I was just hoping you would tell me something other than what I already know. I was just hoping that you’d prove all my worries wrong instead of just reinforcing them… I know that it’s stupid for me to continue this, because I feel like it’s just a waste of time for me. That he won’t be the person I’m looking for and that I’m just ******* around. I don’t know if you’re saying that because you have a personal bias or if that’s really what you think. I just hate being the friend that complains about boys all the time and never says a word about anything else. I feel like because of that I won’t get anywhere with anyone. I mean, after you said that you said to just be careful and keep doing what you’re doing but the second you notice he’s not trying leave. i guess that gave me the little hope that I needed to move on with this. I guess I’m just the little naïve girl I’ve always been. Chasing after boys who will never want her, and ignoring all the boys who I would never want. I’m just so obsessed with “love” and “having someone there” made me forget everything I’ve ever fought for against that.

i haven't cried this hard since my grandma died.
idk what happened to you.
you were such a good friend.
always there
always cared
i was wrong.
i'm sorry for wasting your time
******* too i guess.

It’s just
You were one of the few people who helped me
When I really ******* needed it
You never once ditched me
Or made me feel like I was bothering you
So why now
Everything has changed?
Is it just me?
What happened to you?
It’s just hard to forget the ones
Who helped you in a way you can’t repay
Who didn’t let you slip away
If you didn’t let me before
Why are you now

I imagine situations
That has no chance of happening
I think of these scenarios all the time
Maybe it’s because I have a wide imagination
Maybe it’s because I’m crazy
But please
Let this work
Let me be happy
Let me be with someone
Who adds to my life
Gives me hope
And even when they leave
I take what I learned from them
And apply it
I would hate for all the good times to go to waste
But if I could waste time,
I’d love to do that with you

When I was younger
I used to think that if you were alone
You had to be lonely
No one was around you
How could you be happy?
I used to think that you needed someone by your side to survive
When I became older
I began to think that if you were alone
You were just that
No one was around you
You can be happy
I used to think that you needed someone by your side to survive
When I became older
I realized
You can be alone,
And not lonely,
You can be alone,
And be happy,
It’s all in your perspective.

To get to where I want to be
I have to do something I could never conceive
Not worrying
Not obsessing
To let things take whatever path they chose
And I should simply follow
Opposed to “taking the road less traveled”
Simply follow which ever path I was led to
In other words
I need to go with the flow
In order to get what I want
And if what I want is you,
I need to be patient
And do something I have never done.

I never identified with people who didn’t have a home
That wherever they laid their head was their solstice
In my experience, my house wasn’t my home
It was the people who lived there with me
The people I trusted
The friends I loved
My family who would never leave my side
Not always is your house,
Your home