If I stopped posting poems,
You'd never know what happened.
Maybe I forgot my password,
Maybe I learned to be happy
And forgot how to be a poet.
Maybe I finally did something right.
Maybe I gave up.
You would never know.
I'm not sure it would matter.

I've always loved Alice in Wonderland
When I was little,
I thought it would be a grand adventure.
Even now, I'd like to fall down that rabbit hole
And never look back.
If a cat can grin that big,
They must have a secret.
The secret of happiness.

If I told you I was happy, would you believe me?
I mean, I smiled, didn't I?
But you didn't see the scars
Or the bruises...
The red, tear stained eyes
The ****** torn cuticles
The anxiety attacks
You didn't hear the thoughts
screaming in my head.
You didn't see the poetry,
Or the sadness etched in my soul.
But you believe me, right?
I'm happy.
Believe me.

You can't breathe.
Gasping for air.
The panic as your lungs  fill with water.
You'd never think  water could burn so much.
The cacophony of your mind, screaming at you.
The disbelief that you are drowning.
The mind and body do not know how to die gracefully
The very process of drowning makes it harder and harder
Not to drown.