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Jul 2022 · 146
Our Flowers
Livia Rose Jul 2022
I stumbled.
And I noticed something.
I started digging
And eventually found a tunnel.

So I dug and I dug and I dug and I dug.
At some point I forgot why I was digging.

It became an obsession.

I just wanted to find the end.

Along the way I found many things. At first I found a pebble. Then seeds from trees.
I found little gifts all the way down.
I loved all of them. I found a glove with a note in it.
And I smiled.

The best thing I found was happiness.
I was happy every time i found something new along the way.

When I reached the end I found an empty room. I looked around and I felt so at peace. But my heart told me to go back.

I had gone too deep.

When I turned around I found that the tunnel had caved in behind me.
I couldn’t go back.
I had found what I was looking for.

But for some reason I was suffocating.

I didn’t feel lost. I didn’t feel confused. I was at the end of the journey. I had found what I wanted.

Suddenly a figure appeared in front of me. The one who I had been chasing this whole time. He was close enough to touch but I knew I couldn’t have him for myself.
I started to say “I love you” but the room caved in before I could.
An exit appeared before me. I crawled out.

I wanted him to do the same.

When I turned around…
He wasn’t there.
The tunnel was gone.
He had stayed inside. Because he had found his love. He had found his safe space.

I stood outside and cried.

As I cried
The rest of the world moved without me.

I cried.

While I lay there, it felt like the world was embracing me, but I never looked up.

As the tears dried I saw flowers growing all around me.
I saw the beauty I had been missing because of my selfishness and pain.
The flowers I had been watering for months without knowing were so beautiful.

I saw those flowers and I smiled. I looked at them for a long time, unsure of what to do.

At some point a breeze passed by me.
It showed me where to go.

I turned away from our flowers.
I walked away.

I can’t forget those flowers.
They were so beautiful.
I love you. I was never brave enough to tell you. But I love you more than I knew I could.
Feb 2018 · 252
Cyan Eyes
Livia Rose Feb 2018
Isn’t it simple? The fall into love
Of nothing else could I think.
We had just met, cyan eyes both
And both corrupt by drinks.
Oct 2017 · 254
Goodbye.
Livia Rose Oct 2017
I let you fall in love with my words
I didn't realize that's all you would ever fall in love with
I somehow let myself become a part of some twisted fantasy and now I'm stuck there without you being a part of it. I guess I'm a fool and that's all ive ever been and will ever be
Livia Rose Oct 2017
Do you see the things I do?
Do you hear the trees sing to you in silence,
The waters around you echo like song?
Does your heart act as bone - breaking upon too heavy an impact?

My fingers crave your flesh, your blood
Not sexually, not sensually (though for you I’d give much too much up)
You see, decisions i’ve made, chances I’ve decided to take
None result in utmost pleasure

Some, alas, reside in pain
Sadly, some have pain as choice
Others, pain becomes pleasure
Yet none I’ve made have yet to persuade my mind as you

Tragic isn’t it? My despair
My desires like a child’s
What I can’t touch, you I can’t have
My needs now dependant on dreams

Is it a fault of mine or mind?
A fault of human nature?
Or rather just when one is touched
By someone like no other?

I have no peace in resolve
I have no peace in ends
Do I dare to stop you here
With no false sense of closure?

So line by line, and by each letter
Do you become confused
Or do you now understand
Better than I do?

Can you explain my split brain?
Can you explain the tides?
The waves which crash over
These convoluted lines

The ocean breathes, the trees they sing
I pray you’ve seen it too
Yet pray to whom? I’ve no idea
I’d rather prey to you.
Sep 2017 · 535
One Thousand and Four
Livia Rose Sep 2017
At times when I grow lonely
I read the messages you've sent
It's been a month
Since I've spilled my heart to you

You found some piece of me
A bit of reality I had lost
Sang melodies through the phone
And now silence rings

Trial and failure to clear my mind
Every thought leads to another
Then the others lead to you
Eventually I'll find peace

Peace a thousand miles from you
Only able to touch you through maps
Unable to touch you through words
Alcohol and doctorates now consume your time
Sep 2017 · 286
An Oak Spoke to Me
Livia Rose Sep 2017
Dearest oak tree how do you remain so still
As the winds whip and whistle through your leaves
How do you stand for a lifetime through chills
As the winter swallows all you've grown through the seasons
Larger you grow in an unfamiliar grove
While the flowers around you are replaced every year
There you stay as those around you sow
New crops and forget how you were placed here
Every morning you stand a bit taller
Though your branches begin to stoop low to the ground
The sun promptly sets and the earth looks smaller
Yet you remain as you were before the winds whipped around
Oh! Wise oak you've explained to me stability
Created a child of the earth and sea
Aug 2017 · 298
Large Words
Livia Rose Aug 2017
He does this thing, you see
He uses large words with empty meanings
To show his empathy, or lack there of
It's his attempt at connecting

To most it's unnoticed
It stays below the scope of their awareness
But I've found where he places these
Horrible, horrifying, descriptives

Because I do the same, so I adore them
For him secrets do not remain secret to me
Because he is as I am, and I am as he
Aristophanes depicted him and me
Aug 2017 · 252
Nothing to Compare
Livia Rose Aug 2017
You told me not to compair the two of you
Because he loves me and you assume I love him
I told you I have too much love to give to someone like him
Because there's nothing to compare
Aug 2017 · 230
In Tongues
Livia Rose Aug 2017
To him I speak in tongues
My words foreign, obscene even
You understand don't you?
The gardens growing in my head
Pouring rose petals out of my mouth
Aug 2017 · 196
Living as One Another
Livia Rose Aug 2017
Without him my words are dull
He's become my every thought
Living as I do, he finds peace in the light
Living as he does, I find peace in the dark

Silence had become soothing
Loneliness had become peace
Now I only desire to find peace in the light
Compensation in everyday life, as he does

He's like nothing I've ever encountered
Eyes like the sea promising a brief return to my side
Lips like silk dripping eloquent virtues into my mouth with every kiss
It's enthralling and terrifying

But what am I so afraid of?
What scares me most?
I'm not sure if I've found a former lover in him
Or if I've found myself
Aug 2017 · 209
Every Piece
Livia Rose Aug 2017
A garden has grown within me
The Garden of Eden cannot compair
Vineyards produce sweet wine
The blood of Christ could not praise

I have been saved
Salvation found in another's heart
I have been found
Every piece where it once belonged

I may never understand what you did
I may never feel this way again
But in this moment I am found
I am saved
Aug 2017 · 165
Touch
Livia Rose Aug 2017
It's neither desire nor wish
It's the oxygen in breath
The moon to the tide
It's the sun rising
Shedding rose stained light on a new day
The sun setting
Promising rest to every heart
It feels as the basis of life
Aug 2017 · 190
As the Universe
Livia Rose Aug 2017
He can only be described as the universe

Unfathomable
Untouchable

The thought is atrocious                                
For I miss him so                                            
I thrived on his touch                                    
Now I bask in a dream of him                      

Explicable
Tangible

Yet he remains as the universe must
Aug 2017 · 181
He Is Hate
Livia Rose Aug 2017
He's a tsunami crashing into me
He tears all of my walls down
I hate him for it
But it isn't a bad hate
It's the kind of hate that surrounds you
Protects all of your soft sides
It can never get into you
It can never run through your veins
Never run up to your tongue to spew profanities
Because it's not actually hate at all
I want to fall in love with him
Aug 2017 · 185
Oct. 26. 16.
Livia Rose Aug 2017
i could write sonnents
around your lips
and haikus in the
muddy waters of
your eyes
Aug 2017 · 196
Sept. 22. 16
Livia Rose Aug 2017
Pills as pacifiers
Bitter candy on the tongue
A little bit like licorice
But definitely more delish!
Strung out and dissociated
Aug 2017 · 206
By a Lovers Hand
Livia Rose Aug 2017
Off my medication
The silence in my head sings to me
You lay by my bedside
Whisper all your adorations to me

The sun has finished setting
It's rise has past
But here I lay awake and cognizant
Trying to ready for inevitable consequence

Lovely doesn't express
Enchanted can't encompass
But here I lay in a bed of regret
Drugged and awake

I made my choice and lay my bed
But here you stand to pull me away
A fatal attempt at best
You break the neck you were trying to save  

A violent awakening to return all sense
Breath stolen by a lovers hand
Heart beat ceases to pound again
A turbulent life released from hell
Aug 2017 · 202
Consent
Livia Rose Aug 2017
I said yes to you.

For of all the desires
                                      and all the sins
I beg for nightly,

You remain above them all.

I want to taste your blood,
             to rip the skin from your back,
              to lose all control to you.
I want to ******* sins.

However, despite my pleading,
                                              I don't want you.  
Not now. And not like this.

I want it to be perfect.
Aug 2017 · 247
Every Star
Livia Rose Aug 2017
A hotel stands still
Goodbyes echo down halls
Tears stain shoulders
Blood stains lovers sheets

Ten days cendensed to ten minutes
Half rush away, never to be seen
The others watch silently
Every star in the sky reminds me

Nightly ever star shines
But all stars must disappear
Goodbye to you all. All 26 of you. I'd go so far as to pray to see you again
Jul 2017 · 244
Not Even the Universe
Livia Rose Jul 2017
Here I lay
Skin on skin
Tracing my fingers over every inch of your body
Trying to memorize
Where your veins lie
Feeling for the blood pumping through your skin
As you breathe
Soft and still
My hands enjoy the pleasure of the atoms making up your flesh
Every time you leave
I fear it is for good
For nothing stays forever.
Not even the universe can outlive darkness and loneliness
Jul 2017 · 163
Portraits
Livia Rose Jul 2017
Others hang like portraits
No dimension no dominion
Jul 2017 · 172
Tainted By Sin
Livia Rose Jul 2017
The river stained orange
Lips stained red
Both tainted by sin

Light cascades
Sullen and pink over the treetops
Unaware of its beauty

Cargo ships steaming past
Breathless. Conductors weightless
Unaware of their freedom

The river stained orange
Gun stained red
Both tainted by sin
Jul 2017 · 162
Sure To
Livia Rose Jul 2017
It smells of honeysuckle and rain
Strangers voices carry across the lake
Nothing like when you were here
It is warm and                          It was frozen,
Filled with a buzz                      silent              
Tears cascade down my face
For I miss you
And a heart holding loss so dear
Is sure to lose its wits
Jul 2017 · 169
Sweet Tooth
Livia Rose Jul 2017
Your lips are so sweet
And so quickly tinged by smoke.
I prefer your kiss without
But it's not my choice, I know.
So keep yours lips sweet. I've always had a tooth for it.

I want the delicate intricacies of verse and virtue.
I'll settle for a mess spilled over messages
To understand the interweaving moments in your mind.
I've always needed to understand - had a need to.
I want to fully engross myself in you.
May 2017 · 202
Free
Livia Rose May 2017
"I'm a free man now. I'm about to cry"
You dropped your life. All the habits you've had
Since you were a child. Danger no longer follows
You around. You keep that gun in your car despite.
Say that you're just trying to keep everyone safe,
Keep me safe. I'll never know what your life was like.
I'll never know what it's like to become free. My life
Has been safe and calm and cared for. I have always
Been protected. I long for the danger and the trials,
The misguided paths leading down long lonely roads.
I would rather be in danger, suffer abuse. This life is
Stale and I want to get out. I want to be in danger.
I want to know what it feels like to become free.
May 2017 · 204
Falling
Livia Rose May 2017
The gods had ambrosia dripping from their lips
The drinks and the drugs are as close as I can get
May 2017 · 186
In Knowing
Livia Rose May 2017
I feel content in knowing
In knowing he's happy
In knowing he's safe
In knowing he's alive  

However, I feel more content
All together more satisfied
Knowing he misses me
While I'm ******* his best friend.
May 2017 · 268
Golden God
Livia Rose May 2017
I tried to find peace
I tried to find sobriety in your absence
But I drank nectar from your garden
Gorged myself in your absinth

Now my body aches, head swells
Tongue bitter, dripping ammonia
Withdrawals I'm too familiar with
Caused by a golden gods ambrosia
May 2017 · 245
My Muse
Livia Rose May 2017
I am in love with my muse
As we all are
But not all hold their muse
Not all have which inspires them

Those who do not are the lucky ones
For I have never lost
Something I could not hold dear
And I held you closer than all else
May 2017 · 232
Frost and Snow
Livia Rose May 2017
I bet it doesn't snow where you're living
It never really snowed here either
But today I feel frost
Engulf my ankles
Put pins in my cheeks
                in my nose
And I wonder
Where life has taken you

The first tracks have marked their way through the snow
Harsh black lines through the silence
That this snow,
Engulfing my ankles
Putting pins in my cheeks
                       in my nose,
Has created
Without you living here.
January 6, 2017 7:09 PM
May 2017 · 228
Drag on Again
Livia Rose May 2017
I know the days will begin to get longer                                                          
My life will begin to drag on again                                                                    
With the man I don't love
With the life I can't leave
I know my days will begin to grow harder                                                      
My life will begin to have an emptiness                                                            
No love can fill
No life can live
I know my days have begun to get longer                                                        
My life has begun to drag on again                                                                    
But it is fine.
Because you are mine
Only in secret
In between our lives
January 30, 2017 1:07 PM
I don't believe this poem to be true. Not now at least. But i remember the bliss I felt when i wrote it. It's simple. Nothing special. But it's special to me.
May 2017 · 224
I Had and I Miss
Livia Rose May 2017
I had this grandiose idea
That you were still this horrible thing
This addiction

I had this grandiose idea
That you would come back home,
Destroy me

I think I might have hoped for it
To make it easier to say goodbye to you
Again

But you came and went
And now I am sure about you
And I miss you

You're no longer an addiction
You no longer poison me
And I miss you

I had this grandiose idea
That you wouldn't leave
And I miss you
January 31, 2017 3:32
May 2017 · 222
February 2. 2017. 7:33 PM.
Livia Rose May 2017
The sun hides from the city today
It is cold and the skies weep
As I wept on the car ride home
I shouldn't have been driving
Considering I couldn't see clearly
The city's lost its colour without you here
The morning after he left. I guess I was a fool to think he would be coming back to me. finally a goodbye. closure. Maybe final.
May 2017 · 224
Forget. Remember.
Livia Rose May 2017
I don't get high to forget you
I get high to remember what it was like to be with you
Livia Rose May 2017
I grew tired of waiting to hear from you
So I read your poetry
The book you gave me
So I could hear your voice echoing in my mind

I grew sick to my stomach as I read
Pages remain untouched
I think I'm beginning to understand
That which you would never explain

You asked us both
"What am I"
And while I wrote you pages poured from my soul
She wrote                                                I wrote
                 "you're not human                           "you're human"
                  you're emotion"      

You told me that I always have the right thing to say
                       that I always say the things you need to hear
                                                      the things no one else will tell you
You never wanted that.

A flat line leads to you 2000 miles west
                  leads to the girl you love
A flat line leads my emotions to fail
                  leading me back to how it felt to be with you
April 6, 2017 4:14 AM
Livia Rose May 2017
WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF AN EXPLOSION. TO LIVE TO THE FULLEST WHY WOULD WE NOT LIVE AS ONE? EXPLOSIVE. UNCONTROLLABLE. WHATEVER IS CREATING, WHATEVER IS CREATED, UNSTOPPABLE BY EVERYONE. EVERYTHING. WE CREATE THEREFORE WE ARE. WE ARE DEVOTED TO THE EXPLOSION, TO THE CREATION, TO THE END.
under the influence
May 2017 · 189
The Wilting of a Rose
Livia Rose May 2017
You called yourself
            a wilting rose
But rose was mine

            It would forever reside
                      In the center
             of my name, my heart
                           of me.

But Wilt belonged to you
            And your storm came
Creating an end
                             my end

              The wilting of a rose
        Leaving nothing but thorns
          Trying to scare you away

Yet any word you speak
          Causes my rose to bloom
Only to be wilted again
Thursday, January 5, 2017, ~ 1:20 AM

Written in my journal. Theres a rose bud painted behind it. The spacing is different in the original. So are the words. This is revised.
Apr 2017 · 502
Coerce // Inspire
Livia Rose Apr 2017
My words will not coerce you to come running home
Nor will they inspire you to tell me of your love
I only hope as the nights pass that I cross your mind
Once, twice, a million times you've crossed mine
My mind wanders. Always to you. What's become of you. Where are you. Come home.
Apr 2017 · 225
1/31/17 // 12:04
Livia Rose Apr 2017
the last time i saw you
Cigarettes are cancerous yet I run through them trying to fill a vacuum that doesn't appreciate the smoke
Apr 2017 · 187
C. B. | S. S.// 2016
Livia Rose Apr 2017
He looks at me
               but not the way you do.
                         His eyes don't scream of the                                       distance.
                His lips don't curl towards
flushed cheeks at the sight of me


He does not love me
                                     though he says he does.
I do not love him
                                but he is here
                                                         and you are not.
I am not his
                     he is not mine.


The salt on his upper lip is bitter when we kiss.
                     his hands do not graze my skin the way yours do.
At his touch I pretend as if it is you.
                      I pretend his green eyes are the hazy honey of yours.


I follow your lips with my eyes
                                                       fingers tracing the shape of his.
I like to pretend that he is you.
But he is not and will never be.
I no longer know them. I never will again. They were both beautiful people. Both lovely and caring and true. I was the one who left them for I fear loss more than change.
Apr 2017 · 218
Trigger
Livia Rose Apr 2017
He put a pistol
to my neck. Pulled the trigger.
And I never flinched.
There were no bullets in the chamber. He knew. I hope he did.
Apr 2017 · 238
My Soul is Failing
Livia Rose Apr 2017
I fear my soul is failing me
Nature no longer brings me joy
The touch of frigid air
No longer pleases me

I fear my soul is failing me
Buttercups are dull
Daisies quite the same
Rivers run dry in my mind

I fear my soul has failed me
For the sunset is painful
My eyes veer away from it
No longer find beauty in the colors
A last goodbye. He's gone. No longer mine. He belongs to her he has for quite some time. At least i got closure this time.
Apr 2017 · 181
Dull. Lovely.
Livia Rose Apr 2017
Since you left the sunset is twice as lovely
For there's nothing so brilliant dulling it's beauty
I miss him. But now he's gone

— The End —