Why oh why do I do this to myself?
I cry I cry but I have only myself to blame,
Who will fan the flames of the attachment I carry when I lose hope?
Nope oh nope. Not this time.
I say that line but it is a lie
I get obsessed for months it is like a cycle
I combust
Flowers, cards, holding hands,
Do I appear desperate?
Like sand in between my hands when i stand' we fall out
I get obsessed and then I call out
I don’t want to scare you off
And when I ask if I annoy you, you just scoff
I self sabotage everything good
And that really hurts because you are the best
There is no use explaining the rest.
It is the self sabotage cycle,
Ask all my exes
In the beginning I could have run a mile to find you
Five months later and all I do it dive
I dive away from your clutch and I hide away from your loving touch
I turn you away but at first I used you as a crutch
I couldn't help but leaving even though I love you so very much
I turn off my heart
This is the part where I leave.
I stop being me and I can't help but climb the tallest tree just so I can avoid all the debris I caused.
It is my self sabotage cycle like all things it goes on for miles
No wonder I am all alone
Sticks and rocks may break my bones but it is me who hurts my soul
All this leaving, god it takes a toll
My mental health and self love- well it ceases to exist.
Because now I can’t help but miss,
You.
I don't even recognise the person in the mirror.
I wish I didn’t want to always be near  you
But I can't help myself this is just what I do
God, I wish I didn’t have to love you like I do.
But now I have to go and find somebody new.
And I have only myself to blame.
I just want to end this never ending game
This self sabotaging cycle will make me meet my maker
When I am with you I always feel safer.
Until I don’t.
I am stuck in a place of survival and I don't even notice that I enter my self sabotaging cycle.

"don't worry, he isn't even my type". yeah, it's not like my knees get weak when I see you and my heart races when you are near, my heart definitely doesn't stop beating when you say my name, like how the voices in my head won't stop and honestly I don't think I want them to. I never want to shut you up when you talk **** about yourself with a kiss, and I never write and delete a 3 paragraph confession. But here is a little secret, I do. My knees do get weak, my heart races and stops, I want to shut you up with a kiss, and I definitely write you a 3-page confession you will never know because you love someone else and that is okay. Even though it hurts all I want and all I have ever wanted is for you to be happy.