5 minutes. I see you and after only 5 minutes, I think that I am in love. I watch you from across the room and well- you might be my doom.
10 minutes. I sit here watching you talk. Your laugh is like music to my sore years and your eyes are like the contacts to my blind eyes.
20 minutes. Okay I think I might be crazy. I have been sitting here for 20 minutes just watching. I watch your hands, I watch your mouth, and honestly I have absolutely nothing to complain about.
45 minutes. I could sit here for hours, just watching you read. You ordered your coffee and I am afraid you will leave. Next thing I know, you are walking over to me. “Hello Stranger”.
80 minutes. We have been talking for a while. My stalking caught you off guard. Now you see- I am not a creep. Just a guy, afraid to say hello. I know your favorite band, and the ice cream that you eat when you are sad. It is not your favorite. It is just there.
120 minutes. I can't help but stare. You say that you don't mind. There is this fire in your eyes that I cannot explain. You have been talking about a theory for 30 minutes now. The topic doesn’t interest me that much but your passion is enough to keep me invested.
180 minutes. And then you were gone. One moment you were there, the next you were gone. It stung. I thought I could stare forever. I thought we had forever.

6 months is a long time.
A long time to be "just friends" with a hint of something else.
I love the time well spent.
I hate when I overthink.
When I go over every little thing you once said, pick apart the true and false.
try to tell if you meant those sweet little nothings.
Prove to me that you did.
Prove you didn't lie.
Please.
Please
please-
pleas-
I plead.
I plead with you to end this retched game.
I plead you to tell me. tell me how you really feel.
I am begging.
My knees start to bleed.
Bruised with my perilous plead,
I am sick. I am sick of playing pretend.
I am sick of saying that "everything is fine"
I play jump rope in between the line.
The line between fine and lie.
My feelings are undefined.
every changing. forever unrefined.
please.
6 months is a long time to lie.
a long time to repeat the same measly words
"what's on your mind"
"wyd?"
"how are you feeling?"
over and over.
I need truth.
actual answers.
I am begging.
the harsh ground digs into my palms as I lean over my thighs.
head to the floor as my tears soak the space underneath them.

I learned that you are poly on Friday
I learned that I will never be enough
I know that it is not your fault, I could never blame you.
It just hurts that I am not enough.
I now understand why you didn't want to make me "yours"
I get why you hated serious conversations.
I now know why you always seemed so busy.
I told you it is fine, but I can't help think about what could have been.
I know that we weren't even official, but I cried when you told me.
I feel horrible for lying, for saying that it was no problem at all.
I don't want you to feel guilty, for something that you can't even control.
I don't want you to think you hurt me, not at all.
Cause I am in love with you, but it hurts. just a little.
If you ask though, I am okay.
I haven't imagined a future we couldn't have.
I haven't cried myself asleep to the thought that you could leave.
I am not enough. And I guess... That is okay.

I know I have to trust you,
I am just not so sure that I can.
Trust you or trust the one who cannot lie?
Trust you or my gut?
I know trust is the backbone of a relationship.
The rope that ties our hearts together is pulling thin.
The strands are made of vulnerability,
the trust and love that we put in.
I should have faith in you.
I should have no uncertainty,
no doubt you would never lie to me.
The fire of doubt- I must put it out.
I need to trust you.
Believe me, I want to.
But who do I believe, when the time has run out?

Blue, the color of the ocean, mirrors the tears that streamed down my face when you said goodbye. It's the hue of the lies I told, the hidden pain that the world never saw, the ache in my heart when you expressed hatred—a sentiment I feared was true. Two years have passed, yet I'm trapped in a cycle of remembrance and regret, unable to escape the shadow of our past.

The details of our shared life—your number, your address, the places we cried—are etched in my memory. We could have avoided this heartache with the truth, but I was too immature to realize what we could have been. Your face haunts my dreams, your voice still echoes, and I'm left questioning why we lied, why I claimed to hate you. I gave you love, but it wasn't reciprocated, and that's fine. Yet, I'm burdened with the question: why didn't I just tell the truth?

I penned a final letter, a farewell, believing it would be the end. But I can't call you, even though I remember your number, because you've moved on. It seems I'm alone in this lingering pain, seeking closure I'll never find. So, I'll try to move on, to pretend, to forget this poem I never wrote. People may think me mad for clinging to this juvenile love, but despite the hatred that now mingles with my affection, I can't help it—I still love you.

It's mid-November
It's insane how much has changed.
From never talking, to talking every single day.
I didn't realize that I could be so attached to one person.
I feel like you are infused into my blood.
You fill my veins, without you-
I fear my heart would stop.
Seeing your goodmorning test is what gets me up.
I don't even mind our late night talks keeping me awake.
You are worth every minute of everyday. It pains me to be kept away.
You deserve more love than I can give.
I would let the shards of your glasses shred my limbs
Pour blood into a vile to leave on your alter.
Use my hair as a rope to tie me to you, so that you can never leave.
Use my tears to cook for you, so you are never hungry again.
Use my skin as carpet and place my bones of the foundation of the place that holds what I feel for you.
Love can't even begin to describe it.
No container could contain just what I feel for you.
Letters and poems fill my notebooks, write until my fingers fall from my hands.
One-By-One. Use them as fuel for a fire to keep you warm.
Pick my nails until they bleed.
My blood, all for you.
More and more unhinged describes well enough how my heart burns for you.

Is this casual?
Our long night talks and endless flirtations.
Talks about our future like we had a clue
Watching movies on a call, wouldn't do it without you
Is this serious?
Potential for love?
talks about nothing, for hours on end
I'm your darling your my beloved,
a helpless match.
No one makes me angry like you
passion in my eyes as I tell you that I love you.
I don't think you feel the same.
tell me that I am wrong.

I don't think I deserve you.
that is my honest truth.
what we have, it is more than I ever bargained for
I am not complaining. I just don't know what to do.
I ******* in love with you.

I don't like anyone, especially you.
Some till up up in the clouds, next to you.
My eyes avert you, down on my knees
Drink till I ache, ditsy-stole
knock on the red door
I don't even like you,
against the wall
I kiss you until our lips are bruised
No-"take a shot"
"Just one more"
Isn't that what you came here for?
I see a face in the window
Stranger in the mirror
it is just a cig
drunk dance on the roof-
with you.
I thought I didn't like you
you're on my
your body sinks around mine:
places it doesn't belong.
I wish I didn't like it.
I wish it wasn't you.

You are worth more to me than your weight in gold.

It is like every "flaw" that you see in yourself is actually just another reason that I feel the way I do about you

The most prominent art in the world could not compare to that of your smile and I feel extremely lucky every day to have you in my life.

I don't think I could go a day without your good morning texts. You are ingrained into me in a way my best friend would scold me for

******* hell you are my favorite person that this world has to offer

I am grateful everyday to have you in my life and your perfection outshines that of all the stars in the sky

If eyes are the window to the soul, it makes since that yours are as beautiful as they are. Your eyes are like the ocean, not to be confused with the bright blue hue of the one in cartoons. Your eyes remind me of the color of the Pacific, carrying life and the intensity of the crushing waves. If eyes are truly the window to the soul then I know yours is one of a kind.

Hello.
Don't
Be
Afraid.
It
Will
Be
okay.
I know this for a fact.
My
logic
is
a
little
bit
cracked.
I
Promise.
I won't leave you.
No side of you could push me away.
No truth.
No fact.
You
Are
Stuck
With
Me.
unless you push me away

I saved you as my lock screen.
I know you would cringe if you knew.
I just wanted, every time I opened my phone- to be reminded of you.
My 2 addictions, now combined.
Maybe the boomers were right: it might be those "**** phones"
I only ever seem to cry when my eyes lock on the screen.
Like when you threatened to leave.
Words cannot describe how afraid I was,
You bring out a different part of me, a part that I can not believe.
I was mad. More anger flowed from me than words on the screen.
You have done no wrong.
All tears I have split have been a fault of my own.
I broke down at 4am. I thought that I would lose you.
my eyes blinded by the light- brighter in the night.
those ****** phones.

Why oh why do I do this to myself?
I cry I cry but I have only myself to blame,
Who will fan the flames of the attachment I carry when I lose hope?
Nope oh nope. Not this time.
I say that line but it is a lie
I get obsessed for months it is like a cycle
I combust
Flowers, cards, holding hands,
Do I appear desperate?
Like sand in between my hands when i stand' we fall out
I get obsessed and then I call out
I don’t want to scare you off
And when I ask if I annoy you, you just scoff
I self sabotage everything good
And that really hurts because you are the best
There is no use explaining the rest.
It is the self sabotage cycle,
Ask all my exes
In the beginning I could have run a mile to find you
Five months later and all I do it dive
I dive away from your clutch and I hide away from your loving touch
I turn you away but at first I used you as a crutch
I couldn't help but leaving even though I love you so very much
I turn off my heart
This is the part where I leave.
I stop being me and I can't help but climb the tallest tree just so I can avoid all the debris I caused.
It is my self sabotage cycle like all things it goes on for miles
No wonder I am all alone
Sticks and rocks may break my bones but it is me who hurts my soul
All this leaving, god it takes a toll
My mental health and self love- well it ceases to exist.
Because now I can’t help but miss,
You.
I don't even recognise the person in the mirror.
I wish I didn’t want to always be near  you
But I can't help myself this is just what I do
God, I wish I didn’t have to love you like I do.
But now I have to go and find somebody new.
And I have only myself to blame.
I just want to end this never ending game
This self sabotaging cycle will make me meet my maker
When I am with you I always feel safer.
Until I don’t.
I am stuck in a place of survival and I don't even notice that I enter my self sabotaging cycle.

"don't worry, he isn't even my type". yeah, it's not like my knees get weak when I see you and my heart races when you are near, my heart definitely doesn't stop beating when you say my name, like how the voices in my head won't stop and honestly I don't think I want them to. I never want to shut you up when you talk **** about yourself with a kiss, and I never write and delete a 3 paragraph confession. But here is a little secret, I do. My knees do get weak, my heart races and stops, I want to shut you up with a kiss, and I definitely write you a 3-page confession you will never know because you love someone else and that is okay. Even though it hurts all I want and all I have ever wanted is for you to be happy.

You may think that your scars are healed, dormit. Well contrary to popular belief they aren't. Scars need constant rejuvenation to stay sealed and keep you from bleeding out. I know this because today my scars opened. The scar you left without another word or another look in my direction. I thought it healed. I heard your ****** name and the stitches I made unfurled. I take out my needle and my thread, and is it pierces my moisturized skin I curse myself for allowing this to happen. I curse your name for breaching my secured mind. The sanity I glued back together shatters at the very sound of your
voice. I thought that I was okay but after all that effort to forget and the red door that holds my memories of you away, away from my consciousness and away from the world, breaks. Like a dam too full or a kidney working to exhaustion. The cut that always bleeds. So ******* and your perfect face. ******* and your soothing voice. ******* and the memories we have. Do I miss you? Would you care? I hate you for what you did and I love you for what you didn't.

I am starting to think that you don't like me.
you my like talking, but you never seem to want to see me.
well, unless you are talking about the ***** things that you want to do.
you didn't seem into me, until we brought up ***.
it's not like it is hard for you to get laid.
did I pressure you, without meaning to?
are you lying because you felt pressured to?
please just tell me the truth.
am I overthinking this?
you seem to trust me.
you seem to care.
I know I am not the center of your affections.
But, what if it has all been a lie?
No- It can't be.
I'm supposed to trust you, right?
how am I supposed to?
3 weeks.
My brother.
Rose.
I am *******. But what if my fears hold no truth?
But,
what if they do?

I tell you that I am falling for you, I know you don't feel the same.
I tell you that it is okay.
You say that I am jumping to false assumptions,
I explain you never told me otherwise.
You say that you cannot

My skin, It doesn’t fit right over my bones
Why, why do I always feel alone?
Even in a crowded room
Or with my friends, they assume I am just quiet.
I used to be loud, now I just hide
I used to look up at the sky in amazement
Now I look up and wonder when the innocence ended.
I thought that when I was older I would be mended
I guess not. Cause here I am today, and nothing at all has changed.
What happened to the pretty flowers and the bright blue skies?
A house cannot be built on sand and a family can't stand on lies.
I guess I was too young but now I know.
The people i thought to be so close
They hold nothing but disdain.
I think i'm starting to feel faint.
I know that i am no saint but growing up well growing up is nothing but pain
It is like a giant stain on my back but the stain is my own blood that soaks the knife that you hold.
It is a story that has yet to be told.
The way you sold my love like an old rusting truck.
God you ****.
Why am I like this? Why was I so trusting?
I let you in, I let you in my home and now you have left me in this house all alone.
I can't make my skin fit over my bones but what i can do is i can throw the stones.
I learned from the best.
Change is the best revenge.

I fell for it.
I fell for the pretty words
I fell for the pretend interest and the untrue wishes
But mixed signals is a system of control and commitment is your fear.
You put on a disguise to hide the part of you that you don't like.
You think that I want to fix you but there isn't anything to fix.
You aren't "broken" or "messed up".
You just didn't like me that much