You can't be depressed

Actually I can.  It's a real a act,  it's a real sadness, emptyness.  It's real.  While you're over here talking crap about me and other people with depression wanting attention.  You over there talking smack while I'm over here trying to tell you, trying to convince you that what I'm doing , depression is, that it is real.  It's so real that I have to put on an oxygen mask everyday so that way I don't want to collapse & I don't want to give up. I don't want to give up because if I give up then who knows, this depression will never go away, I know that, I really do know that already, why are you over here trying to tell me that I can't be depressed, I can't change the fact I'm depressed if I could I would trust me I would but I can't,  so don't tell me that i can't be depressed.

It's so hard living every single day wanting to do nothing. I tried to do things productive but I don't want to. if I have plans I would love to do them but it's not that fun having fun when you don't want to have fun.  Trust me when I say living everyday is hard it is, it's a constant battle with yourself that you keep losing, your in a maze & every turn you make gets you in a dead end. You can't get out. you just can't it's impossible.  When I say it's impossible I mean impossible.  People say that nothing is impossible well depression is a impossible battle that doesn't end and you keep losing. 

You wake up every single morning wanting to get up and do something but you can't,  it's like you're glued to your bed, it's like you are stuck in your room. you can't get out of your room because you want to be alone but you know deep down that you don't want to be alone and when you say that you want some one to leave you alone you're really saying that you want to see if they are caring enough to stay but they don't know that, of course they wouldn't, they don't know what depression looks like or feels like. 

A lot of the time people with depression gets criticized because people think that they're faking it so that way they can get more attention. That's not true,  not at all.  You know it really hurts me to think that people are criticizing us because they think that we're faking depression so that way we can get more attention but we don't want more attention because that way, when we have attention, people have their eyes on us. It's like we're in a room with eyes on us and it homes in on us. Oh and one more thing, depression is a constant feeling of emptiness and sorrow and wanting to give up.

 It hurts us so much

To my ex best friend.

I had so much trust in you but then I lost 100% of that trust because you lied.  You lied about me. Would you tell me it was wrong to trust you.  If you had another chance,  I wouldn't give it to you.  Tell me,  what changed?  I hate myself for trusting you & for all the dumb secrets I told you.  All the things I kept to myself but told you.  I'm afraid now.  Now it's hard to trust.  You broke my heart but the prices are to small to put back together.  You saw me in pain yet you didn't come to say sorry or to ask if I were alright.  

I thought you were the best friend I would have for the rest of my life,  that I will get closer to.  Hear me cry my eyes out in the night while my heart bleeds of guilt,  lies,  & how I thought I could trust you.  Are you listening now,  are you listening to my voice that is broken because of the lump in my throat with lies.  Seems like it was yesterday when I trusted you.  My mind keeps replaying that moment when your friend got me & told me to stop because I was being mean to some one close to you.  My mind keeps saying :"it was wrong to trust her" How it keeps telling me,  you lied.  I just want you to look me in the eyes & see me looking back with tears in my eyes about to fall.  I was about to fall to the ground & cry so much my eyes would be red.  

To my ex best friend

I hope you have a great life & I hope you would forget to remember our friendship & all the happy moments that lend to this.  I hope you forget to remember me.  All though it will be easy to forget you,  it might be hard to forget me because of all the dumb secrets I told you.

To my ex best friend

Don't look at me,  don't talk to me,  don't even stare at me,  don't talk about me.  Just don't do any thing that involves me.  

To my ex best friend

I hope you forget me

- Kamryn N

Sin:  Noun
An immoral act considered to be transgression against divine law

Jealousy,  gossip,  lies,  ****,  kidnap,  killing,  

If you still don't know what a sin is then,   look in a mirror & look at your self because you lie & you gossip. Everyone does but YOU hurt EVERYONE around you with your words.  Youre killing everyone around you with these WORDS that make me sick to my stomach

Equal:  Adjective
Being the same in quantity,  size, degree,  or value

This is meant to be the land of the free & equal.  Women are thought to be weaker or have really good manners or meant to take care of the house while the husband, boyfriend,  friend,  roommate are working well the last time I herd that this is meant to be the land of the free & equal but here women are considered to be weaker even though sometimes they are stronger

Peaple are meant to be want they want or who they want but you look around & everyone is changing themselves to be liked or love or noticed because they feel alone & scared & invisible. People feel like they are in this nightmare that last days on end.  They feel like everyone is being to tooken away from them.  They feel like they need to change to be cool,  popular,  cute....  Everything. Everyone has fake smiles while they bleed.  No one can trust anyone any more because those people change each other's to be noticed. But really you are just hurting your self.  Everyone has cancer because of how girls eat food & spit it up,  how they wear corsets because its more attractive to have an hour class figure,  men working out every day & every night to be stronger because stronger is hotter,  stronger is manlyer.

I'm not mad at our messed up but yeah I'm angry.  Who says LGBT isn't allowed that to like the same *** is illegal.  To marry the same *** can't be allowed or acknowledged or that because you wear something different or act different makes us freaks or that you can labeled us something that we're not or get rid of us like some object.  Yeah,  this world has issue's.  Like everyone else.  You don't know their past,  or future.  You can't  estimate like some math test. LGBT is allowed,  to marry the same *** is okay,  that you can wear or act what you what.  Everything is to be acknowledged even people but if you can't get that then you're no human. The only reason my smile isn't fake is because I don't want to be one of those people.  Those people that make me sick to my stomach.  That **** me.  

I'm not like those people & I will never be one.

-Kamryn N

Love can spell disaster &
Hate can spell savior
Just like how every broken heart is filled with hatred, lies, & guilt
How it fills our minds with fake sweat talk.  

Hate can save but it can also **** just like Love

Depression is hard
It's a firefly on day & the next,  it's a bear
Depression is something people think can be stitched up like a ripped teddy bear
You become to tired to even CARE about anything
It feels like a knife thats covered in sorrow & pain
You feel so done

Done with
EVERYTHING

No,  I was meant for this.  I was meant for way more importance.
I was not meant to be used as a tool or a pawn. I was not meant to be an object. I am way more special then you think. I have my flaws but I won't let that get in the way of my happiness. No matter what people say or hear,  I will not let them bring me down.  I am meant for way more importance.