I now relate my sorrows to intense flames
they were once so chilling, numbing me till I forgot my true name
It was like walking through a blizzard
Knowing your body would collapse down in your shivers
Remember, that was when everyone around felt like a snake that slivers
And the wells of my eyes no longer ushered rivers
A time where each step felt like a million miles
And everyone said the destination would end in smiles
They lied.. they lied
I sat in my tears and constant sighs
Forever questioning why
Like I was abandoned by the father in they sky
Because they said it would always get better
But instead of the cold, I now feel the rise of liquid making my body wetter and wetter
Everything festered
Bottling my emotions I thought to be clever
But now all I see is a wide deep dark ocean
Normally blue but tinted with my emotions
My deepest devotions
And seem to follow the same process of erosion
Picked up by the wind and water
The materials within worn away leaving a shell of a daughter
Walking through the sea
And no one could see me
The last glimpse of strength dropped me below where once stood my feet
Have I reached defeat ?
Grasping the water all around
Gasping until I no longer make a sound
My inner me drowning
My outter me profoundly
Intrigued in how I could live the way I feel
Knowing it’s no way to live in death even though the feeling is very real
Now everything relates to flame
An intense inferno that will soon drive you insane
Because fire can be defined in many ways
Determination, confidence, sorrow, self worth it could change any day

Endless days of heat enveloped the house, trapping the inhabitants inside.
As if you were ignorant to the fact that flames only grow not subside
Endless days of heat
Flames that once consisted of a sweet treat
But evolve into an intense scorch where my being meets
Within this tragedy where does one retreat

Fire and ice
In my reactions what could be considered wrong or right
The coldness of going numb
The feeling of nothing as I touch my fingers to my thumb
I never thought this feeling could be topped
Until finally, the chill stopped

Take the risk or lose the chance
Going for what I want I’m not too advanced
Day to day I try to boost my confidence
But I just find myself floating in and out of consciousness
As One minute I want to be alone
And The next I want to express all the love that Hasn’t been shown
But Imma *******
You don’t have to tell me it’s embedded deep down in my soul
Ill tell you I’m here
The next day I’ll disappear
I am a broken individual yes I know
But love heals all wounds if you didn’t know
I have so much love for myself
But if I could just share it with someone else
Someone who won’t smother me when I’m low
Someone who actually understands me and doesn’t put on a show
Cause then I’ll turn into a ****
And now you yelling I ain ****
When I told you from the start
I will tear your heart apart
You moved this way too fast
Now you see it didn’t last
Had to leave you in my past
My love life is trash
Now don’t text or call my phone
Imma end up leaving you alone
These are just some feelings off the dome
To tell you I’m not made a stone

The depression hits like a Mac truck
The vision of you once left me star struck
At one moment I use to become nervous
But it ends in shambles and I know you’ve heard this

Now I won’t lift my head when you walk by
And to face my essence you don’t dare try
Its not like I felt it in my chest
Its just you did things unlike the rest
And I didn’t miss the emotions but the feeling
The feeling of my dominant side nealing
I shouldn’t let go from one day
But I missed how it felt to be looked at a certain way
I missed the warmth of a body
But continue to treat emotions like a hobby
Only in it for the attention
But to learn you emotionally is something my core Never fails to mention
I yearn to be close
And it may seems like I want relations to most
Regardless of how much I press the feelings away I still manage a way to become distressed
And now my eye lids hang low in the day and I clench my pillow at night because my heart doesn’t know how to let go of the stress
You mean nothing to me but you wouldn’t even face my way
You mean nothing to me but my aura cringed in dismay
But it always ends up like this right
It goes wrong I don’t know why
I lay in the darkness until my sadness drifts me off to sleep into the night
My body my body I refuse to give
But to be submissive in my actions may be a part I can’t relive
Skin to skin yearning to feel comfortable with someone
****** up and now the walk back has me being the dumb one
And now I know not only to block of my feelings
But to let no one in regardless of the size of the dealings
I don’t know why it hurts because for you I don’t care
But maybe because in your eyes I understand how you became aware
Aware of my presence my name
And how from the beginning you moved like a lame
Maybe im weird cause I don’t just wanna ****
But thinking about laying in your arms leaves me stuck
Thinking about how you tasted like the sweetest nothing
your fingers to my lips like sweet serotonin sips
If I lie say im bluffing
And how I remember the small details like looking in your eyes
Or when our lips collide
Your face was so intune with your lids closed
With a emotion plastered on your face I can’t explain but wish I could hold
Maybe I look too deep into expression
Cause what I want it seems like in never gettin
Im tying not to be the bitter *****
But in the simulation there’s got to be a glitch
I told you I don’t do this
Im not use to this
To show you physical and hold you I guess  is my only usefulness
Im so much more in my intimacy
Its so much more that was sent in me
How you don’t want to hurt feelings but don’t think before you speak
And only cease when your interest peaks  
I fool my self thinking one time once day it could be different
Like I don’t peep the actions or intent
Here’s to never getting it right
Even when I don’t  want relations in sight
Here to looking like a fool
Each action I look to and ridicule
Cheers to the bottle I constantly fill but never open
But to tame it here and now this is my only notion

Introvert .
Ive been feeling so many emotions lately
Some say i do some i don’t show my emotions on my face blatantly
If i do i can not tell
As if I’m actually shoving the emotions down well
Lately I’ve felt broken
So many life occurrences I’m choking
Fake love I’ve felt from people i claim to be the closest to
But to forgive and forget I cannot make it through


You finesse me as if you have no means
When you can ask my help for anything
You steal from me take from me deceive me
And claim family as what you’re supposed to be
You only love me when it Benefits your pockets
You do me so wrong hurt me to my core my emotions take off like rockets
You treat me as if you don’t appreciate me
Take all your anger out on me
Tell me you don’t mean to hurt my feelings as if it changes


Tiring going through these exchanges
Exchanges of emotions that mean nothing as soon as the conversation ends
And between my hurt heart and my daily life i have to blend
I hold on to everything and hold it all in till it blows
Once i hit that point all it can do is show
One day ill wake up and not take no more
And my tears I constantly hold back will hit the floor
Its not healthy its not kind
To think in a way closing up is me losing my mind
Its unhealthy not to speak but what if no one listens
An odd ball in a world of people who glisten
Feeling as if I could vanish with out a care
No one would care if turned into straight air
Surely many will disagree
But you cant tell me anything when i see how people treat me



The quicker it comes the faster it goes
And right now its what I need to know

Are you gonna hurt me?

I don’t cry
But today the floods of oceans
cover my eyes
There’s time I’ve forced myself for a release to feel
But like 3 tears and a internal feeling of numbness doesn’t really help the process of trying to heal
My face my eyes red
Sheer moments of feeling dead
Eyes that normally have a smile bright
Now swollen with pain
Acting as if I’m crying in the night
no on asks if I’m okay and I wonder do they see me in my brain
But I can’t be sane
I get too caught up in the rain
Too caught up in the people that cause me pain
Be my mains
And you know they all act the same
But who am I to complain

Time
Passing time
Each time I see you the feeling becomes more sublime
Im afraid when I think I won’t see you having to rely on the images in my mind
How could I feel this way
on the topic of emotions there was nothing to say
All about what I feel
Through trials and tribulations and I have to heal
All on how all I do is confuse
To your inner being I don’t want to abuse
You don’t deserve
All the things I preserve
And each day I continue to play the fool
And seeing you it adds more fuel
On how I cant contain myself when you walk in the room
To only wish I could sweep my emotions up like a broom
Im conflicted
Contradicted
Because you say
Then act a way
My mind goes astray
The tension could make me cry today