i welcome u to the depts of this chaotic mind,
enter at ur own risk, its not for the weak hearted this time.
i have a method to this madness, a remedy for the sadness.
i use my tongue as a weapon, my words as a blade,
i spit out my emotions, use my lips as an aide.
the mind throbbing begins,
as i filter my emotions.
the pressure erupts to a near mind explosion,
as i release these feelings outta my mouth i taste the corrosion.
sadness,madness, anger and pain,
resentment of emotional heartaches ive had to sustain,
used and confused, violated and betrayed.
thankful and greatful for the true friends that i have,
hateful and worried for those that did me *****, hope they never cross my path!
death and abandonment, how do i handle it?
searching to find the spirit of forgiveness,
but my mind and my heart cant give this.
my mind is about to explode, i cant deal with it,
this is all going on in my mind its my real life ****!
i worry for my kids stressin how ima do this,
by myself gotta get it together, get my mind right and handle this ****.
im spittin so many emotional razors my toungue is bleeding,
**** it, its my therapy, this what my chaotic mind was needing.
i **** back my mind, take the saftey off this time,
pull the trigger on my thouts,
and spray these bullets of words gotta get it all out!
there... now my mind is coming back together,
after i murdered your ears i feel a little bit better.
if i anialated your brains i  do apologize,
but that was my therapy session,my mind, my chaos, my life!

i try not to live with regrets,
ive made alot of bad choices but ive learned from them.
day to day struggles but i grind for mine,
i live and breathe for mine,
ride or die for mine,
would **** or die for mine.
a teen mom no help from the father,
did my best to transform into a mother,
had help from my mother and brother.
til God thought it was better to take them both,
left here alone to figure it out.
grew up with my son tried to raise him right,
busted my *** day and night.
motherhood doesnt come with an instruction book,
but its the hardest job i ever took.
having to learn as i go,
make mistakes as i grow,
taught myself everything i know.
multiple personalities i had to take on,
disiplinary, friend, teacher, dad, mom.
another child born into my quiet storm,
here we go again, dam shame fatherless children are becoming the norm!
it dont make no dam sense,
dont care who takes offence,
once a week phonecalls dont pay your childs rent!
hold up im not done let me ****** vent!
donating the ***** dont make you a parent!
dam shame, i, yes i, a woMAN, has to raise these boys into MEN!
With no help from these so called MEN!
a vicious cycle of fatherless fathers,
acting like your protegees are stress and bothers!
welcome to the world of  the woman, the single mothers!
Having to pick up the roles as you so called fathers!
but ima do my best, to raise
my boys into men,
real men !
and if i cant break the cycle i tried my best,
at least i tried to raise these boys into men!
so there kids dont feel the fatherless stress!
so baby daddys, ask your selves, did you try your ****** best!!!

Truedom

This is a word that you never heard,
But its all good cuz its my word.
Truedom-to release yourself from your own emotional, mental and spiritual prison,
To break out of your pain,
To really live life, you escaped, you did it!
Truedom-to soul search and find your inner most peace,m
To find yourself, to find your release.
Smile..you found you, be real about it and express your escape,
Have a welcome home party and celebrate your release.
Truedom- your free...free to live!
A new journey to start with your past and your pain carried over ypur shoulder in your bookbag,
Only looking forward and never looking back,
But your pain, your loss, your past is all a part of you, its what made you YOU, its yours,
But the new you, the true you...
Every heart break, mistake, a friend that was fake, you know the one who turned snake?
Every love lost, every found lust, broken trust, pain and anguish, its all apart of us.
It made you into the most educated, most dedicated, most perceptive woman that you are today,
So carry that bookbag of burdens proudly,
Cuz without it youd be an empty mind...probably!
Youve been born again into a world full of a bunch of *******,
But now your smarter and more on point wit it, so now you see it,
So you reverse the ******* back to the world and release it!
Let it go.. Carry it with you but only in your mind as lifes lessons,
But take this journey, on a new path, and live and recieve all lifes blessings.
They may have always been there but you were blinded by hurts, betrayel,depression, aggression, death and deception,
That maybe you didnt catch the blessings.
Truedom-the truest form of freedom a person can feel or relate to,
The new you,youve always been you, but uou found you, the new found you, the proud you!
So smile, take off the emotional, spiritual and mental handcuffs keeping you from freedom,
Let your mind run free and find your truedom! Truedom!

THE DARKSIDE NEVER SLEEPS
as i slip out of all awareness, i go deep in my subconsious mind to the point of unconsienceness. the nite entered me. the night was in me i was possessed by the nite stressed by the nite blessed by the nite carress by the nite even when the nite seems to hold me away from goin home and knowing i am entering the unknown, i still enter the darkside or should i say the darkside entered me.
he worked his growth of darkness deep inside my damp love cave,
i tried to scream but the shadow of darkness suffocated my screams of pain, my moans of pleasure.... faceless, but his kisses of passion left me breathless... but still i     fight ,but the more i fight,the darkness tightens his grip on my wrists,my spine begins to twist, deeper he lunges his darkness into my pulsating abyss...then the passionate kiss, roughly biting my lips, as i ****** my hips against this unseen force of darkness...i search for light...something, anything ...i gasp for my breath as the darkside engulfs me whole.
the darkness is inside of me but i now become one with the darkside.
i try to open my eyes to escape the darkside,
my mind wont allow awareness, im scared of this....

im screaming inside dont just sit there and watch me fall, just be there to catch me before i hit the ground. dont just sore with me when i fly high on top of the world but run away when we have a rough landing. dont turn your back when i have nothing, but be there to collect my all, and give me nothing when ive given u my all.
how do i find the light when my light has dimmed to the point of non iexistance. unflammable. darkness clenched its rough grip around my soft heart, betrayel begins to harden this once loving vessel,broken trust slows down the rythm of my beating heart, lies and deciet slowly clogs my main artery,a layer of ice from dishonesty and unloyalty glazes over my beating ***** of existance. can this same vessel that beats life into my own being ever beat the emotion of giving and feeling real love to and from another being?trying to fight the incoming feelings  recieved from these new found beating hearts..they speak all the things my mind warns me about, i fight, but my beats continue to weaken as i listen to the rythem of theirs. they try to ignite this flame that i used to beat so strongly just to keep lit, but i fight their attempts at softening my hardened icy sheild, i have tunnel vision.. only seeing... hurt! mind is now trying to stay alert! telling the heart dont go there u been here before! dont love again.. u know what ur in for! sleepless nights and silent tears, broken hearted and wasted years. broken promises and bonds broken, seperation of emotion no more promising words spoken, alot of damage i had to help u repair, ask ur self heart do unreally wanna go there, to you pumping your agape love thru your very own veins,to only recieve aches and pain? i would hate to mend you all over again, but as strong as i am you always win. beat cautiously friend, soften slowly, love with precaution. listen for an idemtical beat, a heart worthy enough to coincide and colide with your beat of life! tread lightly for you are my dear friend but also my worst enemy! when u fail we all have to tend to you, we zap you back to life when you allow your teammate slash apponant ,well call it,to  seize you and squeeze you into a threatening stroke, draining all feeling to the rest of us, i,yes i,your mind had to find the time to quickly analize and decide to ressesitate you one last time, to gather the rest of this being to work togeter to get u up and beating... again... we are so very tired, so again frenemy.. think of u but think of me, u break and seiZe again, im officially done, next time a triplr bispass will need to get done, when that massive attack of heart break happens again then again my friend youll be on your own then. this excitement of recipricated emotion and hopefullness at a paralell beating of two hearts is only pumping this damage vessell harder while the fear that the mind instilled , reminded me still ,to continue to beat at a slow, careful, steady, lonly pace... so do i love again and let my heart race or keep this whole being safe and beat at a lonely, regretful, but safe pace.. to be continued..

i feel the need to vent about the world today,
a quick assessment of thoughts i feel the need to say!
where the hell did our rights go?,
we dont live in communism though?
freedom of speech is ****** *******,
express your thoughts verbally but youll probably be punished for it!
pigs using their authority to ****** our peers,
as i watch the news i can barely see through the tears!
i saw a video of a man being shot 5 times for not paying bus fare,
how the **** is that fair!
a mother loses her son while the killer cop gets desk duty and gets paid to sit there!
People are fed up so they react with looting,
Undersand the frustration but your only losing!
Its a set up for everyone to **** eachother off,
While Big Brother sits back, hands clean,  your just doing THEIR ***** work!
Dont fight violence with violence or hate with hate,
Form together and think of other ways!
The most sickening part of this is peoples views on these killings,
people saying if mike brown never stole from the store this never woild of happened!
So basically by stealing a dutch is a reason to be fatally shot,
a life lost too early because he stole a blunt?!
how stupid do you sound, what if it was your kid,
to be gunned down because they shoplifted?!
cant even finish , my thought running wild,
ill leave this alone but just ask yourselves, "what if it was your child?" smfh!

Minimum wage has went up an estimated $3.50 in 15 years but
Rent for a 2-3bedroom apartment went up $500-$800 in 15 years,
Police gettin paid vacations for killing innocent people,
Loyalty is a rare trait now, dosnt exist in many people.
Your best friend can become your worst enemy 0-100 real quick!
Dudes gettin on in the game who aint sayin ****!
Racism, sadly, in 2014 still exists.
Look at Donald Sterling, hes real live proof of it!
Little boys in grown *** man bodies are making babies,
While all the responsibilitys are left to the ladies.
The good dying so young,
While the evil people live on!
All these parents hurting, neglecting or killing there babies,
While alot of woman are sterile who deserve and would die for those babys.
Men acting and dressing like ladies,
Children are molested and serve a life sentence ,messed up emotionally,
While the punk *** coward does a few years then is set free!
Terrorists plotting on their next moves,
While we wonder next time will the next victems be someone we love.
Schools being shot up,
Fatherless children being brought up,
Divorce and infidelity at an all time high from getting caught up.
Kids disrespecting their parents ,
Innocent people serving life sentences,
While the obviously guilty are let go and suffer no consequences.
Somewhere, some how **** in this world got twisted!
Its like Revelations, and were in the beginning of it,
Think about it,
Thats some scary ****!

perfectly imperfected

in the worlds eyes i might not exceed the expectations of perfection,
and it is not my intention to reach their standards of acceptance in becoming perfected.
because i know who i am and i am a woman who is perfectly imperfected.
ive come to terms with this and have accepted it,
the world may not accept it but i demand to be respected.
my light shines bright as it illuminates off my heart,
a damaged vessel torn apart and scarred.
but still it radiates warm beams of heat,
love keeps it pumping its rythmatic beats.
it beats perfectly imperfected sounds,
that only my perfectly inperfected mind can comprehend.
my hair is crazy and my minds all over the place,
my bodys not perfect, i have an average face.
i have alot of scars and im pretty short,
im a little jealous and have a hot temper, being i am a scorp!
i love too hard and give people my all,
i troop through life but always seem to fall.
i live for my kids but am not a perfect mother,
my minds so chaotic its a hyper active disorder.
but through it all, i stand tall, hold my head up high and give everything my all!
i am perfectly imperfected and im ok with that,
so **** the worlds perception of perfection , im not that!
im me, like it or not , its what ur getting,
a real version of a real woman who is perfectly imperfected!!!!!!

I am me.... The only me... Yep thats who she be. An open book if taken the time to look. A testimony to tell, been thru hell. Do u know me? The real me? I am me... The only me. Silent but deadly, please dont envy me cuz theres only one me.. Yep thats who she be. Hate me or love me i will always remain me. My mirrored reflection shows many imperfections, make ur selection to hate on my imperfections, but to my recollection only God can judge me cuz those imperfections make up the collection of me...the only me...yep thats who she be. So if u dont know me, the real me, dont judge me or hate me cuz u envy me and want to be me. I am on a natural high, my walk a constant incline, which i define as growth, i crave growth. On a mission for wisdom. A challenge for knowledge. A story walking on damaged ground, wounded but healed is who am i now. So who i am i? I am me... The only me! Do u know me? The real me ? Maybe u are who i used to be or maybe who u wanna be. Either way just ask me, read me, u get what u see, me! The only me, the real me, the healed me!

Forced into being a motherless girl with a child of my own,
left to figure out this thing called life all alone.
no mother figure to look up to, to run to ,
what I wouldn't give to hug you ,have fun with you, bring my son's to you.
but your gone now
it's been so long now.
you exist only in pictures and memories
one-sided conversations and prayers that you are at peace and watching over me.
are you in heaven? is it beautiful there?
is my brother with you does he watch over my kids here? are you proud of me ?
am i doing okay?
I am trying my best learning from my mistakes every day.
am I doing a good job at being a mom?
so many things I never got to ask you Mom.
All I can do is try to be the best mom I could be,
Follow in your footsteps mothering my kids how you mothered me!
Missing you forever mommy.....

fellas fellas fellas may i have a moment of ur time,
becuz im bout to **** ur mentals and **** ur mind,
blow out ur intellect while ur visualizing twisting out my spine.
u know, hit it from behimd in ur mind while i wind and grind, spittin an intriguing conversation hypnotizing ur mind.
captivated by my dialouge the whole time u follow alomg.
oh wait, u whisered in my ear that ur mendula oblingata is starting to hurt,
cuz i just kidnapped ur cerebrum better call an amber alert.
so now that were connected u no i can get deep,
they say its adhd my mind never sleeps,
how my mind is everywhere, freak me every,
u no give me some knowledge on the floor, the dryer, the counter, the stairs,
and ill gas up ur brain while ur refueling to play my game.
can u keep up the speed and give me the stimualation that i need.
ill give u the time but u must stimulate my mind,
while u caress my earlobe, u slowly open up my mind, and make love to my frontal lobe,
manhandle my mind the interpreter of all sences,
mind stimulation have u thinkin we sexin,
ur wordplay is a poetic stimulant ready to bring me to the point of ******,
while u strongly but calmly tell me to relax,
now that im all wet let me take back control,
im jumpin on top time to get ur mind off make ur eyes roll.
oh ****! u felt that explosion in ur thout bank ?
that was ur mind that just came while i was ridin ur brain,
did this scorps conversatiom satisfy u boo?
cuz i just made passionate love  to ur mind without even touchin u