She whispers in my ear;
her laughter echoes coldly in my mind.
Skeletal, beautiful.
I want to be her.
I can never be her.
She slinks around,
winning all the attention.
I hate her.
I hate me.
She has driven me to this.
She is self hatred.

Demons are beautiful...
They've fallen from heaven.
Enchanting
Seductive.
It's hard to say no
Not to sin
Lust
Hatred
Anger
Glouttony
Pride
Greed.
Why would you say  no?
You could have all you ever wanted with a simple word.
Just say  **yes.

How do you sleep,
    
*      With the beastly things you've done?

I haven't slept in quite a few days.
A week maybe.
The occasional hour of nightmare ridden rest
has not done anything for me.

I've starting forgetting words,
Mixing them up or saying the wrong word.
Even mispronouncing them.
I barely have the energy to think

I spent an hour crying because I thought I had wrinkles under my eyes,
But they were only bags and shadows.
I'm too young for this.

It's hard to focus,
I sob and laugh for no reason.
I'm cracking
And I can't stop thinking about what you did.
I'm afraid to sleep.

I bite my nails
when I'm nervous
but I took what I had
and painted them red
to match my blood.

They say red is a sensual color
They say it is ****.
But all I see in red
Is blood and drowned hopes and pain,
But maybe pain is ****.
It's oh so beautiful for the sadist to watch me fall apart.

I don't believe in Heaven,
but hell is for sure.
I've looked a demon in the eyes,
and spent a life time in hell.
A sweet facade,
a happy exterior.
But I cannot hide the haunted eyes.
I cannot hide the brokenness
left from a dance with the devil.