when the moon shines and stars twinkle
i saw, no, i see
the wrinkles, the spots
the misted window to your soul

i heard, no, i hear
my name on your lips
a barely-there caress tickling my ears

i breathed in, no, i breathe in
waft of herbs and medicines
a medley, a cacophony
that paints your final essence
as vivid as the dawn breaking

there i am, awake
with the everlasting ache
so acutely felt –
in the existence of your non-existence

ears perked, neck stretched
the rustle of the hem of my dress
drip drop, pitter patter
catching sweat mapping the lines of my neck
humming, drumming –
there’s a parade in the cavity of my chest
a hard squint, a long stare
and the world came to a standstill

it’s the gaping hole that never truly closes  
the gasping in the silence of the night  
awakened by the ache that comes  
as sudden and swift  
as the piercing cry of wails that rose  
when the man in white  
turned up at the door and painted the day  
the colour of nothing