pretty and pink
she's a princess
as she struts up and down the rows

what she'll pick,
mommy doesn't know

will it be the new
holiday barbie doll

or the shiny Nerf gun
to shoot her brother, Paul.

no!

Its the wonderful stuffed
teddy-pus.

the mega tough protector
who isn't a wuss.

he keeps kids safe
chases the monsters away

with his snuggly tentacles and big fluffy ears
he provides brighter days

now whenever
she's feeling really sad,

Teddy-pus makes things
seem not so bad.

mean eyebrows
mean cheek bones
angry shoulders
cocky attitude
Not so great at math

Why do I find you so alluring?

I guess it's kinda sick
that I like it when all I feel is ick
Helps me to be creative, gives me thoughts
Its fun to write while watching yourself rot.
makes you more popular, cause "others feel it too"
I don't really care, as long as I get more views.


I'm willing to destroy myself
If you're willing to give me attention
makes me feel loved
I'd take any form of affection.

My mind needs
needs to get high
high off the ground
ground floor to the roof door
roof door to the ledge
ledge looking down
down falling wind rush
rushes past me as I fly
fly far away
away to a better day
day where I was happy
happy and free

I
    talk
            to
                  no
                        one
                      
                         no
                 one
         talks
     to
me

The difference a moment makes
my happy mood it takes
away from me and shakes
up my anxiety and breaks
down my anger until I quake
with fear that flakes
into causing me to create
a poem that makes me feel irate
because its not my family I should hate


It's me.

Oh how nice
would it be
to be alone

I think it'd be better
for you and for me
If I were gone

Not necessarily
just like that
but its an option.

I don't appreciate
bleeding for nine days straight
Flow so heavy I wanna die
at the silliest things I start to cry
the annoying things never made me twitch
but now I just go full *****
I just lie around like a lump
And everything, I want to ****
Simply, I have no motivation
Golly Don't I hate *******

Dear Mom,

Just because work starts at 1:00
doesn't mean you need to stay in bed until 12:00

Be a ******* mother.

fell into a black hole
pain weighed me down
but eventually I started to climb out
I could see the sun, hear the chirpy birds
and then
you dragged me back in
deeper then I'd ever been before
the walls crashed around me
so that I was buried
buried and so very alone

I want to see the sun again
I want to be over this
I want to run away

But I am stuck.

I wanna write
but I don't have a good story
I could depict something nice
or something quite gory
such as a mouse squeaking in strife
cause his wife is quite whorey
She was caught with the three blind mice
her only retort, a sob story
unfortunately he didn't believe her lie
and stained her fur a sticky wild-cherry
just beat her until she died
he gave her no time to say sorry
now he sits alone and cries
his breathing getting steep
no one can ask why
after this, he'll never squeak.

This cold day of snow
seemed fun at first, now it blows.
I'm bored, got nothing to do
taught myself binary, 10110 is 22.
I have an essay I need to rewrite
typing this up brings me more delight.
have a slight headache, I'm buzzy with sleep.
Where's the sanity I've been trying to keep?

Sometimes
   I feel
   that its not okay
   to be sad

Sometimes
   I feel
   so angry
   because that's not fair

Most of the time
   honestly
   I don't even care
   at all

you sarcastic, short, cutiepie
when I say this I do not lie
I love ya more then stars in the the sky
or money spent so Hib can get high
all I have to say now is goodbye

currently stuck
in that quadrilateral
I'm supposed to be
externally reasoning from

blank space
like my
blank face
shows no trace
of feeling outta place
its crazy
how dazed
I feel
is this real?
guess I don't
wanna know
I'd rather sit back
and watch the show.

you ever just get
so happy
so happy you wanna cry
*******
if that isn't the best feeling.

I am here.

I am alive.

It is great.

Extremely ****** at
everyone around me.

so I'll blow 'em up
like balloons at a party

or chop-chop-chop and
make some beautiful confetti.

laughing as I see
my mom had a good reason to be
about my closed door, worried
when it was dark and just you and me.

slugging back
cold blue sugar in a bottle
brain's under attack
wondering what caused the bobble.

This
         place
                   makes
                               me
                                      unhappy

Sometimes I wish people
didnt write such sad things
they really
                  bring
                           me
                                down.

I'm tired
and strangely wired,
But I'd really like it
if you cuddled me tight.

My mind is blurry
I'm feeling buzzy,
you're the only thing
that makes me feel right.

I'm no good with words
when it comes to describing you
and I kinda assume you know that
which is why I hug you so much
I'd like to take a moment
to apologize if that comes off as creepy and clingy.

To the real point though Amber,
you are my best friend and without you,
jesus ******* christ, I dont even know where I'd be.
we've been through a lot of crazy things
we've spent every single friday together since sophmore year
and I don't ever want that too stop.

I love you.

no, not in that creepy
"let me ******* hard hurrhurrhurr"
I love you kinda way,
but more in the sense of
"dont you ever ******* leave me hurrhurrhurr"
(both contain "****". whoa!)

I want us to be the best friends
that are each other's bridesmaids
(you can catch my bouquet. im getting married first <3)
(jay kay i dunno, im trying to be funny
cause I'm no good in serious situations)
we'll fight over stupid things
and then cry and eat lots of food
and cry more at more stupid things
when we're old.
and our kids will be best friends
maybe they'll even call each other cousins
because we'd always be together.
(that would be freaking adorable
dont you even lie.)
(my kids are so calling you Aunty Amber, get over it)

I'm off track, huh?

yeah..sorry.

<3

bottom line.
you is my main *****.
and I need you.

I told myself I'd quit writing on this ******* website
But then I find a way to **** up giving up
My mind's never straight
I need help
but then I'm happy
and its ******* sunshine everywhere
later I'm sad and i dont understand
then im ****** at everything
you, and then me for knowing its my fault.
I'm a failure
someone messed up
the blue prints
gobackandfixit
gobackandfixit
I'm not right
never was, never will be
until I'm fixed
so fix me
even if you need to break me in the process.

I feel like a fizzy drink
someone ******* the cap too tight on
and shook right up and down too too fast
the pressure pushing out on all sides of the cheap plastic
built up and stiff, pressure insane
until someone takes off the cap
and I explode
it's too much for them
so they close me back up
cycle repeating
close
shake
explode
close
shake
explode
unt­il there's nothing left
and I am
empty

Here I feel irrelevant
shoved in the back of the closet
of this **** website.
its like you all know you're better then me
and you make a point to prove it every time you can
and it hurts
but its only in my head
I know I can't write or rhyme correctly
I just need someone to blame
but its not your fault
that I might stop writing for a while.

well at least here.

****, look what you did.
you ****** life up for yourself.
****, you did it again.

****, I need you again

but alas, I also crave

being so alone.

Your life.

                                           Not theirs.

You got this.

                                           Stop asking for help.

You don't need it.


                         Neither do they.

I'd apologize for my apodyopsis,
but how would you ever know?

remember how i wrote about
i was mad they didnt let school out?
..well hey
they kicked us out today
cause the lights went dark
and soar, it did, my heart.

I was excited
when i saw the whited
out street
beneath my feet
and i almost screamed in joy
when i heard all girls an boys
had the day off
but then i had to scoff
at the fact that they
thought they could take away our day
in the wintry escape
and replace it with school not-so-great
where we'd feel like muck
cause what the ****
none of will ever think school
is ever that cool

Daddy was right,

little girl,

you are just not special enough to be noticed,

nor are you sad enough to be cared about.

you are merely invisible,

little girl,

and that's all you'll ever be.

You might think this is about you,
but I promise it's not.

My heart goes crazy,
explodes with a million butterflies
that carry me away
with those stupid phrases
said oh so often
but always feel oh so special.

You might think this is about you,
but I promise it's not.

Sunset paradise
that gleams in those eyes
and takes me on
the most lavish of vacations
in a single blink.

You might think this is about you,
but I promise it's not.

Skin-soft brush
against me
shoots electric through my fingertips
and jolts my heart,
leaving me dizzy,
wanting more.

You might think this is about you,
but I promise it's not.

Long afternoons spent
in conversation quicksand
"the less you struggle, the less you'll sink"
but no matter how still I stand,
I fall deeper,
understanding and accepting
that there is no escape from this.

You might think this is about you,

but I wish it wasn't.

How is it possible to love someone

so much

and just
not be able
to love them

so much

Dear You-know-who-you-are,
Thank you for everything
you've done and said
to me over the years.
It is very rare to experience
a love (if it was for you; it was for me)
so true and real and deep
these words are not enough to express
how much you mean, meant, and will always mean to me.
No..they are merely raindrops in the sea.
Because not a thing has been created
to give you a proper translation yet.

So just kiss me.

Let yourself melt against me
so I can transfer my feelings through
moving lips and body heat.

Love, you-know-who-I-am

Octavian Octopus
lives In the sea
with eight long tentacles
to hug you and me

He spends his days
with Seahorse Sabrina
who dreams longingly
of being a ballerina

Octavian wants so much
to be like his crony
but sadly, all of his
dance moves are bologna.

Still he felt that
he needed to impress
his funky fresh pal
in the pretty pink dress

so for hours, Octavian
practiced his spins and his twirls
he even got a costume
with glittery frills


So came the day
of the big talent show
He could show old Sabrina
that he too, was a pro

But alas,
half way through his act
his big squirmy arms
got caught in a crack

He tripped and he stumbled
and fell off the platform
tears started to fall
and away, he started to storm

"Stop!" a voice shouted at him
and he turned around to see
his best friend Sabrina
giggling with glee

"the very best dancer,
you don't need to be
if you really want to
be friends with me"

He smiled and she laughed
"you're very cool, you silly-old-goof,
but just be yourself,
not a stumbling doof"