Am I allowed this?
This small piece of happiness,
This tiny piece of indulgence?
Is it something I'm allowed to take
Or will it be ripped from me once again?
Do I deserve it,
Or am I doomed to a life of lonely heartbreak
And quick *** in the dark?
No one has to know.
It can be a pretty little secret
Where neither of us admit to anything
And we can save the quiet joy for ourselves.
I'm ready to be happy,
Though I don't know if I can be.

Watch me paint my lips
And colour my eyes
Rouge my cheeks
And darken my brows
Until I'm a porcelain doll
A pretty little girl
Portrait of perfect
Pretend to love me
Pretend to care
Do you dare ask for my real face?
Darling do you want me here?
I will close my eyes
And cry without sound
Until twin black streaks
Mar my pretty pink cheeks
Would you like some loving, my love?
Painted red lips
That drip like blood
Face devoid of colour
Dull eyes shaded
Like an unlit carnival
The ghost of what once was bright
Honey bunny stay with me
And kiss my bleeding lips
Until I've stained yours pink
And you flee from the taste of iron
Run from me darling
From my pretty face
Before it melts away
And you're left with tears and bloodshot eyes

He asked me if it hurt when I fell from heaven
And it wasn't a charming question
My wings were set ablaze
As I crashed through the Earth's atmosphere
Each feather plucked with painstaking vulgarity
I grasped at moons and galaxies
In a desperate attempt
To slow my blazing descent
And the burns still smoke
My scarred back still smoldering
There went my ignorant purity
As a gritty harsh reality was ****** upon me

"You should know.
You pushed me."

Cracking my knuckles,
As my coffee becomes cold.
Sitting among my peers,
A teacher lecturing without speaking
And all I can think of
Is how much I want.
From a book in my hands
To blankets pulled up to my chin,
From a mans hands on my body
To never being touched again,
From being wrapped in someones arms
To feeling protected.
I want it all.
I have enough
But it's never enough.
I'm always wanting more.
I'm called selfish,
And I don't deny it.
I'm constantly wanting
What I'll never have.
When I get what I want
It's a rare occasion.
When I get what I want
It leaves me wanting more.