I cry out begging for relief
My hands pointed outward
A slow death , of poison
They ask what's wrong?
I cannot articulate.
No one sees my wounds.
They gather data in hopes for a solution, they've grown weary too!

So, take these! Morning, noon, and night. Give time, be patient!
Maybe so, maybe this is working.
Yet, I stop lifting my hands to the heavens seeking the grace and mercy I have always craved.
Now my mind is chemically covered, so I feel better now...
Yet,  what answered my prayers?

All the side effects
hunger sleepy useless
But don't have much choice
Ahhh to be normal

She sleeps so deeply,
Lips pucker without effort,
Slow soft breathing,
Quiet and still.
Her bright blue eyes covered by the
dark.
Her skin as smooth as the wind.
Her smell is pleasant.

She does not detect me.
She feels safe amongst us.
The barriers of our walls keep her protected.
So she dreams in delight for the morning to break!

I somehow can always identify the problem, but where does my solution lay?

He allowed her to trust him
Her eyes sparkled when he spoke
He swung her threw the air, as her laugh filled the world with joy
He called her baby girl, and swore to protect her!
Until...
He stole her innocence, and said her words were not true.
She kept his secrete for months, because he told her not to tell.
Yet, she was brave, and exposed the light to his darkness
Even though she was so young!


*please pray for my daughter who is only 9. We are having a very difficult time. She is so brave! I am so proud of her! My anger is more than I can bare! But I have to be there for her, so please pray to who you find greater than you!

Such joy in slumber!
Yet, nothing gets done around me.
As though time sits still, and so does the rest of me. What pleasure I find in sleep.

Show me where I come from? Show me where I'm going. Show me my worth and my value. For I become confused and I eliminate all possibilities. Why is it I self-sabotage when things get hard? Why do I make life harder than it should be? Your doubts and your Darkness are embedded in me, and I must accept that you are aware of my weaknesses. You will not break me. Yet I pick up the pieces and hopes to put them back together. I am Bound for hopeful things, I have a future in which I can reach, if I can stay out of my own way. That is my only hope!

When the world seems to be on different axis, why is it I feel you don't love me?
Or maybe you can see my thoughts.
All of a sudden my vulnerability causes shame, because I know, you know I'm crazy.
You survive me because you choose to, yet I feel I have you trapped. How do you love someone like me?
Don't look at me like that! Ahhh, please God help me keep my mouth shut. Feelings pass, and this will to. Thank you for apologies.

I always regret you when I'm done.
Yet your the less of the 2 evils.
Instant gratificationis is what you give me.
I devour you, enjoy every bit of you.
It takes awhile for you to show up, and a long while to get rid of you.
It hurts my feelings when I want to look my best. I regret you desperately.
Yet, my past shows that my other highs are too reckless so I choose you for comfort!

To rise with the sun can be as painful as keeping the shades pulled and the covers tights.
But I know with some stinging effort things seem better if I join you in the day.
"Come on Lisa, you can do this, God give me strength." So my feet touch the floor, huge sigh, and I try again. "No one can do this for me". I am responsible for my recovery!

How important you are!
Others take you for granted.
You calm the thoughts and storm, yet
People laugh at your simplicity.
I find you very beautiful. Sometimes I hold you for a very long time, just to feel your tightness within me. Then I release you knowing you will return.

I have found strength because of you.
The darkness allowed me to search for light.
I seek for those who have overcome, for we have something that welcomes the calm.
I no longer am a slave to your lies, healing is where I choose the abide.
You will no longer steal my life! You once had me fooled that I was bound for strife.
Today I choose to live in the light, because darkness became to hard to fight!

Where do I go when madness arives? My character and personality almost melt away, and I can physically feel it happen.
I shrink, my vulnerability will be the death of me, only if I allow it.
Yet, I refuse to be afraid because I am worth fighting for. I am the perfection in the madness. I am Me! The madness doesn't scare me anymore, because I know threw it, the perfection will eventually peak. That perfection is Me!

No more will I ask why.
No more will I seek to die.
No more will I eliminate peace.
No more will I allow you to defeat me.
For today I am Me! For you are apart of Me! I embrace you in my life. We are joined together in this fight. You are the yin and I the yang. You were with me when my life began. I will take you to my grave, so what's the use to deny the very thing that makes me learn how to live life!