I'm suicidal
I'm no more hiding
The pain inside me
Consuming me
Overruling me
What does it feel like being free?
Free of secrecy
Free of pity
Free of poverty
Free of being lonely
Of being unhappy
Free of self-doubt
Self-hate
Being unconditionally loved
How does that feel?
Does it feel free?
Or will love never be enough?
Or pain-free?
Love is depressing
For some a blessing
For others a lesson
But for me, its just another form of abuse
I feel used
Mis-used
Re-used
Confused
Love is abuse
Over-used
Suicide is my only way through

My star
Shining distant afar
Spaced apart
Yet close to my heart
She smiles through the miles
Brightening up my world inside
I Look up at her at midnight
When the storm is quiet
And the earth is silent
She shines through the darkness
Waking up feelings every night
Instilling quiet happiness
Fulfilling inner peace
Her brightness never decrease
My star is the reason I live
I forgive
I still believe
She is my brightness through the grief

Will you marry me?
All of me
The sad me
The bipolar me
The over-emotional me
The over-sensitive me
The clingy me
Would you really marry me?
Carry me
When I can't carry myself?
Love me
When I don't know how to love myself?
Be there for me
When I have no-one else?
Is it possible to marry me?
The depressed me
The anxious me
The low self-esteem me
The me who suffers from PTSD
The obsessive me
Over-possesive me
Jealous me
No
I'm sorry
No-one deserves someone like me

When you're feeling down & worthless
Hopeless
Helpless
Because you're loved less
Depressed
Filled with unhappiness
Sadness
I feel lifeless
Prideless
Striving less
Thriving less
Deserving of my sad mess
My slow progress
I deserve my loneliness
My unsuccess
I am laying my soul to rest
Because my life is in distress

Shattered sunflower
Pain overpowers
This battered flower
Unable to bloom
When she feels doomed
Light like a feather
She gets drained by the weather
Rain, please not again
Storms enhancing the pain
Lightning keeps her afraid
Quietly she waits
For the sun to rise again
The feeling of warmth
The storm when its gone
And the silence reborn
The pain relieved
When the light increase
My heart in disbelief
The sun brought her true peace

You are a fraction of perfection
Your hearts filled with purity in every section
Your smile is beauty in its own reflection
This connection
Is effortless attraction

I contemplated suicide
I attempted suicide
I ran out of room to hide
Ran out of people on my side
I tried
I cried
I lied
Even confide
But the pain won't subside
The hurt won't divide
Suffering in silence
Seeking help in silence
But they silence us
They break our trust
The loneliness eating away at us
Take away the brokenness
The parts that are unendingly vulnerable
Fragile
Brittle
We're crumbling
Suffering
Our lives are in trouble
Crawling
Falling
Dead inside
Deadly alive
Death will be my pride
My escape
From the hate
The pain
Please don't let my death be in vain