At 10:17 pm last Tuesday night

I fell asleep wondering
how many people also looked at their clocks
at 10:17 pm
and kept the number in their minds
for a moment
and gave it a brief value
received from them by no other time
that day.

There are some days
that the world is not only
too large
but too full
for me

and I not only with I could
but I desperately plead and long to
sit in an empty, sunny
field in Italy
far from the thought of another
human on not only what would then be
my soil, my land
but on Earth itself

and read poetry
because poetry is all that matters
when there is no one else
around.

Tears
are always knocking on the door of
my sweet, sun-filled study
in which I find nothing to do
but make busy-work of
pretending I can see with both eyes.

The knock
is that of a relative,
the kind that startles you
the kind that scares you even though
you know who's there,
you just don't know their temper
you just don't know the
urgency of the situation
and after you remember who's
coming in
your gut tells you to turn off the lights and
say you're asleep.

In this situation
there is always a key under
the door
between the outside and the inside
between the blue and the yellow
a flood lets itself in
and my hands become water
and I wash my face
mixing the inside and the outside
mixing the yellow and the blue
because they're the same anyway.

You jumped in play
I jumped in fear
We stuttered to say
"Why am I here?"
I tried to explain
I wasn't clear
You turned away
I disappeared

Why must the show go on?

Why can't we just fast-forward?
Rewind?
Pause?

I find myself stuck,
waiting,
worrying.

Still, I'm just realizing
that this is how it is
And I'm just supposed to deal with it?
Like a deck of cards!
A set of poker chips!

Tell me.

*why?

¼ of my friends is
Willing to think
Willing to ask
Willing to share
Willing to listen
Willing to initiate
Willing to congratulate

¼ of my friends
Is always there
Always cares
About your mountain to climb
And what you’re going to wear

She’s all you could ask for
she's even more
And she’s 1 out of 4