broken love in your soul.

Letting you go,
Was like ripping out,
A piece of myself,
And then watching,
As I bled to death,
Wishing it was still there,
But knowing it could never be.

So where's my fairy tale ending?
Where's my happily ever after?
Where is the meant to be?
Where is my perfect princess moment?
Where is it?

Why not let go?
What's the point in going on?
It's not like anyone cares,
And they won't once I'm gone either.

YOU DON'T GET IT!!!
I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOU!!!
I DIDN'T WANT TO BREAK YOUR TRUST!!
I DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN YOUR LIFE!
HOW DID I DO ALL THAT SIMPLY BY FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU?
I'M SORRY THAT I COULDN'T BE THE ONLY THING KEEPING YOU ALIVE!
I'M SORRY I COULDN'T GO ON BEING WHAT YOU NEEDED WHILE IT KILLED ME!
I STILL LOVE YOU!
BUT I DECIDED IT WAS BEST TO LET GO!

was i wrong...

You never could see,
The tears that I cried,
You never saw me,
And how much it hurt,

You just assumed,
I was the one hurting you,
Did it ever occur to you,
That maybe it hurt me too,

Maybe I was still in love,
Maybe I just couldn't breathe anymore,
Maybe I'm just really sorry,
That I wasn't good enough,

Why can't you realize,
I'm breaking at the edges,
Why can't you realize,
I am dying,

I'm holding on for you,
Holding on to what little I have,
Because all I have is my blood pumping,
And if that stopped so would you,

I know I killed you,
I know it's my fault,
But I am bleeding to death,
And so are you,

It was always my fault,
Because somehow you loved,
The monster that is me,
And you gave me everything,

Of course being the monster I am,
I killed you and your heart,
I broke you on accident,
I swear I never meant to hurt you,



I am so in love with you,
And I am so sorry,
Because when I'm with you I'm suffocating,
But alone I am drowning.

She wipes the tears before you see them,
You assume nothing could be wrong,
How can you not notice that on the otherside of your wall,
One little girl is giving up.

Don't tell me it's all gonna be fine,
Don't say everything will work out,
Because I cry myself to sleep every night,
hoping I won't wake up,
So don't tell me it's okay,
Because it's ******* not.

You think you're the wounded one,
But trust me,
She's laying broken and crying too,
Even though,
She should be the one asleep at night.

Try, try, try again,
Try as hard as you can,
But eventually,
It is just too much,

You have just got to,
Let go of it all,
So that you,
Can breathe again.

How can I breathe without any lungs,
How can I sing without a voice,
How can I walk with broken legs,
How can I see with blinded eyes,
How can I scream without any sound,
How can I write without any words,
How can I live without any life,
How can I love with these shattered pieces?

Because that's what it's like, loving you.

You broke my heart,
By thinking you could fix it,
But guess what,
You never could and never can,
So instead I fixed the holes,
In your bleeding heart,
With the pieces from my shattered one,
It didn't fit perfectly, of course,
But it helped stop the bleeding,
The only problem was,
The fixes were supposed to be temporary,
I need the pieces back,
You may not keep them,
Or I will bleed to death.

Why does it come back,
All of a sudden,
For a moment,
Everything appears to be fine,
And then,
Like a crashing wave,
It pours over me,
Over you,
Over all of us,
And I long for,
The shelter of that moment,
Already passed,
And I wish,
I had enjoyed it more.

I just want to let go,
WHY CAN'T I JUST GO?!?!
i can't do that to them...
that's why...
Why did this ever have to happen?
Why can't I just dissapear and leave nothing behind,
Not to be missed,
Not to be remembered,
Just to vanish,
No evidence that I ever existed.

Don't,
please...
Just please don't.

Lethargy,
Seeps into my bones,
A cold chill,
Covering everything I know,
I can't concentrate,
My mind refuses to operate,
I'm so tired,
But my thoughts won't let me sleep at night,

And I am here,
Huddling in the dark corner,
Sobbing; trying to find my way.

It won't leave me alone,
That nagging voice,
We all know the story,
One day she's here,
The next day she's gone,
But why does she have to be me?

I don't even fit in,
With the people I love,
anymore,

I am an outsider,
With my family,
my friends,

No longer a part,
Of what this world,
requires,

I do not know what,
To say, to do, or even,
How to act,

I am the outsider,
In a land full of,
Insiders.

Why do I have to hide,
If you say you love me?
Shouldn't you be the one I trust,
With the hurting inside?
No, I love you too much,
To let you see my pain,
I could never tell you,
Never let you see the ugly me,
If I told you I would drown you,
In my blood, in my tears,
So instead I stay quiet,
And let it build up and suffocate me,
Because I could never hurt you,
With the beast who is me.

Am I still human,
If I can not feel,

Am I still human,
If I can't get out of bed in the mornings,

Am I still human,
If I have lost my ability to trust,

Am I still human,
If I can no longer love,

Am I?

It would be so easy,
So simple,
No one would notice,
Until it was too late,
So what's stopping me...

Oh child,
Your eyes have bled tears,
Your hair is unkept,
You should get up,
You ought to go make something of your life,
Why are you just sitting here crying,
Don't look at me like that,
Don't look at me with such hate,
I see pain in your eyes,
Brush away those tears,
Take a deep breath, child,
You are still young,
There are years ahead of you,
Put away that knife,
Hold on just a little longer.

After a while,
The motions become robotic,
The smile naturally puts itself on,
The words slip off,
My lying tongue,
As if they were the truth.

I feel like I am trapped,
Inside my head,
As if I'm watching everything,
That happens,
But have absolutely no,
Control over any of it,
The lies just keep coming,
The smiles just keep flashing,
And no sees through it,

Help me please,
I am prisoner in my own body,
I'm trying to signal to you,
Trying to show you how broken 
I am,
I wave to you with my eyes,
But you see nothing,
You don't hear the cry for help 
Hidden within my words,
Please help me escape,
From the prison of myself.