Awaiting that moment of truth, that moment to prove
You've never meant a thing to someone who's ever been close to you.
It's that moment when you really get through
Through to your head that you've always been right, and they'll never need you.
The way that you do, and you always knew
That the last time you hurt was the worst, but this moment is too.
You never get to fix what's askew
Never realize you're slipping, how close to the edge you've come to.
The manic ensues, if only you flew
The torment I feel in this moment is flooding my veins coursing through.
I forget your eyes blue, freeze up, statue
Feeling your warmth melt away forgetting how it ever used to
Completely subdue, make me anew
How come I feel you aren't there when I'm longing, and I most need you?
It's a trick it's a rouge, you have to construe
I only need you when ever you're gone and I start to unscrew.
After love you's, crumpled tissue
I feel you should never leave me but the fall then may take me from you.
I wrote this poem during a manic episode of mine. At the time, I had recently been told I must have developed a severe fear of abandonment, and I needed to write to understand it myself. I have gotten much healthier since the time of writing this poem.