I picked the skin off my lips when they weren't looking,
so maybe I could forget your touch.

the other day,
i saw another teenager.
His lips were blue,
and his skin was pale.
Scars peeked out from under his sleeve.
It was like looking in a mirror.
But what could I say?
I  know from experience that words can't make it better.
A split second, our eyes locked.
But I turned away,
and walked out the door.

Most girls who get bullied,
are bullied by other girls.
It's a harsh kind of thing,
The words and the looks,
And when they ignore you.
They pull your hair and take your things.
They might even hit you.

The one who bullies me,
is a guy, so much bigger than me.
Intimidating and he knows it.
He plays with my mind,
Shoving me against lockers
like he's going to hurt me
But he walks away.

I'm left to make sense of his words,
And stop the shaking,
Sometimes, I wish he would hit me,
At least then, I would know what he's doing.
I don't know what he wants,
But he says some frightening things,
I'm afraid he might make good on his promises.

His laugh broke the silence.
I stared at the ground, closing my locker.
Looking up, he looks down at me.
His smirk darkens as I shrink away.
"Just leave me alone, please?"
The whisper falls from my tongue,
but I know he hears.
Another cruel laugh,
suddenly, i'm pinned against the lockers.
and he's talking low.
"Not in a million years."
He walks away,
leaving me with my fear.

Si vis pacem, para bellum - Vegetius
"If you want peace, prepare for the war."

I have been at war for a lifetime.
At war with myself,
At war with the world.

I am tired of fighting,
Exhausted by this agonizing war.
Please let it end.

*I just want to be at peace.

Do you remember laying in the grass,
staring up at the sky, chasing the clouds,
Daydreaming about growing up?
I always wanted to change the world,
Do something amazing,
Make an impact,
Leave a legacy.
The sky was not even the limit,
We could go to mars if we so wanted.
These childish fantasies,
I wish I could have them back.
I would give anything for the innocence
I once had before I was so disillusioned by the world.