People always say they are going to be better
We’re going to make them regret it
We were the ones who were right
And that our lives will be better without them

But the pain is paralyzing
We don’t get up
We don’t do the things we told ourselves we would do
We bathe in our sadness

In the dark, illuminated by a screen
We watch them live a life that we don’t want to admit
Is better than the life we gave them and better than the one we currently live

I told myself I’d be better
I told myself I’d have fun
I wanted to show her what she was missing out on
That she was in the wrong

But as I cope by swiping on a screen
Drawing out the pain with meaninglessness and failing
I have to admit
She got the better end of the deal
I needed her more than she needed me

You don’t smile the same way anymore
I look at the pictures of you and it’s just not the same
They don’t make you smile the way I did

I know no one other than me knows that I was the one behind the camera
That I was the one who got to love you for so long
That we were so happy together

I can see you now with your new half smile
You do it for the camera not the person behind it
I see through your facade

But when I look back at your smile when we were together
I see a girl without a care in the world
Of whether or not anyone is looking
Of anything outside of the love between the boy and the girl

I don’t doubt you’re happy
And I’ll be happy one day again too
But I know **** well I made you happier
Than any of these fools ever could

With the side of my head against the cold glass,
(There is really no comfortable position to rest your head in a car)
I listened to the sounds of the eighties,
And gazed out of the window at a pitch black sky.

Driving through a desert,
The twinkle of the stars blended with the twinkle of thousands of red lights flashing,
Only on the way back did I realize these were wind turbines,
With lights to let pilots know that they were there.

I thought of a girl back home.
Inspired by the love and romanticism of “The Ultimate Rock Ballads,”
I wondered when the love that these people described would appear in my world,
And I lived in a fantasy that was bound to never happen.

I hated these car rides,
It was hard to sleep with my mom’s singing,
Despite the lullabies she sang to me as a child,
I sat in my annoyance and angst.

I hated the fact that I had to stay sitting for so long,
I could feel the blood getting trapped in my legs,
I hated the fact that I wasn’t with my friends,
I wasn’t with her.

And now, as I live apart from my family,
Constantly surrounded by the possibilities of love,
I miss the love that I felt from my parents and sisters,
A love that I failed to recognize.

As I sat in that car,
Waiting to be let out,
I was creating timeless memories,
That I will forever treasure.

Hearing my mother sing songs that came out when she was in high school,
My foot beginning to tap and the words beginning to form on my lips,
A smile came across my face,
As I heard my father’s voice harmonizing with her’s.

My sisters in the back,
Singing with little effort,
But singing still to entertain each other,
Their laughter overpowered the song.

I now realize that this is love,
These are the things that shape who I am,
Not any girl who didn’t even know my name,
And now I don’t remember her’s.

Now that I have grown past my phase of dreaming of love and forgetting about the present,
I try as hard as I can to recreate the past,
A past that I spent dreaming about a future that never came to be,
A present, left unopened.

I think deeply about the love that my parents showed me,
A love that I failed to repay,
A love that I took for granted,
A love that they sang to me.

Despite the hate I felt for sitting in these long car rides,
These are the moments I remember,
These are the moments I miss the most.

-Inspired by the song “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” and memories of listening to it with my family.

Friends come and disappear, some more than others,
Some leave town, some even farther,
It is not the distance that was added to an insignificant relationship that is significant,
It is the slow departure of one still so close, yet you know they are soon to be gone.

It is sad to see a relationship end,
When you see the person right in front of you during the process,
You can say so much, yet nothing can be said,
The present is alive but the future is certain to be dead.

For pain doth cometh when must I confess,
that I am not discernibly the best,
despite efforts, exhausted then, unless
soon I surrender this eternal quest.
And what is a road less traveled by, if
thou dost not get to a destination?
And so often do paths end at a cliff,
that I’d rather accept my damnation.
But what is life without being alive?
T’is a song, sad without word or meaning,
and even if words come, those which that I’ve
lusted for, light, shining on my being,
I contrive, nothing of this world hath worth,
For in the end, we all turn back to earth.

Cherry Chapstick on chattering lips,
That feel the chill of loneliness,
A thin layer left by the lips of another,
I can still feel her kissing me.


I can still feel her laying on me,
Breathing softly on my skin as she caressed me with her fingers,
Falling asleep as I caressed her,
I could feel our hearts beat as one.


The feeling of being with her,
The feeling of being with you,
Chiseled into my memory,
I see your face before me,
As I once did.


A night without sleep,
Not spent thinking of you,
But being with you,
So beautiful are your eyes.


Forever lost within their silent gaze,
Unable to be seen in the dark,
But surely felt,
Never forgotten.


Laying in the darkness,
Immersed in your voice,
You were the entirety of my being,
You had full control of the beating of my heart.


How swiftly did you fill my heart with love,
After a life of pain and emptiness,
Promptly did you break it,
Your honesty stings.


If I had only known that how close we would become would push us away,
Unable to see you, feel you, as so briefly I did,
I would have never dared set my eye upon you,
As you dared me to do.


I close my eyes and I am with you,
I feel your lips on mine,
And it makes opening my eyes to the reality of you not being there all the more painful.


Now I wait in pitiful hope,
That what you said was not true,
That your feelings will change,
And again I shall be with you.