No one cares
None of them are really aware
Of this crown i wear called depression
And what i feel and how they think are two totally different perceptions
Im always down
Even when I dont notice it i am always wearing a frown
Love for me is like the hot burning sun
You cant get a good glimpse nor a touch not even one
See i thought i had the sun and tamed its fire
Cause at one point i did feel a hopeful heart warming desire
But the sun soon turned cold
And no longer with love was i so bold
I will look over my shoulder
Cover my heart with huge boulders
Before i let anyone in
I will close up what is left of myself
Before I ever again let someone destroy my mental health
I will shut down before i let anyone decide its me they wanna heal
My heart a 4 way stop with a Yeild
but cannot proceed with caution
Cause the hurt happens way too often

I been bleeding my entire life in your silence•
But some reason I feel safer in your violence •
Your ways feel natural•
its so wrong being the actual•
Never cried before•
But three tears rolled down after you walked out that door•
I wasn't hesitant at all•
I took those blades out and yes it was my down fall•
New cuts over old scars•
I just think I've been pushed too far•
You been gone for two years•
Just came back and your leaving again hurtful words going in my ears•
My heart called for you all that time•
It ached and cried and now again it will whine•
Less than three minute phone calls maybe every couple of weeks•
And ten thirty to three o'clock visitations would make my heart so weak•
Told us you'd come home and be a changed man•
And even after years of lies and betrayal and all the heart breaks I believed you can•
But boy was I wrong•
You're one of the main reasons my heart is so gone•
I forgave you when you put your hands on me•
Cause love and forgiveness is what it's supposed to be•
It hurt so bad but it also hurt when you walked out that door•
A feeling you said I wouldn't feel anymore•
Its so heartbreaking to sit and watch love die•
Probably why I'm so heartless and not even for more than 5 minutes can I cry •
Watching love fall apart•
The pain could destroy someones heart•

I swear I only find peace in my dreams
Waking up seeing things aint what they seem
My heart while asleep so calm
But soon as i wake up turns into a bomb
Dreaming of the feeling of being in love
Felt like my soul had been kissed from an angel above
I woke up and for one second I felt it And for that second i was at peace with myself
I felt love and felt for myself some wealth
I want to feel that feeling in my heart everyday
I become sad when I awake and the feeling goes away
This isn't what it's supposed to be
My dreams truly being better than my reality
Causs you messing me up
Got me yelling out ****
Why do i do this
This love thing can never get the just of it
i told you you were ******* me up you said how
I said cause your making me want you more god I want you now
You said well then your ******* me up too
All that runs through my mind is *** do i do
Didn't even realize when we talked how much I wanted to cry
You know I cant but noone knows why
You laying on my chest
That feeling truly being the best
But I stayed trying to cover my face & and hide
Just incase my heart decided for once it wanted to cry
Cause I heard the whine
But in my heart a shed of a tear there was no sign
I come to reality and see myself about to fall
But weather or not you catch me its your call
You asked me what I see in you a few weeks ago
And up to now I still haven't let you know
I see someone beautiful with a beautiful soul
Willing to help someone so cold
I seen you were independent
Which made me fall deeper in it
In it being you
Cause you be having me speechless and not not knowing what to do
I see a kind heart
One I pray that wont tear me apart
In you i see motivation a person that keep trying
Giving all dedication to what she loves
I see somewhere i would love to lye my trust
Cause you said its not nowhere near lust
Caring cause you find my pain attractive
When most would find my hurt radioactive
I see happiness in you and some for myself
Cause in the past that's just not how the cards were dealt
I see someone sensitive cause i see the soft spot
Tbh i say you caught me right on the dot
You said its bad timing
But we could just be unwinding
It could work out ya never know
You just need to figure out the road to take the way to go
In you i see confusion
You just can't seem to sum up what you want in conclusion
I see a person so smooth
One that has me right into her groove and how she does things
When you first called me you had my feelings down to a science
Like i said before you had me in complete silence
I see someone who can read me like a book cover to cover
You do it like no other
You being someone i try to fall back from and it just doesn't work
The thought of that id b lyin if I said it didn't hurt
You being so bad for me but feeling so good
The rush im feeling so wrong ofcourse it would
Your lips against mine
I forget about the surroundings the situation and the time
Then my soul starts the fire
Of this horrible addicting desire
You are so ADDICTIVE 
and my mind knows im wrong and gets so descriptive
With these feelings its makes my thoughts vision blurry
My mind under a cloud of smoke rushing it wants to hurry
But it's just too **** late
& maybe thats what my spirt hates
Im oh so infuriated with you
But it never shows because you never give it a reason to
I remember the exact night when you caught me in your hook
The night when my heart shook
When you called and sung for me
My heart opened its eyes for itself to see
But when you started story telling
Boy she started screaming and yelling
During that night I caught myself biting my lips
And tingling all through my fingers tips
When big you my heart became alive
And for you she charged and took her leap and dived
And till this day I am still reading that book
Wondering when you tie the knot on her hook
day to day she struggles to see what's on the next page
And until she reaches the end her heart stays in rage

You lied to me
Your dishonest words so clever I was too blind to see
I tried so hard to believe in you
That I overlooked every little thing you do
I convinced myself that everything you said
Even though it didn't make sense in my head
Was true
Im stupid for still loving you
After all the things you put me through
After all the nights a cried
And i felt like i wanted to die
All these feelings based off of a lie
It hurts so bad i don't want to write
I don't know anything that'll get me through the night
I definitely wont sleep
My brain won't allow me to rest because im in it too deep
My eyes almost swollen shut from tears
My best friend knew you were a liar for years
My heart doesn't even hurt cause i can barely feel
Truly im broken to the point there is nothing to heal
Sure i feel sadness but that's nothing new to me
Sadness feels like the norm now that i see
I cry when thinking of life without you
But i constantly cry when im living life with you
I cry cause i don't want nobody but you
And thats why im always puzzled on what to do
I never understand what I do wrong
Ive wondered for so long
Why was I never the only one you wanted
I was never one you showed off or flaunted
I sat in this room and said you were my home
But those words backfired you hit me in my heart & my dome
I just don't understand what i have to do to be the only one
I feel like im in a never ending race for your love and all I do is run..

Need me a you day
A day where i can be at ease with everything to say
I wont have to worry about a thing
Mostly the ex that gave me this promise ring
Baby make my hotline bling
When i see you my sprit spreads its wings
She comes out bold and outgoing
But shes so shy without anyone knowing
Other than feeling so confident
She has no response for it
Really dont know what has drawn her heart
But she feels as if we will be together and harder than ever to break apart
When i see you my heart starts  a fire
Drops to the pit of my stomach a weird but exciting desire
My heart fell inlove with the rush
Who knew someone could fell this way over a little crush
My imagination running wild
Like the dreams of a pure minded child
Blood floods my face to create a blush smile
Id love to stay in this moment a while
When you walk past my heart beats real fast
And i long for this feeling to last
Don't really know what your doing to me
Just know my heart sat itself a place it wants to be

Everything is lovely until we take the big dip
The dip falling into poor communication
The dip falling into my insecurities and hesitations
The fall down leading into misinterpretations and lies
The fall down leading into my trust issues and my assuming steady questioning everything with a why
Why did you ever do me so wrong to where I couldn't recover
To heal the hurt I thought I had to look for love in another
Little did we know we were only hurting each other
Little did i know I was only hurting myself cause the words weren't true for me to be the lover
God I love you to the moon and back
You have me wrapped around your finger you're my heart attack
Have I finally had enough to the point where it's okay and I am numb
Or am I a hopeless romantic and just dumb
You still make little mistakes
And I try to forgive but love and time is what it takes