If I spoke louder,
Would you listen?
If I raised my voice,
Would you hear?

I know you only yelled
because you wanted to
make it more clear,
because I couldn't understand
that I was only hurting myself.
But please don't be so loud,
It makes you sound like him.

Silence is so ******* loud
And I cannot stand the
oppression of the voices
Screaming in my mind.
At least when there's sound,
I don't have to listen to
My mind criticizing myself.

soft light through curtains
yellow crumpled duvet
rain pattering on the roof
stretch and breathe
forget the dreams
smell of coffee and toast
Good Morning

He asked me about my scars...
And I could't answer,
filling the silence with
that disgust and fear welling up in my chest.
This would be the end of us.
That's how it always is.
You can fill cracks with gold,
you can paint over the streaks,
but it's not the same
and no one wants a broken girl.
Not even as friends like us.
but he just looked at me and said
You should know that you're perfect
and don't need any of that.
*...And you're feisty.

Bruises take a long time to heal,
They get worse before they get better.
Black and blue,
Here I am, hiding them,
Yet again,
I feel like a criminal
Hiding evidence.
I've done nothing wrong,
Except be me.
I would give anything,
Everything,
To not be me.

I call him a monster
when I write about him.
Because I can't imagine
a person would do what he did.
Make him a story, a monster,
Not a human, he can't be.
He couldn't understand the word no,
Nor the pleading and the tears.
He cannot be a person,
with a family, friends,
who listens to old rock music
and eats take out Chinese food on Saturdays.
He can't be a person,
I don't understand.

Everything I touch
turns to gold.
I can't be the one to hold you
or wipe away your tears.
I long for contact,
To feel the warmth of another.
I want you,
I long for you:
But everything I touch
turns so cold,
And I don't want to be the one
to freeze you.

There are instances where
I will stop loving you.
If you hurt me
and I don't leave,
then I am blind.
Love may be blind,
but it is not unconditional.

I consider myself a mirror.
Look into me and
I shall reflect what
you expect to see.

Everyone despises mirrors
for the truths they echo,
but mirrors are just glass
and they shatter when you hit them.

I never could tell the difference
Between love and lust and hate.
They all combine into
a mess of pain and fear,
But that's all I have known
for love to ever be.
I mistook kindness for caring,
Made some wrong turns,
And found myself in Stockholm.
Because I could never tell the difference
Between love and lust and hate.

I still wish for happiness
every time, I wish.
Despite it all,
Despite the childishness,
I still wish for happiness.

The little lady will do anything for you.
Kiss her hand,
Watch her melt at your every word.

You know how desperate she is for your acceptance.
Act like a gentleman,
Your intentions are anything but.

Royalty faces no consequences, after all.

I hope you smile with all the light of the sun.
I hope you want to be all the wildest things when you grow up.
I hope your eyes reflect the night sky.
I hope you never find yourself broken.
I hope when some one asks you what you love,
The first thing you will say is yourself.
That is important. I want you to love yourself.
I hope you're happy with who you are.
I hope you dream big and achieve what others thought was impossible.
Most of all, I hope you are happy, whoever you turn out to be.
My dear future child, always know, that I will love you, no matter what.

Would you compose a requiem for me?
It's clear that my soul is dead and gone.
For my spirit, repose and tranquility.
Do not spurn the dead, for my body remains.
Vengeance, I foresee.
What you did will not be forgiven.

His smile had such a gentle glow,
His eyes shined so softly when he laughed.
Gentle, his touch was a feather,
and he never touched me without asking,
Not even my shoulder or hand.
He understood me, my fears, my pain.
He was my pearl, a beauty in this gritty world.
He's gone and left me
and I don't know what to do.
My pearl has lost it's luster,
The life and the glow faded from him.
It's not too late.
He brought pulled me back from the precipice,
I will bring back his shine.

Someday, you'll give everything you have
and more to something or someone.
You'll care so much, and nothing seems
to come from your hard work and effort.

It's draining and you'll be exhausted.
One day you'll say to yourself,
I care too much. I'm done caring.
You'll shut away your hope and give up faith.

In the end, you'll be nothing but cold.

Sometimes,
lots of times,
I look back.

I fear I will turn to salt
like the taste of tears
reaching your lips.

I can't help it,
to turn back and look
it's human nature.

What do I look back at?

the good times
the bad times
lots of times

I'm different now
not bad not good not (yet) salt
just different.

I can see the shadows.
No, not your shadow,
The shadows.
The ones that crawl up your spine,
leaving little bruises along your back.
The ones that wrap themselves around your mind
and whisper horrible things in your head.
Their tendrils reach out,
looking desperately for others,
wrap their inky, dangerous selves around your friends,
because when they consume you,
they'll need a new host.

I miss you.
Still.
I keep writing about
how I much miss you
But it doesn't make it better.
I'm still counting the days.
I miss the way your thumb
rubbed across the back of my hand.
I miss your eyes, the way they sparkled.
I miss the way you never yelled,
except that one time when
I stood on the edge of the world.
You promised me forever,
And I promised you always.
I miss your dumb jokes.
I miss your bad cooking,
The way you tried so hard to make cookies,
And apologized when you burnt them.
I miss you little mutters at night,
When you thought I was sleeping.
I miss you,
After all this time,
I will always miss you.

If I come off as cold and aloof,
Please don't think that I believe
that I am special,
Perhaps better than the rest.
That is far from truth.
I am only distant.
Because seeing life from a distance
Makes it hurt just a little less.

He has the most blue eyes I have ever seen.
I will not compare them to oceans, or the sky.
They are blue, like sadness,
Or ice, the sweet kind that you eat in the summer.
I don't usually look him in the eyes.
I'm afraid of him, understand.
But when I do, his eyes never match his words.
His eyes belong to someone who is sad like me.
They belong to him, though, and his words are sharp
and his voice threatening, but his eyes,
They leave me confused.

She was the kind of girl
who breathed life in her kiss
and lit a fire in my spine.
She gambled with death
and won my life.
I'm a bit afraid of her,
But now I can never die
for her grip on my soul is too tight.

Will you hide from the sun?
Or shall you bask in
Its golden rays and
Warming light.
The sun touches all,
Reaches all,
Sees all.
You cannot hide from the sun,
But you can try.

Sometimes,
I don't feel much.
Cold and emotionless,
Unsympathetic.

But other times,
I feel every last drop of emotion.
Like my body is on fire,
Too much.

Everything is so frightening.
Tip the scales...
and let me
*balance

I cannot remember
the last time
Somebody
            Made
                    Me
                       laugh.

I could tell by the way
that she ran her hands
across her own skin
that she hated herself.

The way she stared
sadly into the empty space
That girl would never
love herself enough.

But she never gave herself
time to learn how to love.
Dead by her eighteenth birthday,
no one ever claimed her.

Whether it was the drugs
and alcohol and sickness
or her own hatred that killed her,
I will never know.

I keep my beautiful memories
encased in clear glass jars.
They glow so warmly,
Isn't it lovely to look at the past?
We can look, but we can't touch.
I can only hope the museum
doesn't catch fire in the night.

Are you an empty soul,
or just empty inside?

You cannot simply act,
you must think.
You can try to pretend
that time will wait for you,
Or that your actions don't matter,
But it will do you no good.
Every action has a consequence.
You must face the reality of your choices
You cannot just sleep through life,
You cannot just dance across the surface
amd hope to slide by without notice.
One day, it will have to stop.

Demons are beautiful...
They've fallen from heaven.
Enchanting
Seductive.
It's hard to say no
Not to sin
Lust
Hatred
Anger
Glouttony
Pride
Greed.
Why would you say  no?
You could have all you ever wanted with a simple word.
Just say  **yes.

I'm coming for you
Ten.
Quickening breath.
Nine.
Racing heart
Eight.
Creaky floor.
You can't hide, little lady
Seven.
Quiet whimper.
Six.
Silent gulp.
I like these games, my pretty
Five.
Shadowy figures.
Four.
Hear the whispers.
The thing is, I always win.
Three.
Closed eyes.
Two.
Heart in throat.
Found you.*
One.
Blood curdling scream.

When I came to you,
You were but a child.
Innocent, almost,
Your innocence was fading.
But before it could leave quietly,
It would be ripped away from you.
And I would take it's place.
My gentle touch, the whispers in your mind.
I never hurt, that was yourself.
I'm just a guest in your mind,
But I'm not leaving.
I encourage you,
But you can not blame me
For the scars you made, my dear.
Silly kid, you did that to yourself.

Who would have though that
we could hate ourselves this much?

Red scars stand out vividly against pale skin,
protruding bones jut out from your smooth body,
the bitter smell of alcohol on your breath,
and acrid cigarette smoke pouring your delicate nose.

This self loathing,
this self hatred,
this anger that we can't be perfect,
gives us an excuse to destroy ourselves.

Do you remember laying in the grass,
staring up at the sky, chasing the clouds,
Daydreaming about growing up?
I always wanted to change the world,
Do something amazing,
Make an impact,
Leave a legacy.
The sky was not even the limit,
We could go to mars if we so wanted.
These childish fantasies,
I wish I could have them back.
I would give anything for the innocence
I once had before I was so disillusioned by the world.

No matter how many times
you wash your hands,
They'll always be *****
with the blood of the innocent.
It's all about power,
You like control.
Vultures like you,
Picking on the weak.
Hit me when I'm already bleeding.
I know you take joy
in watching people break.

Hello, friends,
It seems there are two hundred of you.
How terrifying.
I like you all very much,
but I hope you don't
expect much from me.
Thank you for all your support,
Poetry was meant to be shared.
~love,
Liz and Lilacs

Sell your soul and change your life
You won't miss it all that  much.
You won't be here in the morning.
Just think of it-
riches, love, knowledge, power.
Anything you could ever want.
You'll barely notice it's gone and
I know, I know you'll be content.

They say you're not alone.
I'm not alone
...but I'm alone.
I know what they say.
I know I'm supposed to believe them.
I'm not alone
...but why do I feel so alone?

Have you slept?
(No)
but I dreamed of you.
     It wasn't really a dream
it was a nightmare.
              Have you slept?
(No)
    Then it wasn't a dream.
Was it a nightmare?
     Are you afraid of me?
(Yes)
            *    It was a nightmare.