Brightly shining
way up high
a breath of smoke
as I sigh
the cold crisp air
envelopes me
the twinkling eyes
wink at me
and tell me
not to be afraid
"Tonight" they say
"Tonight is the night"
I climb into his car
we sit and talk for hours
he open up the door
and looks at me
he says I'm beautiful
"See the stars?" he asks
"I love you more than all the stars"
I smile but inside
I wonder

I write and I stop
I erase and try again
Nothing, I write
With computer or with pen
No words can form a sentence
To explain how I feel
The rhymes, they come to mind
So, ideas, I will steal
I’ll rewrite what they’ve written
In my own sort of way
I’ll say all the things
And repeat what they say
My own ideas locked up inside
Never to be shared
Its not the fact that I want to hide
But truly that I’m scared
I’m scared to let those feelings out
To write them in a book
These things I want to scream and shout
But then I’d have to look
At the words
On the paper
That will never measure up
To who I want to be
I'm a little miss nobody

Fighting, yelling, screaming
words were said
Did you mean them?
crying, weeping, mourning
Actions done
can't take them back
Broken, shattered, damaged
thoughts were born
now i cannot move

You told me one thing
that will stay with me
forever

"Your mother left you, ok! Get over it!"

I hate you
I hate your perfect smile
Your perfect faith
your perfect family
that I dont fit into
because I dont fit the mold
I hate you...
Get over it

I used to love you
from afar
watching your every move
longing for your touch
but you left
and you fell from my reach
and I fell in love with another
a miserable experience
He only loves me
when he sees me
now you're back
and I'm conflicted
because my heart belongs to another
but you want it
and I want you to have it
take it from him
he doesn't deserve it
but I love him
I don't know what to do
so I shall die
tonight
then my heart will belong to God

I don't like pictures
they don't tell the whole story
just a fragment of a memory
a snapshot of one emotion
it's suffocating
makes me claustrophobic
I see myself stuck in one moment
so thanks but no thanks
you can keep the photos
don't give them to me
or I will burn them
just as they burn a perfect version of me
into the world's eyes
so that when they see
something that isn't perfect
they look away in disgust

Lately, I've been writing
whatever comes to mind
dividing it into
short and choppy lines
writing what I please
as long as it takes shape
no rhyme
or rhythm
or meaning
just words
stale, rancid
words already spoken
tales already told
and I write in the hopes
that someone will glance
upon the poor writing I produce
and say "me too"
is this even poetry anymore?
or am I just ranting to a community
of people who see my work and say
is this even poetry?

God!
stop forcing your positive thinking
into my mind
perhaps I just need a moment
to unwind
Im sick and tired of you
telling me what to do
wallow with me
surely there is something
that brings suffering
oh how it pleases me to see you
with despair in your eyes
not because you are in pain
but because it proves
that you are human
that you have feelings
that I'm not alone
So
wipe the smile off your face
and wallow with me