I thought you were finally fading
But I see you in every face
Around every corner I feel you there
My heart slows in anticipation
But you are still gone
Why must I be disappointed with every time my phone doesn't ring
To hope that next message is from you
I want to throw a thousand pictures of myself online to fill your head with visions of me
I want you to be haunted by me as I'm am by you

I am a face without a name, a body with no soul, a head with no mind, arms with no feeling, hands with no need, warmth with no heart.  Somehow I’m supposed to want without need, to give and to give and to give and consider it a gift that you desire me.

There are people out there that still believe in magic, where one exists in the stars of their eyes.  What a place to be, in the dreams of one so fluid and beautiful with words.  To be more than just physical form and style, but this spirit of inspiration.  Oh I sometimes wish to move in this world with a cloak of disguise.  Maybe then the world will actually hear my words.  Distracted by lust, desire, jealousy or judgment, I do not exist.  I am a concept in their minds, I am not human.  But even a muse lacks that tangible reality of true love.  I would only disappoint, when discovered of my human flaws.  It is better that I stand afar, where you can’t see my cracks.  Even on your pedestal so high, you may notice the wear in my eyes.  I have fared well in the years, but I am not without the scars and bruises of my past.  Do not hold me up too high; it is only the farther that I will fall.

This is it, the release, and the music plays and the words just flow and somehow maybe there is peace beyond all this, maybe there is light at the end of this tunnel. And to read those thoughts from others. We all question and hurt and plan our revenge on the world. And maybe we just want to feel less alone, connected to something. Sometimes it's just a means to get it out. As much as I feel I must, I won't apologize for my ramblings. This is catharsis

I feared coming back here, to this place of darkness, angst, pain, and hurt. I've held it inside for too long I feel like I'm rotting. I have no outlet for my shame, anger, confusion and sadness. I must always carry on. And there is no room for weakness in this world anymore. I must be, and say and do and perform and it has to be perfect and believable. I have a mortgage to pay, and bills and responsibility. Who has time to feel? When did it become ok to break a heart every day, to use another, lead them on, take all they have and then leave without a word. Where has humanity gone. I miss the days when I just didn't care......

You have but hours left to haunt my mind.  There must be an end to this.  Perhaps you shall leave me with sweet dreams of closure. I ache to forget your face, your touch, your smell, the hollow you left each time you pulled away, every time I said No. My arms still feel the ghost of you. I shall regret all that wasn't said, so all i feared to share with you is here, on these private public pages. You scared me, fascinated me, entranced me, fooled me, seduced me, weakened me, opened my eyes, stirred up all the feelings of confusion and frustration and of dreams lost, love desired, need, want, that now I'm just so lost. Perhaps you're the catalyst I've been waiting for...

Tis better to have loved and lost
And lost
And lost
And lost
And lost
And lost
And lost
And lost
And lost
Than to have never loved at all???