How many ways can I say, “I miss you”
without sounding like a needy loser?
I want to call you and tell you I love you.
Even though I’ll probably just end up asking about your day.

There’s a wall I can’t break through.
Not without hurting you.
Am I obsessive?
Am I compulsive?
Am I crazy?

I love you.

There, I said it.
Really.
You don’t know how
Long I’ve wanted to.
I was scared to lose you.

But now you’re gone
And I’m still here.
In tears.
Behind a pair
Of shades darkly clear.

From the next car,
It just looks like
I’m distant.
When really, I’m
Thinking of you.


I used to think
Heart break was just a word
But in all truth,
Nothing hurts worse.

The hole is just a gaping
Wound in my chest
Right where my heart
Used to be.

It was painless when
I gave it to you.
But now that you don’t want it,
I can’t bear to see it waste
Away.

You know I don’t
Cry very easily
So why can’t I stop
These streams down my face?

I didn’t know
Crying a river
Was possible.
Even in the slightest.

My mind is like the ocean
And I’m drowning in
My own thoughts
Because I forgot how to swim
Pathetic, indeed.

I made a mix tape of
Songs I don’t listen to.
It seems so stupid
But they remind me of you.

My mind is running in circles
And I’m going nowhere fast
I can’t change your mind
Once the die is cast

I could write a novel for you
About how happy we should be
And you in turn, would do
Absolutely nothing for me.

This poem *****.

Everything must be done perfectly.
Not to upset anyone else.
They have to have their way,
Or else it will disrupt the balance of peace.
Lucky for me,

I can get the fingers pointed at me,
I am allowed to be scolded for mistakes.
And I get to be the central reason for family meetings.
I can do all these things,

But I am not allowed to show my appreciation for it.

I cannot shout about it
I don’t get to go out and clear my head
I am forbidden to throw fists at inanimate objects.

But most of all, I cannot let them
See or hear that I am angry
I just have to sit there and take the anger.

I am allowed to leave the room however.
I can stay quiet and let it all bottle up inside
I can’t make noise, but I can bite my own fist
To keep my teeth from clenching.
I get to make myself sick over it,
And tell no one that I am so.

I get to put on a paper-thin mask;
A clean slate of nothingness.
I can walk around wearing that
So long as nobody stirs the surface.
Or it will ripple like water,
And tear into the face behind it
Revealing the pain, still fresh from before.

Call me self-centered,
But I don’t want to follow
Those rules anymore.