She was a simple kind of pretty.
Instead of eyeliner,
Dark circles and worry
outlined her eyes.
A good student, they said
but it was never good enough.
She knew she could do better.
There could always be better.
She knew she wasn't good enough.
Things were never good enough for her.
To disappoint the high standards
she forced upon herself
was a crime punishable by death.

I don't really know what I'm doing.
What my purpose is,
Why I'm here,
What I'm good at.
I don't know.

I don't understand why bad things happen.
Why people are killed,
Buildings crumble,
Cancer takes over.
Good people fall apart

I don't understand why such things have happened to me.
They said I was asking for it.
He told me it was out of love.
She said it was my fault.
My lion said there's no controlling it.

Maybe I'm a bad person.
I asked god why? why? why?
And I have recieved no answer.
My sins must have been far too many to forgive.

The words have lost their meaning.
I feel really empty... Numb...
I can't seem to make the words mean anything.
This is all I have.
I need it.

For once, I want to say
why not?
Instead of always asking
why?
I'm sick of this
perpetual fear.
Just let me say
*why not?

I had a nightmare
where I had the wings
of which I'd always dreamed,
But they claimed it broke laws
so they tore my freedom
from my back
and I swear that
I could feel
The tendons stretch and snap
And the delicate bones shatter.
And it was agony
as they ripped my limbs
and stole my freedom.

Why is there so much violence
and hatred towards women?
I've been searching for a reason.
I just don't understand.

What is it that makes us different?
Why should I be violated,
simply because of my gender?
I am a human, just like you.

We have feelings and emotions,
Do you simply see us as toys?
Do you not understand that
we are one and the same?

Were I not a woman?
If I fit your beliefs?
If I bent to your will?
If I abandoned my ambitions?
I will never sway in your
hot air breeze
that you create with your
crumbling lungs of dust and age.

Would it change anything if I did?

I'm fairly sure I don't need a degree
to tell you what's wrong with me.

It's a pretty long list,
I'm pretty messed up, huh?

I don't need to hire a doctor
to tell me I hate myself and why.
I can name each and every reason why.

I don't need a doctor
to tell me I'm traumatized from my past.
My nightmares assure me well enough.

I don't want to talk about it,
I don't want your medicine.
I'm not alright and that's okay.

I don't want to write about
Love and the way you taste,
The gentle way your hands feel
when tangled in the curls of my hair.

I don't want to write about
The rain and the way it smells,
The calming pitter patter
beating against the window.

I don't want to write about
The monsters I know,
The way they haunt me
with their inescapable whispers.

I don't want to write about it.
I can't write about it.

I write like I need to breathe.
Desperate words, desperate measures,
If I don't write, the words tumble out anyway.
The poetry builds up in my blood
and I end up saying poetic things
to the cashier at the grocery store.
Bananas are a sad fruit, so desperate for love...
what? ******.

I write and I write,
all at once, or not at all.
I could write five poems at once,
or sit and stare for ages.

Writing for me,
is my escape.
I write to forget,
I write because I need to.

I never knew how to be happy
But you never knew how to be kind.
Maybe that's why we're both broken now.

Hi
Your voice... It's so nice to hear again.
It almost hurts....
but I've been so numb since you've been gone.

You've reached me
Have I?
I hope you're in heaven.
I never believed in god or an afterlife,
You know that.
but I hope there is now.

I'm out of reach right now
Because you won't be out reach forever,
If you're in heaven.
But heaven knows, I won't see you again.
You're so far gone.

But leave a message
And the closest I can get
is sitting at your tombstone.
Stone is cold and it doesn't warm my heart
like you once did.

and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
I miss you so much,
And I will see you soon.

Your call is important to me.

*beep

Happy Yule,
The winter equinox, you know,
It's the darkest day of year.
And yet I feel the safest,
Drinking hot cocoa,
Away from the terrors of the world

I used to believe that humans
were beautiful creatures,
meant to be admired.
There was a wall
between them and I
I loved them so,
But could never be like them.
Until the day I realized,
That I was the one in the cage,
Kept to be gawked at.
I was the one who
could never be free.